No happy endings

   After it happened, I went right into the bathroom and pretended I was doing what people do in a bathroom. Of course, I had closed the door properly and, after a few minutes, I turned the faucet on to make water run and make them think I was washing my hands. But the truth was that I wasn’t doing any of that. I was staring at myself in the mirror, looking at a person that I knew but not really that well. I got closer to the glass and really tried to get in there, I really tried to see if there was a human behind those eyes. Maybe the one I thought I knew or maybe another, a new person that I had to get to know better.

 But no, it was me. It was me there, naked on a bathroom in which I had never been in. I decided right there that I wanted to leave but, after what was happening in there, I had no idea if anyone was going to let me leave. To be fair, they both looked like decent people, not the kind that put a lock on the door and then do something unspeakable. No, they really seemed like any other people or at least like any others that liked what they had started doing after a lot of drinks. But I did want to leave so that had to be my priority. In this day and age, I couldn’t just do as they pleased and forget myself in seconds.

 However, that was exactly what I did. I tried to forget myself for a while, trying to pretend I was some other person or that I was in some other place. It worked for short periods of time but then I had an interruption from reality and I had to start over again. But that had been a very good idea because, not much long after my escape to the bathroom, everything finished and we found ourselves catching our breaths. It was then I stepped out of that place, after arranging myself properly that is and checking that I had all my belongings on me. I know very well how rude that was of me, but there was no other way.

As I walked towards the bus stop, I tried to convince myself that was the best thing to do. After all, I didn’t even know them. I hardly knew their names and not so much more about them. I did not know what they did for a living and had no idea of the dog’s name, the one that had been sleeping in his little bed for all the time I had been in there. I didn’t get to ask how was it possible that they could afford such a nice place in such an expensive neighborhood, being only two people with, as far as I knew, fairly common incomes. But none of that was ever mention at any moment, as alcohol had played too much a role.

 I sat down at the bus stop. The place was lonely and freezing. Luckily, the next bus would pass in just a few minutes and I would be home in a rather short time, or so I hoped because of the late hour. When the bus got there, I noticed there were very few people in it at that time and the only ones there were all alone, not talking to anyone or having any kind of interaction. Somehow, I felt I belonged there at that moment, in that exact place in the world.

 When I got home, I checked my cellphone as I took off my clothes off for a second time that night. They had written me that they had loved their evening with me and would have loved for me to stay. I felt strange, wrong somehow. It was all made even weirder by the fact that the guy that wrote had a picture of their wedding as his profile picture on the app he used to contact me. It made me feel like an invader, like someone who wasn’t supposed to be there. And also, it made me feel lonely and not worthy of anything.

 I spent a few minutes in the dark, sitting on the edge of my bed, only wearing socks and briefs. I wondered about my life, my shitty little place, my horrible job and my absolute lack of friendships and real love possibilities. Instead of spending a fun night, which had been my intention all along, I was feeling horrible. Feelings of loneliness and sadness invaded my body and it was then when I moved to get under the covers and tuck myself in tightly in order for the warmth of the fabrics to make me feel a little less horrible.

 However, the mind always works more when left alone. So, I started thinking about the cute couple that I had met earlier. They had seen me at the bar, and we started drinking right then, drinking and drinking a lot. We did that for only a couple of hours and then they talked about their place and I just said “yes”, without any hesitation or doubt. I just pushed myself into something I didn’t know about, without measuring any possibility of danger or any outcomes. They had chosen me as their person for a while and it was just when I entered their place when I realized what I had become, at least that night.

 I was just a guy. I wasn’t me, with my personality and all the things that make myself the person that I am. They weren’t interested in that, so the alcohol collaborated with some part of my unconscious brain to just hide all that was me and “enjoy” myself that way. And I did, I cannot pretend I did not feel pleasure or happiness in different amounts. But it was right before running to the bathroom when I realized they just wanted a body there to be with them. I was not myself in the sense that there was no one inside that body, at least not the full me controlling everything, as it should always be the case.

