The concept of friendship

   Many people say that their friends are actually family as they have known them for as long as they’ve known heir parents or siblings, and have spent the same amount of time with each one. Some friends meet first in a park, when they’re babies, or because their families are acquainted. That is known to happen although it’s not the norm. Many people meet their friends later in life, when they reach the age to go into school. That place is the most common one to make first friends and to make alliances that would mark a person’s life, for good or bad.

 In my case, and like many people, I also made friends in several playgrounds and places of conglomeration. Kids have that innate ability to communicate with others, without all the contamination that we have as adults. They don’t see beyond a face and they make friends for life in a matter of seconds. Even if they only see each other once, for a couple of hours, they label the other kids friends. Why wouldn’t they? They understand that people who share a taste for something or a passion are friends and, actually, that’s what the base consists of.

 But as adults, we do not make friends that easily because we know a lot more about people and because we are more worried about been safe that about meeting new people. It’s not something bad. Some adults don’t have that protective sensibility and that’s when attacks happen, whatever they’re reasoning or lack of reasoning is. As adults, we don’t really make new friends. We meet people and bond but it is very unlikely that we connect as easily as we would if we were kids. Because we know people and we know what they can do.

 Nevertheless, we meet people and often share a connection. But friendship built on adulthood is much more sensible to changes and it isn’t likely it lasts very long. Why? Maybe because you’re not really evolving anymore. You are the same person day after day, year after year. Many people start being friends because they share a growth process and they need someone to share that journey with. But when you’re an adult, that journey is much more slower, less satisfying and not very thrilling to see, only to live.

 Although, the real key is to know on what you have based your friendship. Is it built on shared experiences, shared tastes, a likening for the same kind of people, a feeling of loneliness, a need to speak to someone, …? What is it that makes you someone friend? Many people think it’s because you share opinions but that isn’t always the case. It is impossible that two people agree on every single thing. Maybe on key subjects. Maybe that’s where friendship lies: in connecting in a couple of things you consider to be most important in your life. If you find someone who sees life the same way you do, on those two subjects, maybe that person would make a great friend.

I, for one, count myself in the group of people that don’t really have a lot of friends. How many friends do you think it’s “normal” to have? Some would say ten, some others twenty, some even might say only one good friend is enough. But, as most of things in life, that all depends on the person you are talking to. After all, we are not all alike and we all have different lives that make us different people. Besides, it takes a lot more than a couple of shared opinions to be someone’s friend.

 Let’s take my high school as an example. I went to a school were parents with an above average income would send their kids, so they were many connections on that level. Many people’s parents were friends so naturally their children were friends too.  Then, there were some people with average or below average income that had been able to pay for a good school for their children. Those kids were, strangely, not always on with the other. Those were the ones that felt the need to blend in so they tried to have a wider range of types of friends. In fewer words, they played it safe.

 Was there any bullying? Sure. It would be a very uncommon school if that hadn’t happened. It was always about the ones that came up as unusual: the very nerdy guy, the very nerdy girl, an effeminate kid, the new kid,… They are many types of people in a school and it’s normally very easy to put every person on a box, even if that’s not the best idea. But that is what the kids do. Girls, from a young age, know that it’s far better if they have an athlete as a boyfriend than the nerdy guy. Unless that nerdy guy happens to also be an athlete but that rarely happens.

 And men also know which girls they should date: the physically prettier ones because they need each other as prizes. If the rest of the people know that they are dating someone especially “hot”, then the other will know who is more important. Of course, we are talking about young people’s dynamics. They are many times vicious and calculating and they have learned all that from their parents and media. No one can wash hands when we see a terrible teenager in a mall or small brat in the park. It is a shared blame but blame all the same.

 I was the new guy. I was the new guy for about two or three years. They saw me as an outsider because, although it was common for new people to arrive, they preferred the ones that were outgoing and had something to bring to the table. I didn’t. So I was an outcast for many years in school until I made some friends. But we didn’t have a strong connection, like common goals or tastes. We only had one another and that was enough to be friends.

 The years went on and I made some more similar friends and realized the concepts had slowly shifted. It wasn’t like when we were fourteen. At seventeen, girls want to date the bad boys and guys want girls that have been around the block. That is the truth and the biggest truth about it all is that it’s all a lie. Must people, and this is a proven fact, have not have sex until after they leave school. So it is statistically impossible that every single person with whom I graduated, had lost their virginity. But anyway, people claimed they have had sex because that was the next big thing.

 Kissing, having sex, alcohol, drugs… You name it. I doubt that it was only happening in my school. All kids have that rush, a need for what has been forbidden for many years. And they love it or at least fake they love it because at that age what you do most is faking and lying. Whether it is to your teachers or your parents or your so-called friends, doesn’t matter. You just do because you learn lies can take you where you think you want to be.

