Today I am sick. Today I feel awful and my
environment is not helping at all. The guys I live with only know how to be
gross and loud and that has always annoyed me. I mean, what has always annoyed
me has been the fact that people are so oblivious of what they do and not do.
People are sometimes disgusting but they don’t even realize it and me, as a
person who claims to be clean and neat in general, I really don’t like it.
Every single day those conversations in
Arabic. Every fucking day. I don’t care where people are from; I couldn’t care
less to be honest. But destiny had to put a person that talks in one of the
most aggressive languages in the world just a window away from me. And,
apparently, he speaks to every member of his family every single day of the
year. That’s nice but couldn’t he do it in a lower volume and just type once in
a while?
Of course, people don’t have to live by what I
feel or think but sometimes I know I’m right and I don’t need to test my
theories because I simply know how to be a decent person. Other people are used
to screaming, yelling whatever it is they want to communicate. I don’t. The
only time I yell is when I’m desperate and I always do it with people I feel I
know, not with a bunch of people I don’t really know nothing about.
The same thing happens when I have to hear
that same guy masturbate or do I don’t really know what. He’s apparently
oblivious to the fact that he is really loud and that he has his window open
every fucking day at every hour. The climate now is colder than some months
ago. What is he thinking?
I am sick but as in ill. My head hurts a lot,
as if my brain had detached from the cranium and now it just moves around in
there. My jaw also seems to pulsate with pain, my cheekbones and my throat.
Passing saliva hurts a lot and I just want this to go away.
I know this is my fault, I made it happen. I
was silly enough to sleep one night with no socks or a t-shirt and that is
suicide when temperatures can get very low at night. I assume all responsibility
for getting this virus but I want to get rid of it too, I want to make it go
away and feel good again. I hate to be sick and feel defenseless and confused.
It hurts even more because I’m alone. There’s
no one here to help, there’s no one who can even care about how I feel. I don’t
have the things I need close to me because I am always distracted and never
focused on what I should be focused. I miss them now, as I miss them very
single day of my life. I miss my bed.
Damn
it… My belly hurts now and I don’t even remember what I ate yesterday. Nothing
“dangerous”, that I now off. But it hurts a lot and also does my back and my
chest and, again, my throat. I think I just want to lay here in my bed for the
rest of the day but I have a problem with that and it is the fact that I need
to get out and by some medicine so this can go away quicker.
Sadly, I don’t live in a normal place when
pharmacies have delivery to your home or even online service. No, apparently
the XXIst century hasn’t reached this so-called “first world country”. Which,
in many aspects, it’s a shame.
Again,
loud noises. Again, doors are being slammed and steps been walked with those
shoes that looked donated from a war. Yes, I am the kind of person that just
people for how they look in general. Call me an awful human being then and move
along.
It hurts too much and I have no idea why I
decided to write something today. Maybe it’s guilt that I didn’t write last
Sunday or maybe it’s because I feel I need to prove myself to people I don’t
even know every single day of the year. But not today, not anymore.
I don’t feel good so let’s leave it here, half
the normal size. We will see each other tomorrow, I hope.
