It’s very strange when everything is so
familiar but, at the same time, it feels so strange, as if it wasn’t real. Of
course everything is real. I haven’t stepped into another dimension or anything
of the sort. I just stepped into a plane and, because of the time change, it
seems like an eleven-hour flight was only about four hours. I suppose that
means I gained some time but I do no feel very fortunate to have achieved that.
Again, it feels like I’ve cheated somehow but that’s silly, as many people do it
in a day and other lose hours, myself included.
The body is the one that is the most confused.
My mind, I think, can understand the issue but the body, as you know, has a
process of adjustment that takes a bit more time. And it’s not only about the
fact that time was involved in the process, it’s also the change in weather and
surroundings. Things cannot be more different and, at the same time, they are
exactly the same. I know: I don’t really make sense. And, to be honest, I won’t
be trying to make sense for the next few lines because I think it’s not
necessary. Everyone can understand this situation.
One thing that struck me right as I stepped
out of the plane was the cold. I mean, I have lived with this cold for a good
time of my life, but I didn’t seem to remember how peculiar it is. It feels
like something gently pressuring your body from every side, very gently. It’s
certainly not as awful as full-blown winter weather but it had a particularity
that I think most people ignore. Maybe it’s because it can go away pretty fast
if the sun and the clouds help, not that it happens that often. Oh and the
clouds! So many, many thick clouds.
I forgot I wasn’t going to see much of the sky
here. It rains constantly, making the city appear even darker than it is. The
weather in some parts of the world really doesn’t help at all, not the people
living there or the ones visiting. And it always leaves a lasting impression
because it’s the subject people love to talk about. They remember the weather
in one place better than many other things that could happen. It could seem as
if it wasn’t that important but I do think it is crucial to what someone might
think and how a place can be perceived.
Oh, and I’m coughing. But it’s not the weather
here that caused that. Instead, it was the dry cold air in the airplane, which
has been really annoying to me in the recent days. Before this flight, I took
other two less than two weeks ago so it makes sense why my nose cannot seem to
get better at all and why I seem to be in the brink of the flu every day. I
think I’ve been able to push it away for a while but it would be difficult to
do that forever. At one given time, I will have to be sick again and I’m not
looking forward to that at all.
Another funny thing, or maybe not funny but
just curious, is the fact that my bags felt very full but, in the end, they did
not contain anything out of the ordinary. Just clothes, some souvenirs and a
bunch of paper I like to collect in the form of tourist brochures, magazines,
books and others. I don’t really have that many pieces of clothing or anything.
In fact, I had to throw away a few things in order to be able to get it all in
the bags without making them too “overweight” for the airline’s regulations.
I will be able to put everything in its place
in less than thirty minutes, maybe even counting all of that paper I told you I
have. It gets a bit ridiculous when you’re able to put every single piece of
your life in two bags and then move them from one continent to the other. It
really makes you think about the print your putting into this world and how
important it might really be. It makes you think about your life, your
achievements, everything. It can certainly be kind of overwhelming, when you’re
playing close attention.
But I did it without paying attention and I
think it was for the best. It’s not useful to confront everything in your life
in one go. It is much better if you just deal with one thing at a time. That
guarantees that you can achieve better conclusions, instead of suffering
because of everything that you might “find out” about yourself. I guess it
really depends on how much you know and accept yourself. It may be even
possible that you don’t have to face any demons because you don’t have any. No
one knows how fast people confront their fears and anxieties.
Sorry, I feel I veered in the wrong direction
with that last paragraph. I guess it’s because change is always so hard on
people, no matter who you are. Change takes a toll in the heart and the soul
but not always in a bad way. It’s just one of those things you have to deal
with and I’ve done it before so I know what I’m talking about. It can be very
challenging to get from point A to point B, sometimes even impossible for some.
But for others, like me in this very moment, it is not a matter of wanting but
rather a matter of having to.
There are clothes on the floor and objects
beneath the bed. The bags are there, gently asking to be liberated from all my
things and even my cellphone is asking to work in an environment different to
the one he was in. Even inanimate objects seem to realize that things have
changed. Or maybe that’s just me, imagining things to make everything a little
bit easier. Who knows? Or… who cares, to be honest? I think I’m allowed to
think and care about many different things right now, especially as I get used
to the altitude, which can take a while.
Page three and I think I have nothing more to
say. It feels weird that even my fingers seem to weigh more here. My body in
general feels heavier for some reason. Is that even normal? I hope it is
because it’s certainly no fun at all. I expect my head to hurt a little bit in
the next few days and my eyes to adjust to the light, because even that it’s
slightly different. People never think about things like that and the fact is
that they really affect your life without you even noticing.
I have some reordering to do, some things to
throw away and some others to fit in their new spots. I think that may happen
in the next week or two because everything will feel strange for a while now,
even people’s accent, as well as their way of doing things. I now it sounds
silly but people are only equal before the law. In all other cases people are
extremely different in ways that most people never even think about. I like
that but at the same time I know how difficult it can be to adjust. Time will
tell I guess. Isn’t that funny?
I forget to say that I feel different anyways.
I mean, I’m no exactly the same person that left a year ago. It may seem like I
am, and probably not that many things have changed, but I do feel I have made
important changes in how I perceive the world around me. It has been in my best
interest and I frankly don’t think all those changes will be annulled being in
here. If anything, they will all be but to the test again and that’s what life
is all about so I don’t fear any of that. Challenge is a natural process and I,
for one welcome it.
I will have to make adjustments, of course.
Pretending nothing has changed is a stupid way to face life. The best thing is
to find out what’s the best new way to do the things you have and like to do
and then it all becomes clearer and life just transforms into a good path to
walk on. And that’s what I really want to happen. I want a path to follow; I want
my steps to be safe and not to stumble down from one side to the other. I want
to have security and also I want to be certain that life can find it’s way to
me and me to it. Does that make sense?
Probably not. I think that many of the things
I wrote here, this morning, don’t make any sense at all. But that doesn’t really
matter. I can blame the cold or the bed or maybe even my body. Hell, I can even
blame my brain for being robbed of many hours! The truth is change has happened
and it would be, at the very least, interesting to know what happens next. So
many things are lurking around in life, waiting to be found or to jump on top
of you. Let’s just breathe a little bit and take it slowly, trying to avoid
pain and just having the best time possible.
