He came back

   Trekking the archipelago was an adventure, there’s no other way to describe it. They had always been there, available for everyone to go and just take the challenge. Technically, they were a national park but getting the permission to walk through the islands and sail was not impossible to get. The only condition that could annoy people would be the fact that a guide sent by the government office in charge of national parks would have to get a seat in the group that would be crossing the islands.

 Amak was the name of our guide and he was only the third member in our small party. I was one of the others. The second member would be my husband, the person that had initially thought of the trip. He had been dreaming about it for many years, as he had been trekking the world with his parents since he was a little kid. They were ecologists; so travelling around the planet was a common thing for him. He had a birthday on Mount Everest and his parents wedding had taken place in the Australian desert.

 Somehow, he had ended up marrying to a person like me, someone that rarely travelled more than a hundred kilometers away from his birthplace. I had only flown on a plane three times in my life and they had all been moments of a certain character, like birthdays and special occasions for my family. I had met him in college and, to be honest, I had never really liked him. He had the attention of every single person at every moment, he was the one all girls fell in love with and all guys admired.

 It was just like that until the very last semester; when we were almost forced to interact do to the impending arrival of that dreaded moment when you have to make a final paper to sum it all up at the end of the career. The problem, which I now see as a blessing, was that we had similar projects and we were convinced to do the work together and surrender it as a duo, instead of doing it all by ourselves. So we had to start seeing each other often and it was then when everything changed.

 We started seeing each other differently and I discovered he had an image of me, as I had formed a picture of him. Of course, both ideas were not complete or accurate, so it was kind of interesting to uncover that slowly. We became friends after the first few months and then we really got to working on our thesis. We came up with a lot of things together and, by the end of all that process, we discovered we had something very precious between each other, something that was much more special than a newfound friendship. It was the time we knew more feelings were involved.

 After college we separated for a while though, because he needed to go back to his parents who were living in Nepal in that time. I was sure that he wasn’t coming back to the city, so I decided to just be a nice friend before he left. He didn’t say much during those days, preferring to be silent and a little bit distant. When he left, I caught myself crying sometimes, in the most strange places and moments. I just dried the tears and pretended nothing was going on, lying to myself because it was easier that way.

 To my surprise, he appeared in my life again six months later, after a long time without communicating to me. We agreed on talking on a bar and the moment I saw him I felt everything again, as if he had never left. It was strange, so I decided not to act on any feeling and just enjoy the moment. And we did. He told me new stories about his parents and also some of his own, helping people in remote areas and enjoying nature and life at tits fullest. He seemed to have had a great time there and it was obvious he wanted to be there.

 So I asked him why had he came back? It was obvious that he had everything he wanted back with his parents, traveling the globe and enjoying life near nature. And he now had a career to help himself and his family, so it did not make any sense to come back to a place he didn’t like or appreciate it beyond some friendships and the career he had gotten. I turned a bit angry as I said that, but I tried to control myself as much as I could. My voice trembled and my hands were shaking visibly.

 He did the worst thing he could have done in that moment: instead of talking, of explaining himself, he put his hand on mine. I jumped from my seat, almost knocking over my glass full of beer. Everyone turned around to look at me and I was too embarrassed, so I left him there on his own. I walked back to my house, not that far away from the place we had been drinking in. I was enraged and on the verge of crying, my fists tightly closed and my jaw closing violently as if I wanted to destroy my own teeth.

 However, he ran to get to me. Again, he grabbed me by the wrist and stopped me. Instinctively, I launched a punch towards him but he dodged it and made me get closer to him, in a weird hug that he forced at first but then I corresponded slowly. I finally cried and asked him again why he had come back to that place, to me. Again, he answered with no words, something I’ve learned that he likes to do quite often. He kissed me right then and there, in the middle of the street and of the night. It didn’t last long but it was enough for me to let my defenses down and finally get calm.

