After the tenth glass of vodka
tonic, everything still looked the same. The place wasn’t nicer or more fun
just because of that and the people in it just looked like normal people, just
guys flocking around a compressed space, looking to have sexual intercourse
with other men. That was the reality Ronald had chosen for himself that night
and he had chosen that same reality some other times, when he felt especially
horny but also very lonely. One of those parties usually cheered him up.
However, that one had all the
indications of a dud. He had been there for a whole hour and it had felt like
four times that or even more. That was never a good indication of how much a
place was fun or a party was entertaining. That’s why he started asking for
those vodka tonics from the moment he arrived. The guy at the booze table
wouldn’t even take a good look at him, he would just pour the liquids fast and
try to keep the line moving or maybe he was making room for someone special.
As for Ronnie, he did try to
check out some of the other guys but they didn’t seem to care for his presence
at all. Actually, some of them just seemed to not even acknowledge his
existence. However, that was better than what others did: look at him straight
in the eye, with the same expression they would use when glancing at a bag of
decomposing garbage. They looked at his black socks, all the way up to his
messy hair, and just made that ugly look that said more than a group of worse
and even more than a good assortment of insults.
He saw that look many times that
night; even after he had been sitting down watching some guys play a dancing
game. It looked fun and he would have liked to participate, but to his
surprise, there were many guys coming in such a party in large groups. The four
guys playing the dancing game seemed very friendly with one another, probably
friends from college or something of the sort. So he kept to himself by the
wall, downing his vodka, hoping the alcohol would help him have a bit of fun.
Well, he never got drunk. After
several glasses, he felt exactly the same way. He even went down to the rooms,
the one’s with all the action. But there was nothing for him there. They were
all filled to the top with men that would make a swimsuit model blush and cry.
He tried to get into it but no one even wanted to touch him by accident. So he
went back to the booze table and asked for one last glass of vodka tonic. He
downed it slowly, watching people still getting in. Once he ran out of alcohol,
he walked right to the entrance and asked for his things back. Leaving made
sense.
The guy tending to the reception
seemed to be too important, as he ignored Ronald for a while. When he finally
decided to pay attention to him, Ronald basically ripped the bag from his
hands. He didn’t even looked at his face, not wanting to have anything else to
do with that place. In a matter of moments, Ronald dressed up and ran down to
the entrance of the building. He was about to call a taxi but he finally
decided not to do that, as he felt he needed some time to think and walking
seemed like a nice idea.
That was probably the alcohol
thinking because the area was not the safest one in the city. It wasn’t a pit
of despair either, but let’s just say that people didn’t really walked around
there at night just to be safe. Ronald didn’t mind, as he knew he was a fast
walker and that was always important in cases one could be mugged. So he just
closed up his jacket real good, checked he had everything with him and then he
just walked out into the cold of the night. He could hear the music from the
upstairs.
In minutes, he was away from all
of that. He was away from those bodies that had claimed the throne over anyone
else, those bodies that had rendered everyone else useless and undeserving. He
had all the images still in his head but he wanted to stop feeling like such a
piece of trash. It was hard because being rejected like that, in such a blatant
way, was always very hard on him. It wasn’t his first time in that rodeo and it
certainly wasn’t something he was keen on repeating over and over in his life.
He passed a small grocery store
that, in order to sell beer and cigarettes to young people like him was still
open so late at night. He laughed to himself, because it wasn’t really that
late. He had stayed in the party for about two hours, between the moment he had
entered to the moment he had left. And the party could last up to ten hours. So
it was kind of fun. He decided to enter the grocery store and buy some chewing
gum to mask his horrible vodka breath and to buy something to eat.
When he got to the register, he
paid for a pack of mint gum, two bags of chips (one lemon flavored and the
other chicken flavored), a bottle of ice tea and chocolate bar in case he felt
too cold. He got everything in one of those very cheap plastic bags and
continued on his walk, heading home but not really having any rush to get
anywhere. He wanted to eat his chips and just think, think about why it got to
him so bad. Think about why he had let them get to him and his brain. Yeah, he
was an average guy but somehow that had became something similar to a heresy or
sometimes even worse.
The hypocrites. Those were the
worst. The ones that always praise you for being such an authentic and real guy
and then just side with the new gods because it suits them best. Those fuckers
don’t deserve to be paid attention by anyone; they would sell their mothers if
it meant they could get to play with those they admire. It’s sad and pathetic
and frankly extremely annoying, and that’s what made Ron leave the damn party
and just have a nice walk home, however long it could take him.
He was glad to see some street
dogs wandering around. Some of them accompanied him for a big part of his walk,
until they were apparently lured to the other side of a street by the smell of
food. Actually, the smell of fried food also opened up Ronald’s appetite. The
bags of chips and the ice tea had already been consumed and he was still very
hungry. He knew he had some leftovers at home that his mother had kept for him,
so he could already picture them on a plate, warm and cozy and he ate all of
it.
Walking faster was not really a
possibility because the distance was quite big. He could get home but it would
take time and getting tired before reaching the middle of the route would not
be the smartest thing to do. So he just kept on walking, looking around for
muggers or worse, and forgetting very slowly what had happened to him at the
party. He would think about it from time to time, but he would actively decide
to think about something else, because torture himself didn’t make any sense.
It took him two hours to get
home. His feet were destroyed when he opened the door carefully, in order not
to make noise. He thought about eating the food but decided he was more tired
than hungry. Besides, he could eat it all in the morning, as breakfast. He took
off his shoes and entered his room slowly. He removed all of his clothes and
then just entered the bed, which was very cold but kind of cozy anyway. He
thought one last time about those men and their bodies and in a hush voice he
just said, “Fuck them”.
The day after, Ronald had a very
fun family day with his parents. It wasn’t that they made something special but
rather that he realized that there were things that he needed at one moment of
his life and there were other things he liked to do or have when he was
recuperating from a very annoying event.
He quickly forgot about the
party, the booze, the men in it and even the music. The fact that he decided to
block all of that from his life had something to do with it. He just wanted to
be happy and those parties were not being fun anymore. They had run their
course in his life and now he needed to move on.
