What I saw in the cave

   No matter how much I try, I will never forget what I saw in that cave. The scientists had already done their digging and everything was as organized as it could be. To my surprise, people I had known from the past and from afar, were working with them. I didn’t know why but I never asked anything in detail, it was better if I was in the metaphorical dark. In the cave I was in the real dark, a humid place that appeared to be like a museum, at least in the first area I stepped in. It was a scary thing to do, entering that place, but I did it anyway.

 Then, I saw him. It was very strange: he came up to me and said “Hi” and I answered. We knew each other but, deep in my being, I didn’t know from where or why. He seemed to stare at me to much, making me a bit uncomfortable. I tried not to look at him too much because he made me feel worried somehow. Then, another man appeared, one that was already leaving the cave. That one I knew very fast who he was: I had bought my ticket in from him and I think I don’t really have to explain what that’s supposed to mean.

 We didn’t looked at each other for long, instead pretended to ignore one another. A kind girl I had known back in high school gave me a helmet and some protective goggles. I had to loosen them up a little bit because they were really tight around my head and I was already getting a headache from seeing two guys I had been intimate with in the same place. I suppose that didn’t really spoke very well of my behavior but, to be honest, I don’t really care how others perceive me as long as I’m able to get whatever it is that I want.

 With the girl, I started to descend into the depths of the cave. I was getting more and more nervous because I knew what they had found there, I knew very well why I had come and it was because I wanted every single piece of the truth in my power. I wasn’t going to give up an ounce of the knowledge I had gathered along the years and I certainly wasn’t going to pull back from getting my hands on every piece of information I might need. I think everyone that knows me has that in their mind when they see me and, to be honest, I like it.

 Julia, the girl who takes me deeper and deeper into the ground, doesn’t seem to care about any of that. She had always been so kind and respectful of everyone when we were in school together. She was a little bit like me: never excelled in anything, always been a very average student. However, she had it clear in her mind what she wanted to become: a renowned journalist. She worked her ass off for it and made it. Now she worked with this corporation because she thought she would get the first scoop on the story.

 I got scared for the first time when I stepped on a rock covered in moss and I almost fell right in the hole they had made in the ground. Julia was very agile and managed to grab my hand in the almost dark, pulling me back afterwards in one go. She was stronger than I had imagined and now I understood why they had hired her. Maybe she had being trained, like all those other security guards that I had seen around the compound. They were like huge rocks, impossible to overcome. They weren’t even scary but massive.

 We descended a little bit more until Julia took my hand and told me to let her lead, as there was a doorway built into the wall that lead into the space which I wanted to visit. After walking for a bit, we crossed a plastic curtain and then there was a very potent light. She told me to grab one of the hazmat suits that were hanging on hooks on the side of the tunnel and put it on as fast and as efficiently as I could. I don’t know why, but I started to shake a lot right there.

 When I was done with suiting up, I realized she had been ready for a while. I couldn’t hear her and she couldn’t hear me. I guess the suits prevented even know from getting in or out. I felt strange, not very sure of what I was doing but I was already there and there was no turning back. Julia walked first and I followed her. The tunnel continued for, at least, fifty meters and then it opened up into another chamber in the cave system. Julia had a flashlight and made me realize how massive the space was. A building could have easily rested there.

 Then, she grabbed my hand and indicated with her hands that she was going to be pointing the flashlight downwards. And then she seemed to ask something of me: to remain quiet. I didn’t really understand why she would do that sign. I did moments later when I didn’t obey her advice and screamed at the top of my lungs. It was the most awful thing I had ever seen and the image was now stuck in my head, in my eyes even. She pulled me out as fast as she could and, in what seem seconds later, we were on the entry point of the cave.

 I ripped off my suit and decided not to listen to her orders or to anyone else. I dropped every piece of equipment as I walk straight to his office, to Michael’ office, the guy I had slept with in order to get in there. He wasn’t in the office. I started looking around for him but the small group of trailers that made up the camp next to the cave was not exactly a big one. There were not really many options to where he could have gone. I left the last pieces of the suit there, turning around as if going crazy.