 And now, year later, he convinced me to travel like he once did. I had no commitment with nay kind of work or with anyone, so he convinced me to work with him and his parents and sometimes only with him. He was the kind of person that helped remote communities stand on their own two feet. He helped them communicate with the world and get access to everything they needed to survive. He convinced me to go with him and I accepted, feeling maybe I needed to change my life decisively.

 That trip crossing the islands was just part of the fun, something to do before and after helping people. The first night, we hugged tightly and Amak slept as if he had never done that before. I realized it couldn’t be that bad to be in the middle of the wilderness with the one person that came back to me, looking precisely for me. He loved me and I felt that every day I was with him, even if he made me do things I didn’t particularly liked doing. I guess he felt I was able to do all that and he wanted me to dare a bit.

 I spent all of those days holding his hands, sometimes for some minutes, sometimes for much longer. I realized I really loved that man and I loved the way he did things and how he trusted in me much more than I did myself. He made me feel better than special. He made me feel I was worth it.

Gripe o gripa

   Me quedé en la cama, con los ojos cerrados y recostado, no completamente debajo de las sábanas. Ya había dormido bastante y no quería seguir haciéndolo. Sin embargo, mi cuerpo no se sentía nada bien; con nada movimiento que hacía algo me dolía ligeramente. No era un dolor fuerte e insoportable sino algo suave, a veces casi imperceptible, y eso podía ser algo todavía peor porque no parecía detenerse. Abría los ojos a veces, como tratando de tomar impulso para levantarme, pero no lo hacía.

 La cortina estaba cerrada, por lo que no podía ver mucho en la habitación, pero la verdad era que no había mucho que ver. Había dejado algo de ropa tirada en el piso y el número de pañuelos usados sobrepasaba lo que era correcto tener por ahí, antes de tener que empezar a tirarlos a la basura. Sin embargo, todo dependía del nivel de ganas de hacer las cosas y la verdad era que eso era algo que no había. La gripe no solo había derrumbado las defensas del cuerpo sino que había destruido la voluntad del cerebro.

 No quería pensar, no quería hacer nada y sin embargo estaba en un momento en el que no podía cruzarme de brazos. No había mucho dinero ni mucho de nada, todo era escaso y tenía que ponerme a trabajar o hacer algo, pero no quería ponerme a buscar nada porque eso me cansaría todavía más. Además, en uno o dos años o los meses que hubiesen pasado, no habría cambio alguno en las respuestas que me darían. Siempre tendría demasiada educación o muy poca experiencia para otros. Así sería siempre.

 Decidí quedarme allí un rato más, cerrando los ojos durante largos ratos y luego dejándolos abiertos mirando a la nada. No movía las manos ni los pies, estaba acurrucado en el mismo lugar y trataba de no moverme demasiado para evitar sentir frío o dolor. Eventualmente me quedé dormido y no me desperté sino hasta que la luz había bajado aún más. Incluso con las cortinas sin subir, podía ver con facilidad que todo estaba más oscuro. Probablemente me había despertado tarde y ahora era aún más tarde.

 No tenía hambre ni quería nada de afuera. Decidí dormir más, si podía, o quedarme despierto para pensar en cosas que no tenían sentido, porque con la gripe y con la fiebre ocasional, es normal pensar en estupideces varias que no tienen nada que ver con nada. Incluso quedarse mirando algún objeto genera montones de imágenes de cosas varias. Y después queda uno dormido de nuevo, teniendo un sueño extraño que solo puede ser perturbado por la inhabilidad de respirar con normalidad. Aparte de eso, es un sueño con movimiento, en el que no se descansa de verdad.

 Pero así es como se siente. Y importa quién seas, todo se siente exactamente igual, pues a la enfermedad no le interesa como eres, quién eres o qué haces. Eres solo un ser humano, susceptible y débil y nada más que eso. Deja mucho que pensar y mucho tiempo para hacerlo.

Crumbling

   My head was spinning as I cleaned my mouth. I had emptied my bowels on the floor, completely. I didn’t feel relieved at all. There had been no food in my stomach, no liquid except some blood because of the punches he had given me in the stomach. I was still holding the pipe I had used to smash his head. However, I had used it way more than I should have and that’s why I had to relieve myself just there. I tried not looking at his body but it was impossible not to do so. It was too bad not to look at him.

