Mostrando las entradas con la etiqueta to do. Mostrar todas las entradas
Mostrando las entradas con la etiqueta to do. Mostrar todas las entradas

lunes, 10 de agosto de 2015

A game

   When I woke up, I felt the scent of grass invading my nostrils, as well as the scent of dirt. I lay there for a while, not really wanting to move but that didn’t seem to mind as I stood up almost automatically and started walking slowly. It was very strange, as I didn’t really want to do but, nevertheless, was moving. I decided it had something to do with why I had woken up just on the side of a dirt road, below a big pine tree. I walked some more but then stopped, as I reached a small wall on which I stood up to see the surrounding view: there, very far to the north, I could see a castle or at least its shape. And by the east, there was a small river coming down a mountain range where a big mountain had smoke coming out of it. It was a volcano. Closer to me, I could see more tree and a building. I decided to walk towards there.

 I walked with decision towards the building, feeling very strange still. I tried to remember what I had been doing before waking up by the road but I just couldn’t remember. It was as if there was nothing to recall. Then I stopped, as I head a strange noise coming from behind. I looked up to the sky and there it was: a plant or an animal, something floating up there very high in circles. I stupidly walk towards it and it noticed me: it had razor sharp leaves and it was about to hit me when I ran as fast I could towards the building, which happened to be a farm. I stopped on my toes as I passed the two houses that formed the ranch and realized there was a pasture area behind them, as well as a granary.

 There were horses and many chickens and a girl. I hadn’t seen it right away as she was sitting on the ground feeding the animals. When she saw me, she greeted me as nice as one can greet a stranger and told me that I looked funny, as she had never seen a boy like me. Apparently my attire, which I hadn’t really paid attention to, was not very common in these parts. She told me that the best thing for me to do was to pay respects in the temple close the castle, where every wish could come true. Then, she taught me how to sing to the horses and lend me one of hers. Before leaving the farm, she told me I could come back any time but that her brothers may not be as nice to me as she was.

 The horse was fast and elegant, soaring through the bushes, over the grass and elevating dust all over the place. We finally got to the castle, just as they announced hey were letting in the last group of people before drawing the bridge for the night. Some others seemed to be entering too but they looked more like peasants and people trying to buy their stuff in the castle. After the group entered, the bridge was elevated and, just before they had finished closing, I could swore I heard the call of a wolf. That made me a little nervous but I decided to move on. Suddenly, everything went black.

 When I woke up, it was morning already. I had no idea where I had been sleeping but the horse wasn’t there with me anymore and I just happened to be in the middle of the morning market. People were everywhere, pushing other buyers as they moved from one post to the other. There were also games and dances bursting up a little bit everywhere but I finally saw what I was looking for when I walked into an alley: a big white building with the symbol of the land on top of it. That had to be the temple the girl in the ranch had told me about. The castle was not far, as I could see it when entering the temple. Inside, there were no chairs or places to rest; people would just stand and pray before a big altar and nothing more. None of them would take long there and I started to get anxious when I didn’t see anything that could help me. So I just prayed and left.

 My next move was to go towards the castle. I felt I had to go there so I went through the market again, which seemed even more crowded than before, and then on to an open road which lead to a big gate on small canyon formed by very high hills. There was a guard there and told me I couldn’t move beyond that point as the royal family had it strictly prohibited than anyone walked into the castle unannounced and without proper permission. So I went back but only some meters, where the guard couldn’t see me anymore. There was a vertical wall on the side of one of the hills and plants had grown over it so I just climbed to wall to the top. My next move was to cross the gate from above and then move from tree to tree, hiding from the guards.

 I finally got to the main entrance of the castle, were two guards were busy talking to each other. The thing was I had to pass by them to reach the entrance, unless I swam across a small pond of water, which seemed to come from inside the castle. With great disgust, I submerged myself slowly into that water and moved cautiously, in order not to alert the guard. I finally go to the end and there, found that the door was closed. I couldn’t force it because that would be making too much noise so I just looked around and saw a big hole on the wall that seemed to be crumbling. I snuck up through there.

