It hadn’t really been a nightmare. I mean,
my body hurt and the things I saw didn’t made me jump of happiness but it
actually wasn’t a good dream either. It was just a very strange dream in which
I had seen people that hadn’t been close to me for a long time. In the dream,
we even slept in the same bed, we spent a long time together, sharing moments
that only really good friends would share. I don’t remember, but it felt as if
I had been dreaming about work but we did not work once during the dream, we just
moved around, not worried about anything in the world. It felt so strange.
It was even stranger when I woke up and tried
to make sense of it. My body was actually tied, as I had really been running
around my room the whole evening. Those kind of dreams also made my head hurt
because the involved an especially big investment of memory and all the
imagination I could use. Besides that, my body tended to get very tense when I
dreamt about something so tense. Once, my teeth had been grinding so hard against
one another that one of them lost a tiny part that I probably swallowed or
something.
I have no idea why it is that I dreamt such a
weird scenario, but I did. We were all in a bed, the biggest bed ever I
believe. And then this guy that wanted to have sex with me kept insisting all
night, even after I had given him a reason to stop insisting with it. I had
helped him, if that is the correct expression, but he wanted more and more,
touching me and trying to get closer and closer and I pushed back as strongly
as I could because, after all, I didn’t wanted to wake everybody up just
because that guy was been such a dick.
But then he tried to do it without permission,
almost forcing me to have him. So I pushed and directed what he was using to
annoy me towards the guy that was sleeping on the other side. I have no idea
what exactly happened, but the other guy almost jumped out of bed and they had
some sort of argument that I couldn’t clearly hear. Surprisingly, some moments
later, no sound could be heard in that room, except for my breathing and the
tossing and turning of the guy that he had directed the annoying guy towards.
He realized he was a friend from college.
Maybe friend was a bit of a stretch because
they had never really been friends in the traditional sense. We did study
together but that’s as much we had in common. He was from another country and
he tended to be always in a mood that would be more appropriate to a rich
intellectual. He was always musing about poems and writers. That was in the
real world though. In the artificial world, he seemed to love attracting looks
to his face. He was annoying in real life; of course he had to be it too in
that weird dream.
However, in my dream, I tried to talk to him
the day after what happened and he does talk but he doesn’t say anything about
what happened. He really seems like a douchebag but I know the real one is not
really like that. I mean, he doesn’t get that far from that description, but I
always told him that he was so kind and smart; he could be whomever he wanted
with all that knowledge. But that’s who he was, a guy that love to attract
attention to himself and that’s fine because at least it’s real, that’s really
him and that’s how people should love him.
The rest of the characters in my weird dream
are a little harder to point out. That’s because there were only two that kind
of behaved like protagonists and all the rest were just filler, floating around
with no real purpose. The other guy was someone I was sure to know but that I
couldn’t really place anywhere. I know there is someone like that close by or
at least I have met someone exactly like that but I have no idea from what
world I drove him out of. All that dreaming and nightmares and so on, made me
feel kind of tired.
I stood up from my bed, and soon realized how
early and dark it was. I hadn’t woken up at that time for a while, since I was
in high school to be honest. The world outside same to be drenched in a storm
made of the color blue. It was just my imagination, I guess. I decided to step
into my shower and get cleaned and presentable in order to start the day, even
if that day happened to be a Sunday. I had the whole weekend to think about
what had happened in my dream. I thought I wanted to let it go, but no, I just
couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Especially about that guy that was basically
harassing me. He was really coming forward to me as if we had met before. I was
sure we had but I couldn’t remember when and that had really happen or at least
I was almost certain it had. The warm water in the shower helped me realize
that I did know that guy but only by sight. He was one of my followers on the
social network. We hadn’t met or anything but we wrote one another very
frequently or at least that was some months ago. I had no idea what had
happened to him.
Maybe he was so very well inscribed in my
subconscious that my brain decided to be turned into that villain that we see
throughout the movie. Or maybe I actually knew how much I liked him and just
wanted him so much that I decided, in my dream, to try and have something with
me. Of course, that would make me the one to blame for whatever happened during
that whole strange experience. I was fine with that. I just wanted to
understand it all.
I think I wanted that to happen. I mean, not
what happened with my college friend in the dream but rather what the other guy
was asking from me. After all, it wasn’t everyday that I found someone that
wanted me so badly. It had a very bad side to it, of course, but somehow, in a
very very sick way, it was a very attractive thing to happen. That’s why in the
dream, even there, I was willing to have sex with him once, just to enjoy the
feeling of how I would love to have someone that actually wanted me and no one
else, even if I was only for sex.
I got out of the shower and dried myself up
pretty slowly. It was a strange dream, just a very weird dream that I should
leave behind but I just couldn’t because it was so vivid in my head. I went
back to my room and let myself fall into my bed. I was in a towel and kind of
wet and even so I didn’t really care about anything else than that feeling that
I really was in conflict over something that shouldn’t entail any kind of
conflict. It was just a dream and that’s that. I had to learn to let go of
things that weren’t’ there to help me but to disturb me.
I actually fell asleep for an hour or so. When
I woke up, I was bit shaken because it was very cold and the towel had fallen
to the ground. I was almost freezing so I put some clothes on and decided to go
out for a bite, in order to remove his face and presence from my head, from
both the good and the bad part of the dream. I couldn’t keep trying to make
head or tails of it, so I just wanted to have some peace, at least for a little
while. Going out was a good idea.
I first went to a fast food place and I
thought I had seen him there. And then I thought I had seen him in a bookstore and
so on. He was everywhere and my mind was obsessed about a person that I didn’t
even know who it was. I decided to go back home and just try to relax and
distract myself. That worked just fine because I decided to simply not think
about it any of it, not what happened or how it had felt. It was all out of me
for the time being and I truly hoped to be able to have a normal sleep know
that I had gotten over it.
But then, when I fell asleep again, he came
back and he was clearer this time. What I mean was that I could see his face in
something very similar to high definition. Thank to that, I realized I had
never really met that person. But then I realized something else: as I got
closer to him and raised my hand, he grabbed it and caressed his cheek with it,
and then he kissed my fingers and looked at me straight in the eye. What
happened was that I had fallen in love with someone I didn’t know. How was that
possible? Was he real, somewhere or was he just an illusion I had built for
myself?