 I looked around me suddenly realizing that I was there alone. Luckily, the power station in ruins near the ocean had been a perfect place for him to drag me into. He had been brutal and I think that’s why I did what I did. So I stopped thinking about it and just dragged his body closer to the ocean. I knew bodies would often float to the surface and people would come asking questions. So I just left him there, by the water, to let nature do what she had to do, no matter what it was.

 I washed myself in the water and then stepped out of the ruins, leaving him there. I had to walk down the road, back to the nearest place where I could get a ride back to the city. I had to pretend I was happy, being some sort of crazy college guy that had way too much alcohol the last night. I had to make jokes to the nice young lady that took me back to town and I had to ask her to leave near a university not too far from my home. She was nice with me and I would always remember her kindness.

 When I entered my apartment, I had to use the key on the plant next to the door, where I had always hidden a copy. When I opened, my cat almost jumped on top of me, meowing loudly, calling my attention and also demanding that I fed him right that instant. After all, he had been alone for a whole day or maybe two. The truth was that I didn’t really know what day it was, as I had lost my cellphone when the man had kidnapped me and taken me to the ruins. I fed my cat first and then took a long shower.

 I wanted to feel clean but I couldn’t really do anything to remove the whole stench from my skin. Not only he had been a beast to me, inflicting even more damage than what was visible, but I also bleeding and hurting inside and in my brain. My cat stood by the door, as if he was watching over me and, somehow, that made me cry. I cried so much right under the water, so much so that I felt drowned for a moment. I stepped out some time later, to watch myself in the mirror and face what I had done. I had killed someone, in my own defense anyway, but I had done it nevertheless.

 After coming out of the shower, I pulled out a suitcase from a closet and then started putting my favorite clothes in there. When I had the suitcase filled up, I called my parents and told them I had been invited by a friend to visit him abroad. I asked them for money for the plane ticket and they were kind enough to give it to me. It wasn’t that they had money to give away but they had been putting away some money for me, in case I wanted to study something more in life or put up a business or something.

 The plane ticket was not so expensive, though. So it was easy on their pockets. I bought it right then, with my savings, and I would use my parents’ money for the trip that would become a permanent thing. I also asked my mom to come for my cat, because I would not be able to travel with him. I think I kissed that silly animal like a hundred times and hugged him to the point he scratched in the face. He’s crazy like that but I do love him and I knew I was going to miss him a lot. I left him there, all alone.

 My plane would be leaving the country in just a few hours. I arrived just in time, running from one checkpoint to the other in order to make it to the boarding gate. Once inside, I felt a little bit at ease, writing on my cellphone one last message to my mother. I told her I would be leaving for a week or more and that I would tell her anything new when it happened. I hung up and then started watching the sky and the clouds through the window, as the plane began moving on the tarmac, on to the sky.

 I fell asleep fast and when I woke up, the flight attendant was smiling at me, handing me a tray of food. I took it and ate it in a few minutes, discovering how hungry I was. I hadn’t eaten a piece of food in a long time, so I was in need of it. It was at the moment when I stood up to go to the bathroom, when a woman almost screamed at me, when I was reminded that that wasn’t a trip of pleasure but one to run away from everything. I wanted to be far from the place that reminded me of everything that had been done to me or by me.

 She had yelled because of the stain in my pants. I ran to the lavatory and closed the door, because I had felt the liquid blood beneath my thighs. I tried to clean it but the only thing I could achieve was to cry again, trying not to sob too hard. I didn’t want anyone to hear my voice; I didn’t want anyone to know what had happened. All of it was going to haunt me forever that was more than clear to me. I wasn’t going to walk away from all of it and things, all those little things life is made of, would haunt me to my last day. That was more than obvious to me.

 Someone then knocked at the door. I didn’t answer. Another knock and I was getting very nervous. Then, I heard the voice of the captain announcing that we were going to land very soon and that it was important for everyone to get back to their seat, as the descent was going to be bumpy.