 Then, Alex came and grabbed me tight. He took me to one of the trailers and close the door. He was the guy I thought I knew but didn’t quite remember. When I saw his eyes from a close distance, I remembered him all right: Alex had been one of the guys in my life that I had to convince of things that weren’t real. That was my life and now he was in front of me again and the worst part was that he seemed to still think that everything that happened was true. But I wasn’t up for that, not then.

 I asked him, before he could say anything, if he knew about the cave, if they all knew. He told me only a handful of people had gone down there. He hadn’t and neither had Michael. Only Julia and the group of scientists had been there but the rest of the crew in the camp knew exactly what was down there. I started crying. I couldn’t control myself. I told Alex that it was horrible and that I couldn’t get it out of my mind. I had wanted information and now that I had it, I didn’t know if I wanted it anymore or if I could do anything with it.

He held me in his arms, which were very strong, and I realized how nice it felt. Actually, I remembered how I had lied to him for a long time in order to get to another secret I was seeking. He knew who I was and, instead of trying to arrest me or something, he was hugging me and trying to make me feel better. We looked at each other’s eyes and I realized he was crying but I never got to know why that was. Someone was knocking on the door and Alex opened it. He got out and I got confused for a second and then I saw Michael coming in.

 He closed the door behind him and demanded me to tell him what I had seen in the cave. I told him he knew exactly what I had seen and demanded his thugs to let me out of the camp. Michael smiled in the most awful and disrespectful way and told me that now I was theirs and that I had to work with them as a mean of payment for what I had seen. I told him he was insane if he thought I would tell anyone about what they were keeping underground. I would never be able to reveal such a secret to anyone a live unless I wanted to scare them for life.

 He grabbed me by the arm and reminded me how I had thought I had used him to get inside that camp. Now, he was giving the orders and the most important one was that I wasn’t going to get out of there anytime soon. Then, I felt the most awful look all over my body. His eyes felt like the most awful medical devices, making me feel more than naked, almost violated. He got out of the trailer without even closing the door and I collapsed on my knees. My job, my life choices, had taken their toll on me and now I had become something I had never wanted to be: a prisoner. Basically, they had beaten me at my own game.

Aquarium

 He took a bite of the sandwich while looking at the huge shark as he passed by the glass. It was a majestic creature, a real wonder of the seas. Don loved to sit there every day at work and just watch such a creature swim from one end to the other of the tank. It was a very large ecosystem but the sharks had a tendency of always moving around, which made them very interesting.

 Of course, there were many other creatures like manta rays and several types of fish, but none of them had the beauty of the shark, its elegance and just utter grandeur. Don’s lunchtime would soon be over. He only had thirty minutes to eat whatever he brought from home or bought from one of the many stores in the park. He really liked the big hotdogs from the stand by the turtle’s pond. They were always covered in thick mustard that was spicy and so rich and delicious. When he was in a good mood, he bought two.

 It was also the day he had a night shift. He hated it because he had to parade all around the park, walking up and down with a flashlight, looking at nothing because there were never trespassers in an aquarium. Who was going to get in there? Some barracuda thief or someone who really wanted to have a real penguin as a pet? No one would do that. But the company that managed the park was so cheap with their hiring’s and expenses that they rather put him at night with a flashlight than invest in real security like cameras and all that stuff that any other place had.

 In any case, he took that time to see the animals when they were less stressed out and it happened to be really nice. They behave differently, as if a huge weight had been lifted from their… Well, not shoulders but, you know what he means. Don loved to see the penguins sleep because they got all together and put their heads in a funny position and it was like seeing an old man trying to sleep at the park. They were little funny creatures and he had grown to care for them.

 When he was finished with lunch, he had to go to his day job as a janitor. He knew he had to be close to the petting areas because kids always spilt water on the ground there and more than one mom had complained about the puddles there, which could cause accidents and a lot more things according to them but he rarely listened to the whole speech. It was funny to him how they thought he was like the owner of the place or something.

 He always had his mop and his little cart to clean the mop not very far from him. Also a wet rag to clean the glasses and a bottle that left those glasses looking perfect in order for all the visitors to have a good look at every single creature in the aquarium. That was his job and he was kind of proud of it after having done it for more than twenty years. He had to like something about it after doing it for so long.