 There were some guards in the gardens, but it was easy to full them through the mazes of hedges and flowers. Finally, I got to a big garden filled with the most beautiful flowers I had ever seen in my life. Every color was there and the smell was even better. That’s when I saw another girl. For a moment, I thought it was the girl from the ranch but soon realized that couldn’t be. This girl was wearing a dress that looked smooth and silky and a headband with a jewel on it. It was almost as if she was a princess. She finally noticed me and I thought she was going to call the guards but instead asked me to come closer.

 She said that her father had asked her to exit the throne room as a visitor was going to be there. It was said to be an important man and, as such, women were not allowed to be there. It was one of those traditions she hated but had to respect. So the next best thing she had was to see the whole thing through a window that was just there in the garden. I came closer and saw the throne a big bearded man sitting on it. That must have been her father, the king. There was no one there on his side, which struck me as odd. I looked towards the other side and saw a tall and dark figure. But it was his robes that were black, as his skin was the color of olives. He had a big nose and looked more like a horse to me than anything else.

 The big man approached the king and kneeled. They said something but I couldn’t hear behind the glass. Then, a voice behind them told them that it wasn’t very polite to hear other people’s conversations. It was a tall woman with short hair but not as tall as the man they had just seem. The princess asked her if she knew who the man was and she answered with a very somber expression. She only said the man had come from the desert to the west to pay respects to the kind and inform him that the kingdom could be calm as he had soldiers that would help the kingdom be much more secure. However, no one had ever seen his army and there was a rumor that he was a wizard.

 The woman looked at the kids and told them it wasn’t their business anyway. She told the princess to stay there as she helped me get past the guards without been seen. She left me by the village, where I decided to distract myself with more games. But I couldn’t think about anything more than the princess and the tall man from the desert. He had a menacing look. To be honest, his whole physicality was very menacing, as the one of a giant or something like that. That night, I decided to leave the castle and go to the river and fish, to distract myself. I had very nice time fishing with a borrowed rod and the river was very nice place. The volcano, which was close by, was a very nice sight.

 When the night came again, I decided to head back to the village but the drawbridge was up. There were no people waiting and it started to rain. I screamed and yelled but no one would open. When I got a little bit closer to see if they could hear me, the bridge fell hard and then a horse came running fast from inside the citadel. All I could see was that massive black horse that got scared to see me, as I was from it. He stood on two legs and in that small fraction of time I realized it was the tall man riding and, in front of him, he had the princess hands tied and with a cloth on her mouth. Something fell from the horse to the moat just before they rode away fast, disappearing from view in a few seconds.

 I walked towards the edge of the moat and realized that what had fell from the horse had been a small flute that floated on the water. Just as I took it in my hands, I remembered the song from the farm girl. And I would have played it but then the world went dark and I wouldn’t wake up for a long time.

domingo, 12 de abril de 2015

Job interviews

   Anna prepared herself for days. She had to get a job once and for all because she didn’t want to live with her parents anymore. They were all right, it wasn’t that they weren’t a bother or anything but she wanted more than life than her eternal bedroom with a window towards the mountains. There was never sun or warmth in her room and she had always thought this affected many of the things she did. Besides, she needed change urgently. Anna didn’t want to turn thirty and still be the girl that hadn’t accomplish much. She felt everyone she knew was doing something and she wanted to do something too.

 She tried skirts and pants, blouses and sweaters, heels and flat shoes. All that in front of a mirror the day before her job interviews. She had been scheduled to be in at least five: three of them were in a ten-block radius so she could get to any of them on time by just walking. The other two were in other areas and she was going to have to take the bus. It was possible they called Anna from two more places to go there and just pop up for an interview but they would only call her if they had the time to do it that day.