 I head the knock again and then a soft voice, the same voice that have given me the food tray, asked me to open the door. I did. She had a pair of man’s pants on her hand and handed them to me. She asked me to be fast, smiling before closing the door.

 That’s another face I will never forget. Hers, the woman that drove me back home and his face. His face…

El volcán

   Lo que caía del cielo era ceniza. El volcán cercano había empezado su proceso de erupción. Parecía ser una montaña gentil, como las personas que vivían a su alrededor, puesto que no había habido erupciones sorpresivas ni ningún tipo de explosión. Sin embargo, había despertado a todos por la noche cuando había empezado a escupir ceniza. Hacia las diez de la mañana, el cielo parecía como si fuera mucho más tarde o, mejor dicho, como si el tiempo no hubiera avanzado para ninguna parte.

 La capa en el cielo hecha de ceniza era muy gruesa y parecía estar atrayendo lo peor que podía suceder en ese momento: una tormenta de fuego y piedras que podría destruir todo lo que existía y siempre había estado ahí hacía milenios. Las personas, aunque conocían la montaña y de lo que era capaz, habían elegido quedarse. Por extraño que pareciera, estaban seguros que la montaña no los dañaría a ellos o al menos no de manera permanente. No veían lo que otros sí veían a kilómetros de allí.

 Varios medios, cadenas de televisión y emisoras de radio, habían llegado al pueblo para informar a todo el mundo de lo que allí sucedía. No era todos los días que una montaña parecía estar a punto de causar un nivel de destrucción como ese y estaba claro que a las personas les interesaba mucho saber de que aquellos eventos que causaban muerte y destrucción. Las noticias alegres u optimistas no eran las que vendían más y eso lo sabían muy bien los dueños de los varios medios que habían corrido allí en bandada.

 Se habían agolpado en el pueblo más grande de la zona y desde allí hacían todas las tomas que querían, posaban frente a la montaña y hacían entrevistas a todo el que estuviera dispuesto a responder preguntas que ya todo el mundo había respondido. Exploraban la zona reportando sobre la ceniza que seguía cayendo y las rocas incandescentes que caían de vez en cuando destruyendo algún tejado o bicicleta mal estacionada. Eran incansables repitiendo lo mismo una y otra y otra vez.

 Sin embargo, la montaña no parecía estar muy de acuerdo con las personas que habían venido. Solo echaba cenizas y rocas pero no había explosión ni erupción ni nada por el estilo. Lo más cercano era cuando volaban los drones encima de la caldera y podían observar algo de lava. Pero esta no se movía ni salía por ninguna parte. Se consultaba a los científicos de manera diaria, pero ellos no encontraban ninguna evidencia de que el volcán fuera a reaccionar de manera diferente de un día para el otro. Esto causó más problemas que si la montaña de verdad explotara de un momento a otro.

 El turismo que había crecido alrededor de la inminente destrucción de toda la zona fue amainando en los días siguientes y cuando la ceniza dejó de surgir de la montaña, todos se fueron casi sin dejar rastro. Los pueblos quedaron vacíos de nuevo y los campos tan calmados como antes. Eventualmente la lluvia lavó los campos de la ceniza y las rocas incandescentes que habían aterrizado de cuando en cuando, se habían convertido en simples piedras inertes que en la mayoría de los casos solo estorbaban.

 Los últimos en salir de la zona fueron los científicos, que quisieron quedarse más tiempo para verificar el estado de la montaña. Algunos estuvieron allí incluso dos semanas más pero no encontraron nada que indicara que la montaña se iba a comportar de forma violenta. Hicieron estudios exhaustivos y utilizaron una gran cantidad de máquinas, trabajando día y noche. Sin embargo, no encontraron nada y terminaron por irse como todos los demás, dejando al pueblo tan alejado como antes.

