Mostrando las entradas con la etiqueta important. Mostrar todas las entradas
Mostrando las entradas con la etiqueta important. Mostrar todas las entradas

miércoles, 3 de febrero de 2016

Secrets & Nightmares

   I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night. I had no idea what time of night it was but I remember the first thing I felt was his breath on my hair. It was warm and soft. He never snored. I knew that because I was very sensitive to sounds and I would have woken up if he was. When I felt his breathing I was relieved, because I wasn’t in the world of the nightmare anymore but on the real one, the one that recently had been very nice to me in many aspects.

 Some people say that if you are successful or happy is because you deserve it or because you have worked hard for it. I think it’s a combination of the two., mainly because I don’t believe in the concept of fighting for everything in life. People who believe that are the type of people that are very competitive and that don’t stop at nothing to get what they want, they believe everything in life is a competition and that’s simply not the way it is or at least not my life.

 Anyhow, I was glad right then that I didn’t woke him up, because I knew he had problems sleeping and didn’t wanted to be the one to disrupt his night. I decided to try and close my eyes again and slip away into a deep slumber, hopefully without dreams. But, again, I fell right into a nightmare, a horrible world filled with the worst creatures I have ever seen, with all my fears parading around, rubbing past mistakes or their simple existence in my face. I had to wake up once again, this time really drenched in sweat.

 Thankfully, he had moved a bit away from me so I just separated my body from his slowly and went to the bathroom, to wash my face with cold water and try to relax a bit. I tried sitting on the toilet, pissing, even going to the kitchen and grab a bite. I also did some simple exercises in the living room and saw possibly five minutes of a TV show I didn’t even like. When I was back into bed, he woke up and asked me, between asleep and angry, where I had been?

 I kissed him in the lips, which made us both very happy and laid there with him. He fell asleep very fast and I stayed up for a long while, in fact not sleeping again for the rest of the morning. At that moment I did check my cellphone and saw it was five in the morning. We had to wake up in three hours and I couldn’t do one more of sleeping. I just used that time to think about it all, checking in my mind if everything was ready and found myself shaking a bit and my stomach growling.

 I grabbed his hand, which he had put over my chest, and squeezed it softly. He tightened his grip on me and I liked that. I felt safe and I guess that’s what I needed to feel.  If the alarm hadn’t gone off in that moment, I think I would’ve slept a bit. But I didn’t.

 The first thing he did when he woke up was kissing me, and then we showered together, hugging a lot and almost dancing beneath the water, When we were finished, we dressed up in silence and went to the kitchen to have breakfast. We both had cereal and talked a bit over it. He noticed I hadn’t sleep and I had to convince him I was ok, only a bit anxious about our day and that he shouldn’t worry. It was clear he was already worried but he didn’t go on with the subject, he just said he had to be at his sister’s in an hour.

 When he left, I cleaned up the place, changing the sheets of the bed to new ones I had bought secretly. I also pulled out some scented candles from a shopping bag I’d hidden beneath the sink, as well as other products that we would use for other purposes. When it was all ready I grabbed my kiss, gave the place one last look and went out the door. I had no car so I decided to walk to my mother’s house, which was an hour away by walking but I had the time.

 He had left before me because he said his sister could handle everything and that we shouldn’t do anything else than just show up at the right time. He was going to her place because that was the closest relative he had alive. His parents had died several years ago and since then his sister had been everything. She was a very organized person and had proposed to help us because she knew that the event needed a woman’s touch to be just perfect.

  As I walked to my former home, I thought about it all. I was nervous, obviously, but I knew the nightmares had been produced by something else. It wasn’t fear that had put them in my mind; it was something else that I didn’t quite understand. I mean, as everyone in the world, I have secrets and thing I wouldn’t like every single person to know, but that had never given me nightmares so what was this all about?

 I used my walk home to think about everything that would happen that day and I realized I was entitled to feel worried and maybe being a little bit scared. Marriage was not someone that I did everyday and it had been a question of “When?” for a long time and that time had finally come. I was sure about my affirmative response to it because I loved him dearly, beyond anything I had ever dreamed of. He was my prince charming and my bad boy, all in one. How corny does that sound?

 Thinking about him made me smile and many people on the street smiled me back. I didn’t noticed for a while but when I did I just laughed and thought that being in love was not as people described it but that it was good if you were ready for the long haul.