 The girl woke up early, spent exactly seven minutes in the shower and got dressed pretty fast having prepared her outfit the day before. She put on some make up, verified that she was bringing everyday in a briefcase her dad had lend her and then she went out the house. But the moment she was about to hop in the elevator, she realized she had left her cellphone in the kitchen, after having a fast breakfast. She had to go back, grab it and then run out faster than before. She had thought of taking a taxi to the first interview in order not to be late and she did arrive just in time.

 The job was in a cleaning product factory. It was one of the ones that were in a distant location, more exactly in a large industrial area. She arrived just in time, as a bald man said her name. She smiled and got in an office with him. The interview was very normal at the beginning but then the man asked about her job background and her studies. Anna had gone to college to be an architect and she had the degree but that had nothing to do with the job they were offering there. She said that, as it was an assistant post, she could learn fast but the man wasn’t convinced and told her, kindly but with decision, that maybe the factory wasn’t the best place for her. She thanked him for his time and left the building shortly after.

 A bit bummed out by the outcome of her first interview, she took a bus straight towards the financial area. There. She would have three interviews and she tried to convince herself they were going to be much better than the first one. In the bus, something funny happened: a very cute guy, one of those that might not even realize he was cute, was standing by the middle of the bus and danced softly but as the bus reaches its destination, the guy started dancing more and more. Maybe it was that he didn’t realize that people were watching, because he had big headphones, but many of the passengers of the bus were looking and a kid was even recording a video of him. This very particular event made Anna think that some people are just who they are. Maybe she was too desperate and that too was noticeable.

 So when she entered the building were the second interview was going to take place, she made a mental note to be a little more lose, more natural and compelling, instead of being lost and nervous. Maybe if they saw a cheerful and very committed Anna, they would hire her. The interview was in a fashion magazine and she would also assist on several duties. The ad didn’t really specify what was that she would be doing but that was ok. She entered after ten minutes of waiting and it was a woman this time that did the interview. They chatted amicably and even laughed to some jokes and characteristics of the job such as helping the very full-of-themselves photographers or just stock pictures in the archive.

 Anna went out of the building walking on air. She hadn’t secured the post but she was sure she had made the right impression. So that was the key, just to be playful and funny and go along with must of what they said. Everyone wants to hire someone who isn’t going to be a problem and that can be deduced if the person has very strong feelings against something or is not very eager to be in there.

 The next one was in a import-export company. That appointment had been gotten for her by one of her aunts that happen to work there. She was ready to be the nice and likeable Anna but they man that interviewed her was the most sparing person she had ever met. He only said the necessary words and avoided to make eye contact with her so it was very hard to be cheerful and smile when people weren’t even paying attention. And even when she saw the chance of being funny and original, the man didn’t seem to care for it at all. The longest part of the interview was about her aunt and Anna knew the job wasn’t hers when the guy said nothing at the end of the interview.

 Annoyed by this last one. She decided to have lunch and then go on her next appointment jus six blocks away. She bought a sandwich and a bottle of water on a supermarket and went to a small park to eat. Some other people were doing the same but others just passed by talking with co-workers or friends. There were many college people too and that made her think of her friends and how college was so much easier than parading around the city begging for a job. Because after all, she thought, that was exactly what job interviews were. Most of the times, they didn’t chose people that were the best at anything. They just went for who had family there or whom they just liked, which was sad.

 Anna decided to be early for the next one so she walked very fast to the building was the interview for a secretary post in a talent agency was being held. This time it was different as she was asked to enter the interview room with three other girls. They all sat in front of two people and were asked random questions, each one answering them in just less than half a minute. It was like being on a marathon because when they all went out, they discuss how tired they were from the bombardment of questions. None of the two interviewers said anything to the girls before asking them to leave, only that they would call if they find them to be a fit for the agency.

 The girl was ready to take the long bus ride to the last appointment but then she got a phone call from one of the places she was waiting word from. They asked her to their offices right there in the financial district. She said she was only a few blocks away and thanked them for the opportunity. As he go in the next building, she received a message from the factory she was going to go later telling her the post had been filled and that she wasn’t require to go. It was a little bit sad because it was a clothing factory but she didn’t have much time to think as they made her enter an office as soon as she arrived.