 Después de todo el revuelo, las personas de la región volvieron a sus campos y a sus animales, a cuidar de todo y a aprovechar la fertilidad que la ceniza había traído después de ser absorbida por el suelo. Las flores y los frutos crecieron de forma espectacular durante la siguiente temporada y todos, incluso los más pobres de entre ellos, pudieron comer como nunca antes lo habían hecho. Esto, por supuesto, nunca llegó a las noticias. No era de interés de la gente de lejos que otros vivieran bien.

 En una ceremonia después de la cosecha se honró a los espíritus de la montaña y a aquellos que vivían dentro del volcán. Por muchos años se les había honrado con ofrendas de distintos tipos pero esta era la primera vez que de verdad podían agradecer a la naturaleza por darles tanto. Es que habían podido comerciar de verdad, vender sus productos en sitios lejanos y ganar dinero para invertirlo en la región. Como lo habían hecho ellos mismos, no habían tenido que depender de los políticos y sus mentiras de turno.

 Sin embargo, vivir a la sombra de semejante gigante era algo que no se podía predecir ni entender por completo si no se vivía en el lugar por mucho tiempo. A veces la montaña se comportaba de manera reacia con los vecinos y otras veces podía ser muy generosa. Ellos habían comprendido que era una criatura viva y era así que se lo explicaban a otros, muchos de los cuales no creían ni una sola palabra pero les parecía “bonito” que los campesinos pensaran así acerca de un volcán que para muchos en el planeta no era nada más sino un destructor en potencia.

 Así siguieron las cosas hasta que un día los campesinos empezaron a notar algunos cambios en su entorno. Todo parecía haber cambiado en pocos días y la respuesta de quienes vivían allí era simplemente dejar de trabajar de manera tan intensiva el campo. En algunos sitios encontraron rajas en el suelo y en otros fumarolas que exhalaban un olor podrido que provenía del mismísimo centro del volcán. Cuando el olor fue demasiado para la mayoría, las personas solo empezaron a irse de la región.

 Pronto, no hubo nadie o casi en esas tierras. Los últimos que se quedaron fueron los más ancianos, los que sabían lo que iba a ocurrir y simplemente no les importaba. A ellos les daba igual que pasase una cosa o la otra, puesto que ya estaban listos para la siguiente etapa de sus vidas. Nadie los visitó cuando la región se vació de gente, nadie informó acerca de los extraños sucesos que allí tenían lugar. Nadie dio aviso cuando las personas se fueron ni cuando los ancianos trabajaron solo por meses.

 Un día, el cielo se volvió negro y el volcán explotó con una violencia inusitada. Rocas, cenizas, el campo mismo y las personas volaron por todos lados. Los que habían sido los costados de la montaña ahora eran ríos de lava y la gruesa ceniza ocultó todo lo que había existido allí. Por casi un día entero, todo fue un infierno y no hubo nada que recordara la hermosa región de campos de colores y de vastos cultivos que alguna vez había existido allí. Eso se había terminado para siempre, o al menos eso parecía.

 Todo terminó para cuando los medios por fin llegaron a reportar lo sucedido. Lo único que pudieron mostrar fueron los campos calcinados y la lava ya endurecida bajo el sol de la mañana. Toda la zona había quedado destruida, tanto los pueblos como los campos. Al comienzo se reportó que la mayoría de habitantes había muerto por culpa de la explosión de la montaña, pero con el tiempo se pudo verificar que no estaban allí ni una cuarta parte de los cuerpos que deberían haber sido encontrados.

 Nunca se encontraron a las demás personas que habían vivido allí tantos años. Era como si se hubieran desvanecido de un momento de a otro, por arte de magia o de los muchos ritos que allí habían practicado por tantos años. Muchos buscaron y buscaron pero nunca encontraron nada.

 La montaña, eventualmente, se curó a si misma y a los campos alrededor. Ninguna destrucción de ese tipo se da así no más, sin razón o consecuencias. Algún día, volvería a ser un lugar del cual estar orgulloso y donde poder vivir una vida feliz. Pero había que esperar, como antes otros lo habían hecho.