 I didn’t really lied back then. I didn’t have anything to lie about. Alcohol was fine but I was not interested. My sex life was better that many other’s in the school, which is something that does not make me proud but I find funny. But there was no love, no childish romance. I never experiences that. I never knew how it was to feel that stupid feeling of accomplishment when you haven’t really done anything. And, obviously, I will never know.

 In college I had the best time of my life, no doubt about that. I started learning about what I loved and met people with whom I made deep connections. I understood how it is you build a real friendship, balancing those similarities and the opposing opinions. That’s when I became and adult. I did it when I realized how society works and I refused to play by the same rules because I had learned them and wasn’t going to play that game of hypocrisy and lies.

 My rule in school was to make time pass and not to attract any attention to myself. And I think I did a tremendous job at it. But in college, when I realized who I was and why I was that, I started not giving a shit about what people said or thought. I think many saw me naked, not on campus of course. I attracted attention to myself a couple of times and did not care. I felt free and all because I was happy. I had never felt so fulfilled in my life.

 Nowadays, that freedom is blurry. I have no job, no prospects; the future is bleak at best. But I keep the friendships built on solid ground and all that I learned while growing up. The friends that I made on sandy ground are not there anymore. To be honest, I don’t know if they are really friends at all. I like them and would never say anything bad at them but it’s the truth when I say we needed each other back then but now what made us be together doesn’t exist anymore. We have no reason to be together as no real lasting connections were ever made.

 Friends, in any case, are important. We need that connection with others because it’s the only way we built ourselves up and realize our potential and how we can make this world one worth living in.

Job interviews

   Anna prepared herself for days. She had to get a job once and for all because she didn’t want to live with her parents anymore. They were all right, it wasn’t that they weren’t a bother or anything but she wanted more than life than her eternal bedroom with a window towards the mountains. There was never sun or warmth in her room and she had always thought this affected many of the things she did. Besides, she needed change urgently. Anna didn’t want to turn thirty and still be the girl that hadn’t accomplish much. She felt everyone she knew was doing something and she wanted to do something too.

 She tried skirts and pants, blouses and sweaters, heels and flat shoes. All that in front of a mirror the day before her job interviews. She had been scheduled to be in at least five: three of them were in a ten-block radius so she could get to any of them on time by just walking. The other two were in other areas and she was going to have to take the bus. It was possible they called Anna from two more places to go there and just pop up for an interview but they would only call her if they had the time to do it that day.

 The girl woke up early, spent exactly seven minutes in the shower and got dressed pretty fast having prepared her outfit the day before. She put on some make up, verified that she was bringing everyday in a briefcase her dad had lend her and then she went out the house. But the moment she was about to hop in the elevator, she realized she had left her cellphone in the kitchen, after having a fast breakfast. She had to go back, grab it and then run out faster than before. She had thought of taking a taxi to the first interview in order not to be late and she did arrive just in time.

 The job was in a cleaning product factory. It was one of the ones that were in a distant location, more exactly in a large industrial area. She arrived just in time, as a bald man said her name. She smiled and got in an office with him. The interview was very normal at the beginning but then the man asked about her job background and her studies. Anna had gone to college to be an architect and she had the degree but that had nothing to do with the job they were offering there. She said that, as it was an assistant post, she could learn fast but the man wasn’t convinced and told her, kindly but with decision, that maybe the factory wasn’t the best place for her. She thanked him for his time and left the building shortly after.

 A bit bummed out by the outcome of her first interview, she took a bus straight towards the financial area. There. She would have three interviews and she tried to convince herself they were going to be much better than the first one. In the bus, something funny happened: a very cute guy, one of those that might not even realize he was cute, was standing by the middle of the bus and danced softly but as the bus reaches its destination, the guy started dancing more and more. Maybe it was that he didn’t realize that people were watching, because he had big headphones, but many of the passengers of the bus were looking and a kid was even recording a video of him. This very particular event made Anna think that some people are just who they are. Maybe she was too desperate and that too was noticeable.

 So when she entered the building were the second interview was going to take place, she made a mental note to be a little more lose, more natural and compelling, instead of being lost and nervous. Maybe if they saw a cheerful and very committed Anna, they would hire her. The interview was in a fashion magazine and she would also assist on several duties. The ad didn’t really specify what was that she would be doing but that was ok. She entered after ten minutes of waiting and it was a woman this time that did the interview. They chatted amicably and even laughed to some jokes and characteristics of the job such as helping the very full-of-themselves photographers or just stock pictures in the archive.