 In my mom’s house, my parents were dressing up, as well as my sister and her husband who had just arrived from abroad with their baby. She would have loved to have him carry the rings but he was still too young for that. Instead, my future husband’s youngest cousin was up for the job. She was a very nice girl and a bit mad for a seven year old, so she was right up our alley.  I also changed in a matter of minutes and decided to just wait in the living room for everyone to be ready.

 I dozed off and entered, once again, the dark territory of my nightmares. I recognized the feeling and the images and I could even feel my body sweat. I was in darkness, only able to see a light very far in the distance and the only thing I could do was walk towards it. Trying to grab it. But every single step I took was filled with pain, as if spines or small knives entered my every limb. Besides, and this was the most awful part, I felt hands in the darkness touching me, grabbing me to a place below that seemed liquid in nature. I knew that if I were pulled down there, I would die. And then, as always, I woke up before my head was submerged.

 My dad noticed when I woke up, because apparently I had let out a scream. He said that the best way not to dream bad things was either not to sleep or trying to make sense of whatever the dreams were about. I know my father wasn’t into Freud or anything, he just thought that if something was bothering it would translate into annoying nightmares and it was. I knew that was the case. Bu t it wasn’t just easy, it wasn’t just about letting the air out. It was harder than that.

 When everyone was finally ready, we jumped into the family car and drove towards the venue, a small banquet hall not far from there. When we arrived, every single guest was already there and I could notice he had already arrived too. So I was the one who had to go second, as per the rules. They started right away with the music. Then his sister escorted him to the altar, then me by my mother. I when I see him, my body let out one single tear. I say that because I had no control over it.

 The notary started talking about the law and citing many aspects of marriage that he found funny but also very important, so that the audience and us took it into account. He told us it was a very important thing to sign a paper and say “I choose to live my life with this person”, and that he personally admired those who did. We signed, me crying more and more, and finally kissed to the cheering and joy of our families and friends. As we kissed, I realized it was time, so covered by the wall of sound I whispered in his ear, took him by the hand and walk the carpet back into the main hall were food was being served.


 We didn’t discuss it until after the party, that went on for quite a while. He liked the candles in our room and the new sheets but he went straight to my confession as we sat down in the bed. I started crying and he held me, in love with me. He told me that he would do whatever I wanted, whatever made me happy. I smiled at him and then told him, clumsily, that I really needed to know where my only son was and what he was like. He grabbed my hand and kissed me.

sábado, 7 de febrero de 2015

A small issue

   Amanda just laughed. She stopped fast but her answer to Melinda’s problem was not precisely the one she needed. Yes, she wanted to laugh too but she couldn’t as it concerned and it was a subject she considered deeply important. The waitress came with one big cup of ice cream and a glass of water, both for Melinda. She started eating right away, trying to avoid thinking in nothing else than in the different flavors of her sundae. Amanda just looked at her, worried but still with a smirk on her face.

-       Just tell me again, and let’s see what I can do for your. Really.

 Melinda just looked at her, still eating. After all, she had called Amanda to tell know her point of view of the matter and to see if she had some advice, although she didn’t know if advice had anything to do in this kind of situation. She raised her head and was about to talk but didn’t know where to begin. She had some water and then started, almost reciting was had happened days before.

 She had met the guy at a party made by one of her coworkers. It was a birthday. Melinda reminded Amanda that she had invited to go. Amanda nodded but did not say anything else, in order to let her friend tell all without interruptions. Melinda kept on, telling that she had some drinks at the party and eventually ended up meeting Dave, a friend of the guy they were having the party for.

 At first she didn’t really acknowledge his advances, because he was really been insisting, but after two more glasses of wine he began to be less annoying. They talked about work, about their favorite TV shows and the music they loved. When time come to leave the party, that had died out due to people being mostly drunk, Melinda left with Dave and then had a great night. They ate hotdogs, strolled through town remembering their past lovers and, finally, they arrived at her place. Without doubting, she asked Dave to come in with her.

 At this point, Melinda stopped talking and ate a big scoop of ice cream. Amanda just looked at her, now with what looked like pity, and waited for her friend to stop eating and keep talking. But Melinda has a second scoop of desert, as she found it difficult to keep talking. Finally, after a sip of water, she went on.

