Ariana & Sex

   Ariana loved sex. She didn’t just enjoy it; she actually adored all that she could feel while doing it. For this, she had been called “promiscuous” and even names like “whore” and “slut”. She did adhere to the thought that she was promiscuous. She did have sex with a larger array of men than usual but she wouldn’t call herself any other names than that. It wasn’t like she did it every single day with every guy she crossed on the sidewalk. She wasn’t a female predator or anything. No, she just loved pleasure.

 People that called her names were often part of one of two groups: the jealous women and the hurt men. The first group was very large and it consisted manly of women that were envious of her because she men were drawn to her. And what made them even more jealous was the fact that Ariana wasn’t the typical kind of girl that one would think was of the promiscuous kind. She wasn’t ugly either but that was alone enough to make all those girls go crazy.

 It has to be said, because people might be thinking it, that Ariana never slept with men that had any kind of relationships to other women. Of course, there were many that try to lie to her about it but, by now, she knew men so well she could tell if they were lying. And if that failed, she had learned to read cellphones and go through wallets without the guys even noticing it. This worked to her advantage very often.

 The other group actually departed from this first screening she did. The rejects, or men who she denied sex too, were often so offended that, instead of correcting their ways, they spread the word of her being someone less than a common prostitute. A man that is hurt is, however, not very dangerous. That is because they do it out of spite, like a small vengeance towards the girl, a childish reaction, to sum it up. And Ariana was simply bigger than that.

 The girls, however, could be very destructive. Some of them had actually done pretty awful things to her but Ariana just kept on going. She knew herself and wasn’t ashamed of anything. When confronted to any of those girls, she acknowledged what she did but she also asked them if they were also envious of her being more free and nice than any of them? Because she was, Ariana was not only liked because of sex. She was actually a great girl, compassionate and a great friend.

 So the name-calling was something she didn’t care about anymore. Ariana just had sex when she felt like it and that was all. She did it only with guys that had earned her trust and, as weird as it may sound, she always asked them for a date first. There, she realized if the guy would be a nice sex buddy or if he wanted more or even if he proved to be one of those obsessed guys that roam around the world. She knew the types and rapidly discarded the ones that she didn’t like and kept close those who she liked.

 Yes, there must be romantic souls reading this going “But what about love?”. Well, Ariana didn’t believed in love so that made all of what she did much easier. She formed no bonds with any of the guys and only slept with them three times, at most. After that she would just lose contact with them on purpose and, most of them, would understand. She did feel something special for a couple of guys but this proved to be that aching people have when being alone for too long. And that feeling doesn’t lead you to love but to despair.

 Of course, she always used protection and if a guy refused to use a condom, she would simply leave or she would expel him from her apartment, whichever was the appropriate thing to do. Besides, she had gone to several classes of personal defense; she was a green belt in karate and knew how to use a knife and a gun. All of this was because her father, a former policeman, had taught her how to defend herself and never allow anyone to turn her into a victim. Of course, all of this had come in handy in the last few years, when many guys stepped beyond the boundaries of their arrangement or when someone tried to mug her.

 She smiled every time she remembered people clapping on a bus when she almost broke a guy’s arm. As the bus was full, he had decided it was time to touch many ladies in their behind and even in other parts. But then he committed the stupid act of touching Ariana and he ended up in police custody. That moment made her proud because none of the other women there had reacted appropriately, all scared and screaming and waiting for others to react. Ariana just wasn’t the type.

 This toughness also attracted men. That’s why, during sex, she could use all that she had learned in self-defense but in a more pleasuring way. No man had ever said anything bad about it and it wasn’t very hard to tell if they were enjoying themselves or not. Actually, one of the things that she liked the most was the fact of feeling the other person’s pleasure. Just feeling it and looking straight at it. It was great and it felt better when she made them feel desired and unique.

 Ariana didn’t like the jock types. Most times she went out with too good looking guys, she would get soon very bored because those guys always think everything about them is just perfect and flawless when it’s not. That safety about themselves relies only in their looks and nothing more so when any woman looks beyond that, it isn’t a pretty sad. So abs and that metrosexual sense of fashion, wasn’t her thing. She did have some lovers of the sort but only because they had something else going on for them. But they weren’t the best lovers, not even close.

 The best lovers, she thought, were the ones that are a bit more reserved but not entirely shy. It’s the kind of guys that are nice and all but also have a bit of a dark side. She enjoyed that very much. Also, the guys that maybe most girls overlooked but which she senses had something going on for them. It was something hard to explain but she was sure many others felt it too. Because it was with guys like that with whom she realized she actually enjoyed sex, far beyond the final act of penetration. It sounds so awful but that’s the word.