 That afternoon, just before the park closed, he bought two hotdogs and asked the young lady to put them in a Styrofoam case, in which they sold burritos and nachos and other stuff. She complained because she knew he had the night shift and every one there was kind with whoever had the nightshift. Even Don would always give a chocolate bar to the person that had to do it all the other days. His name was Vinnie and he was an idiot but the surprising part was that Vinnie only worked for that job, four days a week. Don had to do it the other three days of the week. It was a fair settlement, although odd.

 Vinnie was the type of guy not many people would hire: he had been in jail a couple of times and he appeared to show some evidence of mental challenges, if you will. He was very kind, organized and loyal to the place but, he was very dumb, always asking silly questions about the job and the animals, like how they mated in the dark at night or how the manta was able to fly and if the shark could read his thought. He was really insane but people, the other workers, cared for him. He was part of the aquarium family.

 That day though, it was Don’s turn to watch around. He had his food, his flashlight had brand new batteries, and he had brought a bottle of fresh orange juice from home and a magazine he had found in the trash by the tank of the jellyfish. It was one of those celebrity magazines, where they show who has been doing who and how and where. He wasn’t particularly interested in all of that but the magazine had enough information to keep him interested all night and that was the real important part.

 He also wanted ice cream but he had no way to store in order for it not to melt in his hand or his pocket. The weather had recently changed, from very windy and rainy to a dry heat. There were rarely clouds in the sky; no matter if it was day or night, it was really disturbing sometimes. He would have wanted his uniform not to be pants and a thick shirt with a hat on top and those big black shoes. He had even approached his boss about it but he had been convinced that if he wore that in the day, he might as well do it by night.

 Don really didn’t get that logic because, after all, of the other guys in the aquarium got to dress in shorts and nice cotton shirts and sandals. The dolphin trainers were always half naked and no one said anything. There was even a girl in the shark tank that hated to wear shoes. She would never use them, even in winter. Her fashion only included sandals and that was it. She didn’t fell cold or so thought Don. In any case, he would have wanted a changed for the evenings.

 As the doors closed, he decided to change things without telling anyone. After all, no one was even there to tell him anything. He had brought some flip-flops from home and he put them on as soon as the park got deserted. His feet were actually very thankful for that. The black shoes and socks stayed in his locker as his shift started. He watched the main map at the entrance, as he always did, and tried to create a route that would pass once by every single tank or exhibition. That way he did his job right and he had time to read his magazine and eat whatever he had around. He brought it all in a plastic bag.

 It was strange to be the only one making sounds in the night. He thought it was funny how only was person was trusted to stay there at night, to take care of so many animals that needed constant care. Sometimes, he would chat for a while with the vets that came at night. It did happen every night but it wasn’t unheard of that one of the creatures was having problems with its food or something like that. And those men and women knew a lot. The night passed by fast when they were around, imparting their wisdom.

 But that night, there was no vet or anyone else. Don was alone to read about how some celebrity had entered a rehab program and then gone out a week later. He ate one of the chocolates as he stared at the tank holding the sea dragons and then moved on to the sea horses, which he had always considered very particular, because of the fact the male can hold the babies while the mothers do other stuff. It was a little miracle in the sea and he pictured what that might look like in humans.

 A noise good him out of his imagination. At first it seemed to be far, not very important. But then, it seemed to be getting louder, to be more and more serious. He realized it was water and the first thought he had was that he might have to go for the mop right away. As he ran towards the sound, Don thought that maybe one of the animals was restless. He had read about in a magazine, how aquariums weren’t a thing anymore. They had no whale there and the dolphins had a huge habitat but maybe it was them. But it wasn’t.

 The sound stopped before he could arrive. Just as he arrived to the jellyfish exhibition, he saw someone run away. He attempted to follow but he tripped with his flip-flops and his bag of treats slammed against the floor. The Styrofoam case spilled hotdog all over the place. But that wasn’t the worst. The tank was spilling water all over and it wasn’t because of the animals. It was because there was a body floating just above the jellyfish, who seem to carry the dead man. As he got closer, Don’s jaw dropped realizing the corpse was Vinnie’s. He was purple.

Crossroads

   Usually, Norma ate pizza on Friday nights. But it wasn’t the norm that she ate it in a car, as she was doing now, next to her friend Beatrice. Bea had convinced her to do some spying, as she thought her boyfriend was actually not in a “football party” with his buds, but with another women. She was sure of it and had been nagging Norma about it for at least two weeks. So she finally came up with the idea of following him all around town if it was necessary in order to know what was the truth. Norma had only convinced her to take a tomato and cheese pizza with them and at least let her hear some music from time to time. She loved Bea and would never leave her alone but Friday nights were sacred, no matter if it was pizza in bed or partying till dawn.