 One has to do what one has to do, so I did. I made them happy or at least did exactly what they had probably thought about for a long time. I was the vessel for their imagination, for their pleasures and fantasies. And that was nice, I guess, but I have to believe someone, only one person, can also feel something for me and not only for the me that moves around the world but for the me that lives inside this body, the me that thinks and hurts and feels insane sometimes. Maybe someone can find a way to actually love me for who I am.

 But I won’t keep my hopes up. This is life, not a silly movie. There are no real happy endings.

Chernobyl

   Chernobyl orchid. That was the name chosen for the first plant ever discovered outside our planet. Some thought it was a very distasteful thing to name the first living plant outside of the Earth, but the astronaut that made the discovery was not a botanist and couldn’t really think of anything better to name it. After all, it suited the flower perfectly, as well as its surroundings. Even those who weren’t thrilled by the name would concede that, overlooking the obvious, the name was pretty much accurate.

 The plant was found living in the Saturn’s moon Titan. It was once thought that no living organisms could live there, as the place looked more like the grimiest factory on Earth than like a the paradise one would associate with space travel. There were several lakes there made entirely with gasoline and kerosene and the air seemed thick, even through the spacesuits. The astronauts didn’t like to be wandering around there at all but they had to in order to take pictures and collect rock samples.

 It was just as they did that when they discovered the Chernobyl, almost hiding beneath a big mound of rocks that had formed something like a cave. Inside, the flower seemed to be trying to live, making an effort not to die in such a horrible environment. It was an impressive plant, as its leaves reminded astronauts of orchids but it lacked the beauty of those flowers. It didn’t have any bright colors, except for small yellow pustules beneath the leaves. The rest was black, black as night. And its most impressive characteristic was that it glowed in the darkness of its cave.

 That’s how they discovered it. Someone was using the special goggles to analyze rocks and when they turned their head, they were able to register the glow of the plant. So every single astronaut there, five in total, almost ran to the spot and started taking pictures. After a while, they just stared because they realized how important that discovery was. No one in the history of humanity had ever made such a discovery and, it was likely, than another of that kind would take many years to happen.

 Even looking so grim, even sickly, the Chernobyl was a bright new light in their investigation around the cosmos. It was delicate enough to look like a flower, to have developed like one. But it was strong enough to live in an environment where oxygen was almost non-existent and were fuel was the prime composition of the surroundings. After the shock, everyone took pictures with the plant, some smiling and some pretending they were just discovering it. It was their moment to be silly for a while.

 That ended when they heard the first explosion. Once they were all outside, they saw the second one. The rovers they had sent had burst into flames, collapsing under the components of the atmosphere. It wasn’t like normal explosions but more like something getting caught on fire. It was scary and it reminded them that they had just the time to get back to their lander and return to their ship, which was probably over them right that moment. They doubted for a bit, wanting to stay a little bit more.

 However, their two fellow astronauts in the ship warned them about the time they had and how the atmosphere was getting a bit crazy because the sun was starting to get brighter in the region where they had landed. So they needed to be fast and careful not to disturb their surroundings more than the necessary amount. They carried the rock samples to the lander, as well as various test tubes filled with gasoline from at least five of the nearby lakes. They would leave only one probe, the one attached to a balloon.

 When almost all of them made it to the lander, someone asked about the Chernobyl. That question made everyone freeze on the spot. They hadn’t really thought about taking the plant to their ship, as it was something that was explicitly forbidden by their rules. However, they had all seen that the plant was not going to survive for much longer in that cave and taking it could be the only way to save a species from extinction. It was a moral dilemma they had no time to think about in those moments.

 So as it often happens, someone made the choice before the rest. One of the astronauts, who felt able to run back to the cave in a jiffy, turned around and pulled away from the lander as fast as he could. No other astronaut even tried to stop him. They were all thinking the same thing and, even if they weren’t sure about letting an unknown species into their ship, they felt it was the right thing to try and save something that could not be saved in any other way. So they watched and waited for a while.