 Anna went out of the building walking on air. She hadn’t secured the post but she was sure she had made the right impression. So that was the key, just to be playful and funny and go along with must of what they said. Everyone wants to hire someone who isn’t going to be a problem and that can be deduced if the person has very strong feelings against something or is not very eager to be in there.

 The next one was in a import-export company. That appointment had been gotten for her by one of her aunts that happen to work there. She was ready to be the nice and likeable Anna but they man that interviewed her was the most sparing person she had ever met. He only said the necessary words and avoided to make eye contact with her so it was very hard to be cheerful and smile when people weren’t even paying attention. And even when she saw the chance of being funny and original, the man didn’t seem to care for it at all. The longest part of the interview was about her aunt and Anna knew the job wasn’t hers when the guy said nothing at the end of the interview.

 Annoyed by this last one. She decided to have lunch and then go on her next appointment jus six blocks away. She bought a sandwich and a bottle of water on a supermarket and went to a small park to eat. Some other people were doing the same but others just passed by talking with co-workers or friends. There were many college people too and that made her think of her friends and how college was so much easier than parading around the city begging for a job. Because after all, she thought, that was exactly what job interviews were. Most of the times, they didn’t chose people that were the best at anything. They just went for who had family there or whom they just liked, which was sad.

 Anna decided to be early for the next one so she walked very fast to the building was the interview for a secretary post in a talent agency was being held. This time it was different as she was asked to enter the interview room with three other girls. They all sat in front of two people and were asked random questions, each one answering them in just less than half a minute. It was like being on a marathon because when they all went out, they discuss how tired they were from the bombardment of questions. None of the two interviewers said anything to the girls before asking them to leave, only that they would call if they find them to be a fit for the agency.

 The girl was ready to take the long bus ride to the last appointment but then she got a phone call from one of the places she was waiting word from. They asked her to their offices right there in the financial district. She said she was only a few blocks away and thanked them for the opportunity. As he go in the next building, she received a message from the factory she was going to go later telling her the post had been filled and that she wasn’t require to go. It was a little bit sad because it was a clothing factory but she didn’t have much time to think as they made her enter an office as soon as she arrived.

 The place was beautiful because of the glass walls all over. It was a bit scary at first but then she stood up and went straight for the window. The view was breathtaking as she was standing on a 46^th floor. She almost fainted when she heard a voice behind her. She hadn’t noticed someone had come in and was about to excuse herself when she realized her interviewer was one of her former college teachers. Mrs. Flores was her 3D modeling teacher back in her architecture days so the conversation they had was very nice, mostly about college but also about Anna’s abilities in the computer.

 Mrs. Flores was actually the head of the department in a video game company and somehow Anna had forgot all about the job she had come for but her former teacher told her she would be a perfect fit because it was a small job but one were she might learn more about her trade and also from the world of video games, which was expanding every single day. Anna got very interested in the subject during the interview that was substantially longer than the other ones. When it was finished, she hugged Mrs. Flores and told her than, even if she didn’t get the job, she was very happy to see her again. The teacher told her she had always been very perceptive and agile with her work and that many people did not own her same skills.

 After going out from the building, she decided to call a friend and meet for ice cream. Anna thought she deserved a prize, as the day ended, for having confronted so many types of people at the same time. One appointment had been cancelled, she never received word for a potential seventh interview and some of them weren’t great. But some were and, talking with her friend, Anna realized that, in any case, she had her future in front of her so she shouldn’t worry more than necessary. She realized she had things to offer so, hopefully, someone would notice, even if the work world wasn't the fairest of them all.

Waves

   The ocean was his thing. When high school drew to a close, his parents had insisted on him finding a proper career to study in a big city, at least ten hours away from their small town. But Ari, our young enthusiast, was fascinated by the treasures of the sea and was eager to follow his grandfather’s footsteps. That man was a living legend as he had broken all records of size and number of fish he had caught. He was just the best at his craft.

 Ari visited Mr. Gons, his grandfather, pretty often. The old man lived in a small shack by the sea, where he would still fish his lunch and ate very little fruits and vegetables, despite his daughter’s insistence. He always told her that he was over eighty years old and, beyond that age, it didn’t really matter what had eaten before in your life. Mister Gons thought the ocean could give anyone a fair life and enough to nourish from.

 So it was from him from whom Ari had learned to appreciate the ocean, which had always been there for him. He loved swimming, of course, and had done a bit of surfing but he wasn’t much into it. He loved diving, though. He had attended a school were he had learned all the basics and now he did it every time he had a moment to do it. He would ask his grandfather fro his boat and dive alone, from the break of dawn to lunchtime.

 To his grandpa’s disappointment, he never brought fish to eat. He only went there to see the ocean creatures live, to the things they did normally, which was fascinating. He loved animals, sometimes bringing his dog Kop with him in the boat. When high school finished, his parents were mad at him for not having put his name down in any of the schools they suggested. They knew he loved the town but they also knew opportunities there were scarce.