 Anyway, they parked outside his house and followed him once he got out of there. He took the bus a few blocks away from his home and then they had to follow the bus, which was the most annoying thing ever as it had stops every two blocks and apparently the route was very long. Bea just kept saying she didn’t know any friends of her boyfriend that lived around there, but Norma didn’t really pay attention. She just enjoyed her pizza and the fact that she had found a really good radio station, with every song being amazing. When the boyfriend got off the bus, they followed him for four blocks until he entered a building and there was no way to seeing him for some time. Bea decided to call him right then.

 Norma, bored out of her mind, look around the neighborhood. It wasn’t the nicest place on Earth but it wasn’t too bad to be honest. There were some people walking around, mainly couples, possibly walking to the subway or the bus stop in order to get downtown, where most of the clubs and party places where. Norma didn’t really like to go to clubs unless she was feeling really depressed or something. Otherwise, it was too loud and too “happy” for her. Then, she saw a man sitting on a bench, a few meters behind them, talking to himself pointing at things that weren’t there and looking very worried about something. The guy was actually rather young and not ugly at all.

 Bea scared Norma with her elbow, trying to get her attention. Her boyfriend had told her he was at his friend’s house and that the game was about to start. She was holding her cellphone very tightly and asked Norma to look for games that were happening that night. She needed to know if that part was a lie or not. Norma complied but, once in a while, she looked outside to the man talking to himself. After not finding anything about a game, she told Bea she was thirsty because of all the slices of pizza she had eaten so she needed to get to a supermarket or something. Bea looked at her with annoyance but Norma told her she had seen a store a few blocks back so she could go in a second.

 After stepping out of the car, Norma felt the night was warm and just perfect. Summer wasn’t in yet but it could be felt in the air. She walked slowly, having no urgency to get back to the car. She passed by the man talking to himself and stopped right there for a moment, hoping to hear what he was talking about but it wasn’t very clear. He said something about an animal, some kind of farm animal, and then he switched to bombs and nuclear warfare or something like that. Then, the man kind of jumped in his seat and turned around, looking at her. He kept moving his head and hands but didn’t say a word as he checked her out. Norma just turned around and walked a bit faster towards the store, only thinking about the beautiful chestnut colored eyes that crazy guy had.

 The store was very empty and only a young Asian woman was there as the cashier. She was reading a magazine and the TV was turned on somewhere in he store. Norma walked around slowly, as she didn’t want to go back so soon. Bea could really get annoying with all of her boyfriend stud and Norma had no opinion about it all. So what if he was cheating on her? It wouldn’t be the first time a guy does that to a woman. And besides, they had just being together for six months. It was better to find out now that in two years or something. Norma was just a good friend but sometimes being that good was a very demanding job.

 She kept walking through the aisles until she remembered why she had come in for: something to drink. So she grabbed a bottle of ice tea and also some gum, hard candy and a women’s magazine if the night turned to be one of those long evenings with her best friend. When she was around the ice-cream freezer, the door of the store opened but she didn’t turned around to see who it was. However, the cashier was apparently not very pleased to see that person come in because she was telling him to leave and to get lost and many other things. He had a bit of a stutter, trying to respond to the woman, and Norma realized who it was: the guy from the bench, the one of the chestnut eyes.

 She walked up to the cashier and asked her to let him in, as she wanted to help him by buying him something to eat. The cashier looked at her as if she had become insane in front of her eyes but finally complied. Norma bought the man one of those microwave noodle soups. She heat it up on the machine behind the cashier and then paid all of her shopping and, with difficulty, she got out and walked up to the crazy guy and gave him the soup. It was incredible to see, as she got her stuff in order, how his eyes had lit up just because of some soup. It was boiling hot but he ate fast and she was surprised to see a smile when he was done. Norma smiled back.