 The place was beautiful because of the glass walls all over. It was a bit scary at first but then she stood up and went straight for the window. The view was breathtaking as she was standing on a 46th floor. She almost fainted when she heard a voice behind her. She hadn’t noticed someone had come in and was about to excuse herself when she realized her interviewer was one of her former college teachers. Mrs. Flores was her 3D modeling teacher back in her architecture days so the conversation they had was very nice, mostly about college but also about Anna’s abilities in the computer.

 Mrs. Flores was actually the head of the department in a video game company and somehow Anna had forgot all about the job she had come for but her former teacher told her she would be a perfect fit because it was a small job but one were she might learn more about her trade and also from the world of video games, which was expanding every single day. Anna got very interested in the subject during the interview that was substantially longer than the other ones. When it was finished, she hugged Mrs. Flores and told her than, even if she didn’t get the job, she was very happy to see her again. The teacher told her she had always been very perceptive and agile with her work and that many people did not own her same skills.


 After going out from the building, she decided to call a friend and meet for ice cream. Anna thought she deserved a prize, as the day ended, for having confronted so many types of people at the same time. One appointment had been cancelled, she never received word for a potential seventh interview and some of them weren’t great. But some were and, talking with her friend, Anna realized that, in any case, she had her future in front of her so she shouldn’t worry more than necessary. She realized she had things to offer so, hopefully, someone would notice, even if the work world wasn't the fairest of them all.

lunes, 6 de abril de 2015

Own poison

   I’m empty.  Have you ever felt, at least for a moment, that there’s no more gasoline inside of you? What I mean is, sometimes we just run out. We stop and there’s nothing to keep us going, at least for that very moment. And it feels eternal, like years and years could be put inside a small grain of sand and relived in a single breath. Everything seems still and it’s maddening because the human body, the human soul is not built for such hardship. We are made to be and to move and if we stop we just go insane.

 I did go insane for a little while. I felt the world crumbling around me, cracks opening on the floor and darkness in front of me. In that moment, there’s only you and no one else. Your friends, your family, they do not matter because you fall hard and deep into oblivion where no one could ever find you. And then that darkness penetrates your heart and makes you scream in terror without even opening your mouth. It is the feeling of real pain, of universal rendition to the darkest feelings and situations that the human heart can go through. In that moment, we are lost.

 But it always ends. Or at least for me, it has always ended. The light comes back and the back seems the same although I feel particularly changed inside. The feeling might be compared to the one you feel when riding a rollercoaster but blind and even deaf. That’s what it feels to fall into you and to get lost for the fraction of a second. When you come back, nothing really has happened outside your mind but you know it did happen inside. And then, like a poison, madness settles in. It slowly contaminates the brain, working for years, slowly. This poison has no real antidote but it can be stopped, maybe not forever but at least for enough time to build a stronger armor to defend your mind.

 Isn’t it amazing? We wage wars against each other, killing so many of our fellow men ad women and in the end of it all, our own brains can be our most vicious enemies, tearing us apart from the inside out. What good does it make to live your life dodging bullets and dangers, when maybe the thing that will take your life away from you is just growing freely inside, deep in your brain. We take everything, even the fact that we are just flesh and bone, for granted. We do not realize that there’s nothing that makes us really strong in front of the many dangers we might be forced to encounter in our lives.

 And it the world today, the younger brains, the ones least trained in the arts of fighting oneself, are those who are more likely to succumb to the evilness inside our brains. We all have it inside, there’s no one who doesn’t rot like that. The difference is that some people have received that click, that activation code that makes us realize the threat inside. And it passes so many times when we are young, when we are supposed to be living so many things and learning and enjoying life. That is because we are absorbing so much that we cannot control what enters our brain. And then, the poison begins contaminating the mind and in some youngsters, it happens so fast, with so much fierceness, that when others notice it it’s simply too late.