 The atmosphere was getting worse, all of their outfits warning about the possibility of intoxication if they didn’t protect themselves properly by getting into a room that could shield them from danger. The only room like that was the lander itself but they couldn’t takeoff without one of their own. They waited and waited until they couldn’t do it anymore without endangering everyone’s lives. Just as they prepared to close the hatch, they saw the shape of the astronaut running back to his team, with something resembling a glass case between his hands. He was almost out of breath.

 They were all very happy to see their workmate. He even stopped running and tried to walk fast, seeing how happy everyone was with his return. He was smiling and showing them the glass box he had put the plant in. Everyone was so happy and smiley. No one saw the next explosion coming and they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it, as it was the nearest pond that had spilt its content on the ground, burning the astronaut alive. His screams field their radio frequency and their eyesight.

 They saw him extends his arms and then his body disintegrated into Titan’s soil. The glass box fell to the ground, but it wasn’t consumed like the organic body of the astronaut. Everyone in the lander was horrified and, for one second, they forgot in how much danger they were. But then the pilot decided to abandon her post and run outside the ship. She grabbed the glass box and returned to the lander as fast as she could. She gave the flower to the others and then lifted the machine in order to get to a safer place.

 As the lander pierced through the skies of Titan, the astronauts that hadn’t taken off their clothes stared directly at the Chernobyl. One of their own had been killed trying to get it to safety, saving it from its own extinction. It was ironic how one death happened trying to prevent another. Being human, they couldn’t avoid blaming the flower, at least for a while. On their way to the main ship, they hated on that thing, wanting to dropped in space and have the same fate that their fellow astronaut.

 But once they got to the ship, someone else grabbed the flower and immediately put it in quarantine. Hours later, no one remembered who had been fast enough to do that. But even after dinner they all gathered in the quarantine room and just stared at the flower. It looked even darker than before, its pustules apparently disappearing, as they seemed to be less than when they had discovered it in the cave. Somehow, the plant looked even worse than in Titan, as it taking it away from there had made it worse.

 Sure enough, after only one day, the biologist onboard notified the crew that the plant had perished. There were no signs of life and the leaves were slowly dropping to the ground and then turning white. Even so, they were going to analyze it all to have a better understanding of its qualities.

 But the other astronauts were appalled and felt guilty. They could have helped the guy run faster by cheering him on or going out with him. They could have done something to prevent him from dying in such a horrible and futile way. Though it wasn’t really a futile death. They didn’t really know anything about the Chernobyl just yet.

Deadland

   The mask Arnold was wearing was very tight around his head. It was a very uncomfortable thing to wear but it was the safest way to cross such a horrible place. The Deadland, as some had named it, was a huge marsh land that had always been there but, all of a sudden, had begun to grow and occupy more and more territory. Of course, this happened after the war, a time in which a faction had used the marshland as a hiding place for themselves and all their weapons, including experimental ones.

 It was rumored that an explosion had occurred a few months before hostilities had ended. The problem was, no one could really tell if such an explosion had happened. Some of the elders from nearby towns, people who used to get in their boats and fish on the canals crossing the marshland, were the ones that told the rest of the world about the explosion. As many satellites had been rendered useless in the fight, there was no way to confirm what they had seen or any detail related to it.

 According to the general story, a roaring sound preceded the actual explosion. Some said it was like a gigantic lion roaring in pain or a panther, about to attack its prey. They all agreed that the earth shook violently afterwards and that the water in the canals rose in the most dangerous manner. Some even said they had fallen of their boats. A mushroom cloud then rose from the marshland and it had a very specific feature to it: it was very elongated and the color of a ripe plum.

 The elders said the cloud rose to the sky for several days, until it apparently dropped back again to the ground. It was very strange that, if that was the case, no one had the idea of taking a picture. A woman on the other side of the marshland tried to show Arnold and his team a picture she had allegedly taken but it was as blurry as those UFO pictures people used to believe were real. The woman was obviously in need of much needed attention, so they left telling her she was right about everything.