 She then tried to get her name but the man wouldn’t say a word. It was hard to know if he couldn’t say anything or if he didn’t wanted to, but anyway, the soup had been a nice gesture and Norma was glad she could do that for someone. She turned around and started walking to Bea’s car but then the guy took her arm, a little too strongly, and started to tell her about nuclear bombs and how the world would end. He was talking so fast, it made her a little bit dizzy and the fact that he was pressing on her forearm with such strength was nothing to be amused by either. Like out of some kind of hypnosis, Norma pulled her arm out of his grip and told him to be nice or she would call the police. Then, as if that had been a code of sorts, he looked at her and begged her not to call the police.

 His voice right then was calm and rational. His eyes, hands and body in general had stopped moving awkwardly and he was just staring at Norma. She told him she wouldn’t call them but that he needed to learn not to treat people like that, especially when they have just bought him some soup. He asked her for forgiveness, as most of the time he was not really in control of anything, not his body or his mind or his mouth. He had lost control over himself long ago and now he just drifted around the world, trying to make sense of a life that seemed like a dream. He spoke so eloquently, that it was difficult for Norma not to walk up to him and just look at his face with a bit of regret.

 She then asked why was he living on the streets. Again, his face seemed to change in a second but his words kept their sense and she could understand everything he was saying. According to him, he had been a very good student in a physics laboratory not very far from there. He had helped all his teachers in various experiments and had even done some research on his own theories too. But then some guy, some teacher that was supposed to be his mentor and a great mind in the scientific community, he just stole every single idea his student had come up with. And as he was such a brilliant guy, every single one of his theories was proved to be right and it changed a lot in their field.

 This kept going for a while until the student accused the teacher to the board of the institute but they wouldn’t hear him. They thought it was one of those young people that are so obsessed with discovering something or being important, that they would invent anything in order to be considered into the scientific community. This had a very bad effect on the student’s mind, as he was already a patient for a number of mental illnesses. He wasn’t well at all and even confessed to Norma that he should have never being there in the first place, but life always has its ways. Suddenly, Norma’s cellphone rang. It was Bea, nothing had happened and she wanted to leave.

 Norma promised the guy, who said his name was Stuart, to come back and help him some more, with anything he might need. He told Norma that she had already done enough with the soup and by hearing his story. They shook hands and separated. Norma thought of him all the way to the car and more than night. Bea didn’t ask her where she had been; she just theorized what her perfect boyfriend was doing in his football party. As they drove away from the building, on a way of the fourth floor, it was clearly visible how the boyfriend was there all right, but naked and having sex with his friend. The game was on the screen.

The Celestials

I laid there and they came in, down the mountain, pass the stream.

Four, maybe five, walked slowly down the hill. Their limbs moving slightly as their legs transported their big, illuminated bodies closer to me.

No, they're not beings of light: they are made of stars. The deep black skin feels like a familiar fabric, their heads forming a beak and the back arched as if they've had to carry heavy burdens for far too long.

The time is short, but sweet. We hug and we play, all around the meadow and in an old ship, reminiscing of pirates that have never been here.

I never ask where they come from or why do they come to me. The happiness and comfort I feel being besides them prevents me from asking to many questions that do not need to be answered.

More people come down the mountain and join us. I do not know them or maybe  I do but it doesn't matter. The meadow feels like a safe place to be and maybe that's why we're all here.

Then, when standing against the sunlight, I can see a glimpse of who this being once was: a young, tall man. Hair the color of wheat and skin as pale as the moon. Who is he? Again, it doesn't matter.

The creatures stand by us, watch us laugh and eat and play and live. But they, the beings of celestial stuff, remain still, as if moving too much or too fast may break them. And we don't push for them to do anything they don't want to. Because, if they break, we break too.

No eyes to pierce with mine but I still try to see it again, the boy inside the stars. But there's nothing, only the thick blackness of space, splattered with millions of beautiful bright stars and galaxies, quasars and pulsars.

No... Not now... The moment has come when they begin to disappear, as mysteriously as they first came down the mountain. I try to grab his hand but there's nothing to grab anymore.

I wake up, in peace, but still worried. As I stand up, feeling the sheets off my body and the feel of the ground below my feet, there's a thought that dares not to live me.

I never had the chance to say "Thank you". For protecting me in the forever land of shadows, for taking care of my wounded body.

Slowly, my mind begins to erase the feelings and the thoughts done during the dream. But his face, the universal one, stays with me to fight the scolding light of reality.