 Many men and women think that’s all sex is about when it actually isn’t. Just think about it: you’re alone, naked, with a person you like, hopefully in many ways. Maybe there’s not love but there’s a particular interest, a kindred spirit if you will. How not to get pleasure from such experience? And how not to imagine so many ways to actually experience that moment. All senses are more acute when experiencing pleasure so Ariana knew exactly how to use them all, how to arose her and others, how to fully enjoy everything that the body is and gives.

 And, again, it wasn’t like she was having sex all over the place, every hour of the day. No. She enjoyed I but she wasn’t a freak about it. Some of the objects in a sex shop made her blush still and she only did have any sex with guys that convinced her of it. It wasn’t about fucking random guys. That wasn’t her deal. It was about sharing an experience she liked with people that understood that the body is much more than just a bag were we carry our souls.

 She shared most of her experiences with friends, because people who were really close to her knew about who and how she was and that didn’t bother her at all. She loved to tell and also to hear. Many of her friends, both women and men, asked her for advice and she would give them tips and advices on some tricks she had learned or read about somewhere or even seeing in a movie. She wanted others to enjoy themselves too, no matter if it was with their partners in life or with a new acquaintance or whoever.

 Ariana also learned a lot from her friends because, of course, she hadn’t done it all or anything. In many aspects, she was a very classic lover and it was always nice to give things a twist from time to time. Actually, she loved to talk to her lesbian and gay friends because they seemed to be a bit more open about their sex lives and also because they dared to go a little bit beyond what most straight couples did. Some things were surprising and others were simply too clever. In any case, she always remembered in time to practice them, if the moment was right.

 But anyway, Ariana is much more than a girl that loves sex and the pleasure it gives to people. She’s also an accomplished woman, always trying to better herself in order to learn more and enjoy life responsibly because, as she often states to her friends and lovers alike, “life is only one and it is too short to be spending it worried about what others might think of you”.  

The Other One

   I just couldn’t confront what I had done. The morning I woke up there, I felt wrong, guilty and even filthy. I wanted to leave that place so fast and never return again. How should I have know that only days later I would have to go back there, practically against my will.

 There was no need to say “goodbye” to him. After all, we didn’t really know each other that well or, at least, that’s what I prefer to think. I never let anyone too close and I have my reasons for that. No, I have no idea who he really is and I’m not interested in finding out more than I already know, more than I have too.

 You see, we were celebrating our promotions with other people of the office. We went to his place because it seemed cheaper to buy some bottles from the store and go there and have a great time. And we did. I hadn’t been that happy for a long time and I fucking deserved that promotion. I had worked hard and so had he and Laura, my best friend there. The three of us had been in charge of a certain project and we had done so great that our boss decided to grant us a very well deserved promotion. We would make more money and we would have nice new offices.

 Almost everyone was happy for us because they knew how hard it had been for us to have the job and then to be good and make such a project a big reality. We were admired and that’s why many people came to Joe’s place. Of course, it was free booze and we ordered some pizzas and I even made some cookies, already a bit tipsy. Lots of cinnamon in them... We had a blast but something that I hadn’t realized happened in a second, in blinking of an eye.

 I had gone to clean my hands after spilling some vodka on the floor and cleaning it. I had been looking at the mirror, any trace of alcohol apparently retreating, when I realized the door was half open and there he was. Joe I mean. He asked me if I was ok and I nodded and told him I was having a great time and that I felt sorry for spilling vodka. He seemed shy or distant, jus strange because he had never really been shy during our work together. And we had stayed up late in the office. He even took me home sometimes.

 But then, in that bathroom, there was a tension only broken by a girl who entered in haste and decided to vomit too close to my shoes. I jumped back just in time to retire from the “splash zone” and decided to rejoin the party, forgetting about my encounter with Joe. Well, until the party ended that is. Laura, her boyfriend and I stayed behind to help Joe clean up the place. When there were only glasses to throw and small things to put in place, Laura and her boyfriend left.

 As I cleaned up with Joe, there was this awful silence. It was even more ominous because there was no sound from the street, being three o’clock of the morning. Not a single soul walked the street below and I started talking to him about that, how empty and lonely the city looked when you stayed up until late. He agreed, saying it was worse in the suburbs, whereas in downtown or other commercial areas people were still roaming around. We talked about different things and decided to have one last drink. We both consumed it fast and, as I recuperated from the strength of the beverage, I realized he had his hands on my waist.

