Thomas had gotten used to working out almost
every waking hour of the day. He would wake up very early in the morning,
sometimes at five in the morning, in order to get dressed up fast, hop onto his
wheelchair and then drive directly to the gym. He would help the owner open up
shop and then he would spent the whole day in there, resting only once to have
lunch in the gym’s cafeteria and sometimes to drink some water and other drinks
he ingested in order to have proper level of vitamins and all of those.
He had been invested in growing his strength
since he had came back from his service overseas. He had lost one leg and had
been in treatment for his other one for a long time. Actually, the only times
he spent out of the gym or his house would be spent in the hospital, in his
treatment. He would have some physical therapy and then receive several shots
that would help his body deal with all the scars and, especially, with the
psychological consequences of everything that had happened in the desert.
In his team, he hadn’t been a leader or
someone too important. He was just one of the guys, trying to realize the
mission that had been entrusted to them. They had to patrol small towns and
suburbs looking for terrorists, for people attempting to use their dwindling
power to hurt a bunch of invaders. He had told those exact words to his
psychiatrist, telling her that he understood how damaging their existence there
was but that he was younger somehow, even when it had happened only a few
months before.
Thomas was a bit resentful of the full thing,
having no intention of going back or of wanting to contact the other guys that
had participated in the war with him. Even watching pictures he had taken there
was awful, hurting his head and his insides. He even burned some of them, but
his wife prevented him from doing it with the whole lot. She hid everything in
a box, far from his reach in order to preserver things she thought he would
need in the future. She thought she knew what was best for him.
But
in reality, she had no idea. What he wanted was to build himself up again, to
be strong and fit in order for the world not to be able to destroy him. When
his foot blew up, he felt he was made of clay or something like that. He felt
like something and not someone, like one little piece in a large game that
didn’t care about people like him. And he didn’t want to be just that, he had
grown fed up of the whole soldier life, only entering it because he needed the
money they paid to help his family out. But he had other dreams, before all of
that. Not anymore though.
Everyone person that went to that gym had
grown to know Thomas in one-way or the other. They all knew he was the guy
without one foot but also as the guy that could spend almost two hours in the
same weight station. It was amazing to see him sweat but not care too much
about it, going on and on. Many asked him for advice and he would give it to
them but he was always clear about not letting them getting too close. He
didn’t want any friends or anything of the sort. He didn’t want to compromise
at all.
That’s why his relationship with his wife had
grown sour and stale. They didn’t have sex anymore and she claimed it wasn’t
because of his accident but he felt that wasn’t the case. However, he was
honest with himself and he knew he had relinquished any need for sexual
relationships. He had no interest in
them, even if his penis proved to be working still. His doctors had assured him
he could have children if he wanted to, but the truth was that he had no intention
to have any kids.
He wasn’t interested in living the life they
had always wanted for him. His family, his wife, his friends in his soldier
team and everyone else thought that knew what he needed in his life, what he
had to and how he had to do it. And he had done exactly that for a long time,
accepting the life he had been almost forced to live. But now he felt free
somehow, he felt that by losing a part of himself, he had allowed real freedom
to enter his life. It finally felt like he had a reason to live and not just go
by.
One day, his wife finally exploded in a fit of
rage. She broke some plates and threw the box filled with his pictures and
medals to his face. She yelled and demanded some action from him, something to
tell her he was still the same man she had married. But the truth was that he
wasn’t and he told her exactly that. He also said that he would be picking up
his things and that he would be happy to sign any papers she wanted him to
sign. He wheeled himself out of the house and then left for the gym.
That night, he went back home to find it
empty. She had probably left for her mother’s house or something. He stood up
from the chair and decided right then and there that he didn’t need it anymore.
He would get some crutches and then a prosthesis for his disappeared foot. He
didn’t wanted to stay as a cripple, he needed to take the freedom he had been
granted and use it to make whatever he wanted in life with it. He put all of his
things on a few boxes, carried them to the car and then drove right into a
motel to sleep for the night. It was the best night sleep he had in a long
time.
A few weeks later, he signed the papers his
former wife’s lawyer had for him in his office. He was using the crutches then
and had already sign up to get a prosthetic foot. It was going to cost a lot
but him being a retiree from the army would get him some kind of discount. He
was happy that day, celebrating the whole thing with one of his only friends,
the owner of the gym. He was already thinking of getting a job, when his friend
told him he would be welcome to work as a trainer in the gym. Thomas accepted
in a heartbeat.
He eventually got a nice little house, he was
enjoying himself a lot at work and was even open to having new friends and
maybe even a romantic relationship. He had built his body to be the one he
wanted and now he was doing all he could to be the guy he had always wanted to
be as desires and wishes go. He was finally himself and that made him smile
from time to time, especially at those times he was alone and he remembered
everything that had happened in his life and how much could still happen.
Thomas was eager for more.