 She had been drinking too much and yes; they had sex on her bedroom. It was very strange because she did not have a huge hangover the day after but, somehow, she didn’t remember anything. She knew she had had sex with Dave but did not remember anything about it. When she woke up, thankfully, he was getting dressed up and told her he had to leave because he had something to do with his family. Half asleep, she said bye and went back to her pillow.

 This time Amanda decided to interrupt. She did this because she thought that first time was the only one Melinda had met Dave. She thought the story was about a one-night stand. But Melinda, after finishing her ice cream, told her friend that they had seen each other once more, about a week ago.

 It was him who called and asked her out on a date. Having nothing else to do that weekend, she had agreed to see him. Amanda asked why she had said yes but Melinda went on, remembering how she had dressed casually for their dinner. It was in a nice restaurant but she had no intention of dressing up for a guy she barely remembered. Nevertheless, she had to confess, they had a great time. The man was very charming and had many tales that were really interesting.

 They talked and talked for hours until it was late and, this time, it was him who asked her to go to his house to have something to drink and keep talking. She realized she hadn’t really gone out with anyone for a long time and Dave seemed like a very nice person. He was interesting and enjoyable and he wasn’t bad looking at all. So she agreed to go to his house. There, he had a very nice bottle of wine and she had one of the most funny and interesting conversations she had had in recent memory.

 Amanda then interrupted her friend, once more, to ask what Dave looked like. Melinda told her friend that he was about her size, so not very tall. He had blue eyes, which was largely uncommon in the guys she had liked, and he had nice short hair, not styled in stupid fashions like most men were using it today. That day he had wore very nice clothes, with a tie and everything. She had left a little guilty not to wear a nice dress.

 She asked for a glass of wine and went on with her story. They had been drinking and talking for several hours until he planted a kiss on her and she responded by pushing him and kissing him on the sofa, almost entirely on top of him. This was followed by both of them standing up, still kissing, and getting into his room. She landed first on the bed and then he leaned closer. It was very arousing, she confessed. But then it happened.

 She had never been one for touching or grabbing but that night she had felt especially bold. So she went for it and realized something was vey particular. She decided not to think about it and then proceeded to remove her blouse and he took off his shirt. It was very hot and they kept kissing until she unzipped his pants. It happened all so fast, she barely remembered everything accurately. The point was she was at home like thirty minutes later, not even waiting in the apartment for the taxi but choosing to wait for it in the building’s hall.

 Amanda was now smiling in a silly way again. Melinda hid her face behind her hands and said again what she had told her friend, almost upon arrival:

-       He had a small penis.

 It had the same effect on Amanda, who burst into laughter and even cried a bit because of her reaction. This time, however, even Melinda smiled a bit. She knew the situation was silly but she still felt betrayed, if that was the proper word. Days after, she remembered everything and she knew she hadn’t responded in the right way but, apparently, Melinda put too much attention to those details.

 Amanda then told her it wasn’t a bad thing, although her response had been just disastrous. She thought Dave was surely ashamed and affected by it all afterwards and men took really seriously the attempts against their manhood. She then proceed to ask how “bad” it was, and she said it just looked small, like… Amanda didn’t really know what she said, because she said it under her breath, but it wasn’t important.

-       Do you like him?
-       Well… Yeah, I guess.
-       No. Do you like him? Be sure!
-       Yeah, I do. His really nice.
-       And is his… - Amanda looked around – size, so important?

 Melinda didn’t answer right away. She didn’t wanted to sound shallow but it was true that most men she had dated had been well endowed and she know realized maybe that had been a conscious decision. But before she said anything, Amanda kept talking.

-       If it is, just call him and apologize. He doesn’t deserve what you did. And if it really isn’t, apologize too and try to give yourself a chance. Who know, he may be exactly who you need in your life.

 As it happens, Dave wasn’t the man of her dreams or nothing of the sort. She went up to his house and apologized in person. He was glad that she had come. They didn’t discussed anything of what happened but talked about other subject and realized hey could be very good friends.


 Maybe she was shallow after all or, maybe, sex was too important for her to be overlooked. Anyway, she promised herself never turn down anyone because of her personal preferences. It just wasn’t the decent thing to do.