 Needless to say that we kissed and I didn’t resist. I hadn’t had any physical contact of that kind with anyone for years and I wasn’t going to refuse any act of kindness towards my body. Some minutes later we were in his room and we had sex. I was about to say we made love but that’s impossible, because I wasn’t in love with him. As I said before, I barely knew him. What I can say is I had a great time with him in that room because, never mind the alcohol, I can still remember every thing that happened.

 I felt guilty the following morning, very early, because I realized something I had forgotten the night before: Joe was engaged. She worked in the company but in another department. I had seen her a couple of times: stunning body, nice face, very kind and joyful. Joyful is not my kind of thing but it looked good on her. She was a knockout and I had heard many guys in the office had tried to date her prior to Joe but that was long before I had begun my work there.

 My pants were on the floor, my underwear on a chair, my socks in my shoes… Once I had everything on and my cellphone and backpack, I just left trying to be as silent as a mouse. I couldn’t look, for some reason, to the doorman to the face. He greeted me but I felt he knew, somehow. I felt the same thing all the way home, on the bus and on the sidewalk, just walking before finally entering my place, where my cat awaited me because he was very hungry.

 I fed him and decided to sleep properly after that. Sleep came fast and so did dreams in which I met Joe again and kissed him passionately in front of his girlfriend. In the dream, she just accepted it and left without saying a word. I woke up even more tired that I had been at arrival. Thank God it’s Saturday, I thought. I decided to stay in my home and just eat and watch TV. No one interrupted me, except Laura that called me to know if I had gotten home all right. Laura had been my friend of many years and the one that got me the job. I owe honesty to her.

 She was surprised at me but even more surprised at Joe. Everyone knew the news that he was going to marry the gorgeous girl of the office and the fact that Laura reminded me of that was awful. She then questioned Joe harshly, stating that if he was sleeping with others, it surely meant he had done it before with other girlfriends and that he was not “husband” material, despite what everyone thought.

 I let her speak. She didn’t stop for a long time and I didn’t say a word. She’s right about it all. But then I recall the way he touched and kissed me. I have had one-night stands before and I know how they go down. People are just sexual in those moments, like animals. But Joe had not been like that with me. Or so I felt… Maybe I was just trying to think about it in a good light instead of really remembering it for what it was. Maybe I’m just too eager to be the one they stay with instead being the one they sleep with.

After hanging up with Laura, I recalled my history of casual sex and concluded that, without a doubt, there was something unique about this time. I had never stayed behind to sleep, which had been a first. Although the alcohol might have knocked me out before I could even think about leaving. But that wasn’t a fair statement because almost every time I had had casual sex, I had done it with alcohol involved. It was making me crazy, for sure. Thinking about him and about his perfect girlfriend. I decided, for the sake of my mind, to stop thinking about it. Or at least, I tried.

 The next Monday was a nightmare. I felt all eyes on me, even when people were just coming to me to congratulate me about the new job. Even my boss thought I hadn’t liked the new office, my face all sad and dreary. I really tried to fake happiness a bit during lunch but that was a tremendous failure and even Laura was looking at me every time, like checking if I was going to screw up.

The hardest part was meeting Joe in a conference room and talking to him for an hour about our next project. If he had any worries, he was very good at faking them because he looked very relaxed all the time, even laughing, telling some jokes and looking at me directly into my eyes, which felt awful. It was the guilt, for sure, that grew even larger when his girlfriend opened the door at the end of the meeting and kissed him on the lips.

 Suddenly I felt so jealous of her. I hated her right there. I could have put my hand around her neck and choke her or at least grab that beautiful glossy hair and pull it hard all around the room. But all that only happened in my head. I left with Laura and she grabbed my hand. Visibly, she knew that he hadn’t gotten to me. Or maybe it wasn’t him as such but the fact that someone had being so nice to me, even if it had been only sexually, and know that possibility vanished.

 I decided not to let that get the best of me. The next day I decided to focus on my career and in honoring my new post in the office. From day one, I was on top of everything and people noticed it and suddenly I stopped thinking about Joe. I even dated a couple of guys after that, none successful relationships but nice people so I didn’t care. It was a surprise however when, the day Joe and the girl were suppose to get married, he called me and acknowledged all that had happened that night. And then he said the most hurtful word I’ve ever heard.

-       I still think about you.