 Many people talk nowadays about the terrible cancer that extinguishes people in a heartbeat. AIDS does the same, consuming people fast. But there’s not that same awareness or interest in the mental issues of the human body. Our most appreciated tool, our brain, is also weak. No matter how hard the skull or how trained the mind is, the brain can also be affected and we are one of the biggest threats to it.

 The world today is the reason. We have to be so many things at the same time and do some others to be and be to be accepted because that is supposed to give all the peace we need. But that is a lie because we are never really accepted except by some individuals. Isn’t it strange that people what acceptance by everyone and they decide to ignore the fact that they will only know a small portion of the humans inhabiting this world in their lifetime? And even if they could meet everyone in the world, those others humans also do and think and are in order to be someone in this tiny grain of rock in space.

 We do not realize that we are competing, and hard, for the exact same prize, which happens to be non-existent. Because no one is never accepted, no even by all the people they know. And we all do that; we all do and say things to benefit ourselves, to keep moving, to be noticed and appreciated. Even if our main goal seems to be another, we are always looking for acceptance. Many have love as a goal and what is love but the acceptance, by someone else, of you as their chosen romantic interest? And if your goal is to have a job, you have to woo certain people to get it, by working hard or through any other means.

 It all comes down to people liking you, of that sick obsession with everyone needing and wanting you to be there by their side. And obsession that has its root in the past, when our species felt it needed to unite or it would face extinction. We are now many millions and still we think we need to be all on top of each other. That’s why countries always meddle in the problems of other countries: not only they need to show their power but also because they are desperate for allies and friends and companions. As if we weren’t already just by being born in this world. We do not need acceptance but a simple reality check to tell us how exactly alike we all are. No one better, no one worse. No one nothing. We are all the same thing which is, by the end of the day, not that much.

 When I feel empty, I feel like I cannot breath, as if the world was all around me, pressing me from every corner trying to make me explode. Once, the poison reached a point in my brain where I collapsed and was in the mercy of my most basic instincts. I attempted to destroy myself and felt liberated when I felt I had succeeded. There’s no feeling in the world like blood running down your forehead. You know why? Because you feel alive. Isn’t that sick?

 It is. If the only way to feel, to be able to communicate is to smash your head against a wall, something has to be very wrong. “Talk to your family”. That’s the advice I followed and it helped. Not because they said something really useful but because I realized I couldn’t go forward with the plans that the poison had for me. I just couldn’t sacrifice what I am and put them on the way. I stopped and held back from ending it all. And I didn’t do it for me. I understood things have more consequences than we realize. Sometimes we are so driven by what’s inside us, that we just don’t see what is happening around us. But I did.

 People would love me to say that I stopped for me, because I had some kind of revelation and just realized how much worse the world would get without me. But that would be a lie because the world wouldn’t realize I was gone, only a fraction of it would. And I stopped for that fraction and for nothing else. If it had been for the world, solely for that, I would have gone through with it. But I didn’t and here we are.

 I’m not strong. You don’t really require strength to stop the poison inside your head; you only need time and distractions. Because of you’re having a great time, it all seems to happen too fast. Have you ever noticed that? The poison hasn’t. And the idea is that when you die, the poison is there, contained because it had been distracted for years and years. That’s all you need. Again, you just need to do. Just do.

 That’s what I’m doing, trying to keep the thoughts, the sounds, the feelings, all at bay. I write because I like to do it, it’s true. And because it’s the only thing I feel I do well. But mostly, and many people do not know this, I do it to keep everything from touching me too close. I’ve been successful for the most part of the recent months with a couple of incidents where I just had to take a breath and relax, in order to not let anything inside win any ground.

 One of my weaknesses is when people say to many nice things to me. I mean, they are nice and gentle and even if they don’t really know me that well, I thank them. But when they happen too often I feel they are lies and they start hurting bad, like huge burns. And then the poison starts moving and I decide to chop every arm, every single thing that may let it move more, even if I have to sacrifice some things many others would appreciate.


 It was long ago that I decided not to have any romance in my life, at least none for real. Because I discovered that was the easiest way to let the poison, to let me, kill myself.