 So, because of his decision not to study, he had the chance to do two things he wanted to do instead of studying law or medicine. First of all, he found a job leading tourists to a nearby reef. He would go with small groups and show them the marine life and how they tried to protect it from being destroyed. Besides work, which he always looked forward, he decided to help in the only fishery remaining in town. He started taking the guts out of the fish and putting them on ice but he hoped to get one a boat some day.

 The first months were both easy and hard, all at the same time. Driving the tourists around was incredibly relaxing, as only people who really liked the ocean would go on those kind of tours. The few times there was a nervous person, they would all help to make the experience the best of his or her life. There was definitely nothing like watching life just happen before your eyes and that’s what he loved of it.

The fishery, on the other hand, was hard work. He would do it four days a week an even then it was hell. The people handling the place had been shaped by the sea, just like their product, and they didn’t allow anything to go differently than what they had planned. They yelled a lot, especially when the work place was too filthy or the worker was too slow. Taking the guts out and scaling the fish was not as easy as it looked like and it had to be done properly or the fish would be damaged and selling it would be harder.

 Every time he got back home, after work, he would be exhausted. It didn’t matter from what job he came from, his hands would always be sore as well as his feet. Besides, Ami would gulp down food and a lot of water at diner time, as he didn’t properly eat all day. His parents were not happy for this but they didn’t say anything. He was being responsible and was winning his own money. They hoped that the workload would make him realized that he needed to study to improve himself.

 Then, halfway through the year, something no one had seen coming happened: Mr. Gons had died. It had happened in the night, while he lay on his favorite rocking chair, having fallen asleep with the sound of the waves and the feeling of sand beneath his feat. He was loved by many, especially by those families that had always lived in the town. The turnout at the funeral was outstanding; the family couldn’t have been more proud. Everyone shared stories about him and coincided that he was a one special man.

 Ari then, stopped working for a couple of days. His bosses excused him, just by looking at him: he looked beyond sad. He looked as if it was a defining moment for him so they gave him some time to think but not too much as he was needed in both the reef and the fishery. Indeed, Ari thought of his grandpa, who had thought him everything of the sea, but he also thought what he wanted from life. He knew that things were hard out there but then he realized he had already taken steps to make a live of his own.

 So the day he returned to work, confident that he was doing everything right. He couldn’t push to happen, he couldn’t force anything, but he could improve himself and just be good at what he did. He started reading a lot more about fishes and other sea creatures so that he would be available to give more complete tours on the reef. As for the fishery, he trained himself with a small knife cutting open everything at home. His mom was certainly impressed when she noticed everything in the fridge had already being chopped in various ways.

 On weekends, he would return to his grandpa’s house to drink a beer and watch the ocean. He understood then why the old man loved the place: the peace and quiet was overwhelming but appreciated. Being away from everything but that soothing sound was just perfect. But then, four months before the end of the year, he began going there with a girl he had met in one of the tours. She lived in a town close to his and would visit him when out of work. It was the first time he fell in love for real and knew she was in love with him.

 When working, he noticed he didn’t thought of it as he did it. He would think of her or of his plans, which were slowly forming in his mind. He had realized that, despite everything he thought, his parents were right. He did need to educate himself more to be better, not just to earn more money but to afford to live, as he wanted to do it. He had even thought of living with his girlfriend but that was another project, for the future.

 He told his parents of his realization that learning more was necessary to him, in order to know more about what he loved and to live a good life too. They were happy tear it but not so happy when he told them he had found an aquarium, in a medium size city about two hours away by car. It was not that they wanted him to go but that they wanted the very best for them. He explained the aquarium had a school where he could study marine biology. They actually had at least some ten more careers to choose from, which was very interesting.

 One weekend he was free from work, he took his girlfriend and his parents to the aquarium. The place was beautiful and they were all amazed that they had never really known about the place. The lady that gave them a guided visit, explained that the school had been open only for the past two years but that many students that wanted to study the careers they taught were very happy with their presence. Even the zoo area of the compound was much better than any other he had seen: the pools were very big and the machines were kept away from the animals, so not to disturbing. They didn’t have large mammals, as they believed they were better off in the ocean.

 So when the year drew to a close, Ari told his bosses all about him studying and not being able to work anymore. They were both very happy for him and wished him all the best. He had been an exemplary employee in both places, and people had learned to appreciate his work thoroughly.

 Then came Christmas. They all had a big party in his grandpa’s old house and there was no one sad or thoughtful. Everyone smiled and enjoyed the food, the company and the prospects that the future was putting on the table.