 Penetrating into the marshland had not been the first idea of the government but, after testing the air and water, it seemed the place was really changing fast in a chemical way, at the very least. The toxicity had grown so fast, that some people had died when passing by the marshland and not even entering. That was what made the government decide to send the team inside and not only collect proof of how that ecosystem was growing and, at the same time, seemed to be poisoning itself by the minute. It was very important to know what was going on.

 Arnold’s team was made up of only five people. The military had sent their representative, as well as one from the department of National Security and another from the Ministry of the Environment. The other two people were him and his assistant Linda, who had asked repeatedly if she could join the team. She had always had a certain obsession with fungus and mold and every toxic thing in the world and she wanted to be a part of the team that went inside that awful place.

 They did so one morning, after eating a very light breakfast. They all put on their masks and carried a backpack, which was half a tank of oxygen and half scientific equipment. Even the military guy had to carry computers and other things to test plants and, if they found any, animals. He carried a large assault rifle and a gun on his thigh, which was clearly excessive. If he misfired or anything bad happened, guns would not be a match for toxins. But he didn’t seem to mind that detail.

 The place was flooded with water and it was right there when they found the first traces of heavy toxicity: the bodies of several small mammals floated all around them. There were rats and raccoons and also squirrels. Many tiny corpses of little colorful birds floated there too and it was clear the possibility of anything surviving such a catastrophe was not very high. They moved on, trying to find dryer land but they couldn’t. So they took out the inflatable boat and paddles and moved on.

 They had decided against bringing a boat with an engine because of the noise it made and because its movement could cause some unwanted reaction in the water. The best idea was not to disturb the environment, even if it was doomed for a prompt death. The woman from the Department of National Security was one of the two people paddling, slowly through the maze of trees and many other plants. It was her who gasped and made everyone look to the side. The boat stopped.

 There was a tree there, which was not very unusual. But what made them open their mouths in disbelief was that it was twice or maybe three times the size a normal tree was. This wasn’t a red oak forest or anything like it. Most trees in these parts would only grow to three or four meters, at most. But that one was huge and, not only that, it featured some of the brightest colors any of them had ever seen. It was almost as if the tree was glowing right there, during the day, with the sun very high in the sky. But it wasn’t. It was a strange mutation, result of some kind of event.

 Arnold began to realize that all reports about an explosion had to be true. Only a cataclysmic event of that magnitude could explain the strange changes that were now obvious all around them. Because there were not only dead animals and colorful trees, also huge bushes that had once been as tall as a medium sized dog and water that seemed to be colored blue. The scariest part of it all was when, out of nowhere, a bird flew from a tree and flew above their head, making them spent more oxygen that they should have.

 The creature was not only bigger than a normal bird from a swamp; it had also developed new features in its body. As a scientist, both Arnold and Linda knew that any other scientist would be thrilled to visit such a place, once they knew about the change that has been done. Mankind had been the one to blame here, that much was true. No creature evolves from one day to the next. So Arnold proposed a slight change of course, in order to look for the source of the explosion and any remains that could exist.

 After several hours of paddling, in which each person did a shift, they didn’t seem to find anything knew. According to their devices, they were about to hit the northern border of the growing marshland, which wasn’t where they wanted to go at all. They needed to go deeper, to the center of the whole ecosystem in order to see for themselves if there was some kind of remnant of the bomb or whatever it was that caused the explosion. It was essential to find the key to explain the existence of such a place.

 The boat moved around several canals and, finally, they seemed to be where they wanted. However, the sun was beginning to descend and that meant they had little time to go around and look for any evidence. Besides, their oxygen tanks weren’t eternal and there was no way to survive that place without them. Arnold descended from the boat and asked for the military guy to accompany him. His weapons could be of use after all. It was not a place to be taking things lightly.

They had barely started their walk when a roaring sound came from beneath the canal, not the trees. Something resembling a tree branch, but much thicker and mobile, appeared from beneath the boat, knocking it out of the way and sending its passengers flying.

 Linda fell close to the men and the other woman swam fast to the edge of trees where she could be rescued. However, the fifth member of the team was impaled by the branch, after he had landed on a nearby mangrove. They couldn’t scream, just run, hoping that thing wasn’t able to follow them.