It started only a few years
ago. I was about to turn seventeen years old but my body and my mind were years
beyond that. From the moment puberty hit me, I had a very pronounced urge to
explore every part of my body and my sexuality. Of course, I was too young at
first so I did all of that exploring by myself. It was a great moment for me,
because I discovered that I could learn who I was and what I liked in the
privacy of my own room. Masturbation became something that made or broke my
day.
I wouldn’t say I got obsessed
with it, I just thought it was fun to do it and try different things, with oils
and stuff like that. From that young age, around twelve years old, I started
watching porn on my parent’s laptop. It was our first computer and not even my
parents knew a lot about the Internet or how to use it, so it took them a while
to discover what I did with it. But when they did, they sent me straight to a
shrink. That’s the type of parents my parents are, very nervous and prone to
freaking out for nothing.
The expert told them it was
normal for a boy my age to explore his sexuality, but as most adults and people
in general; they refused to believe I had any idea of what I liked at that age.
They thought I was basically going insane because of bad influences around me.
They forbid me to play more videogames, as well as watching any TV. I also was
forced to interact more with people in school, only because I had few friends
and none of them really ever had any kind of relationship outside of school.
Weirdly enough, it was not long
after that, between the shrink and my paranoid parents, that I met this new kid
at school. We were a little bit older and hit it off right away. I had been
forced to enter a sports team, so I was playing football with other guys, but I
never really played. They all knew I hated being there so they left me be. But
this new kid really loved to play but he also like talking to me when he was
waiting for his turn to chase after the ball. He was very kind and funny and I
liked that he didn’t pretended to be an adult.
That year and the next one, we
spent them together. I stopped that football nonsense but we stayed great
friends. So much so that we went out for ice cream together, we would go to the
movies and he would even come home and talk to my parents for very brief
periods of time. And they loved him, even if I had left the team and I didn’t
really have any other friends. They thought everything with me had gone back to
normal and they were very eager to see the next step in my growth, the moment
were I would decide my profession and go on to college to meet the woman of my
life.
Well, as I knew it would happen,
I disappointed my parent’s big time. First of all, I kept masturbating and
watching porn. I just got smarter than them, so they couldn’t catch me. Second,
my friend Caleb (the new kid at school) had been one of the main influences in
how to channel all of that that I had in my head and just all over my soul.
Because I really thought it was part of me. We would steal porno magazines and
we would always check out the ones with men first, because he knew very well
that’s what I liked.
He got a girlfriend when we turned sixteen, a girl named Debra who was
cool and all but I just didn’t find interesting. He told me he had sex with her
several times but I never truly believed that. Not only because she looked too
much like a prude, but because everything he said had a bit of exaggeration to
it and it was very easy to notice. Anyway, I didn’t care at all because Caleb
was a good friend to me, he didn’t judge or anything and we would have long and
stimulating conversations about things we actually liked.
It was just a couple of years
before graduating that he came to me all excited. He had come home with his
laptop and showed me a page where they announced the search for new actors in
the area. It was not precisely for a period drama, but for porn involving
younger actors and older actors. I was confused at first, but Caleb was very
much excited, telling me it would be a great and fun thing to do, to just try
out for a porn film and be able to tell that experience later, even if I didn’t
get chosen.
I wasn’t as excited as him when I
saw it. Yeah, I spoke a lot about sex and bodies and all of that but that
didn’t mean I actually knew how to do any of that. Caleb knew very well I was a
virgin, but he seemed to have forgotten all about that. The other thing was
that I had no self-esteem, at all. At that was something we didn’t really
discuss because it’s not something very easy to talk to with friends. He was
the guy I liked to hang out with to have fun, not to speak about things that
made me feel like shit.
But there was one detail that
actually made him stop smiling at once and the webpage was clear about it: the
actors had to be at least eighteen years old. They even stated that they would
ask for ID before anyone would be able to do an audition. So Caleb’s enthusiasm
fell to the floor because we were not even seventeen. He could have passed for
older, because he already had some facial hair and he was very tall, but I
still looked like a kid and had nothing going on for me to make people think
that I eighteen years old. There was no way I could pass for someone older.
But then, Caleb smiled again,
grabbed his laptop and ran out of my room, only yelling he would see me in
school after the weekend. There were some weekends we would hang out, but he
knew I had to visit my grandparents and that always took way longer that it
should, so we just hoped to see each other again the next Monday. During those
two days, I did wonder about what idea had passed through his head after I had
pointed out the age thing, but it was sometimes better not to dwell too much on
things like that.
I really liked how impulsive he
was and how much of a good friend he was. He really didn’t care at all about me
being gay and we even did that promise that if we hadn’t married anyone by the
time we would be forty, we would marry each other. It was a silly thing to do but nice anyway.
We mocked my shrink and my parents together and how he would always do whatever
he wanted whenever he wanted because his parents were hippie vegans or
something like that. It was just a very entertaining relationship.
On Monday, he arrived at school
with two fake ID’s. He told me he had grabbed my picture from Facebook, because
he thought I looked a bit older in one of them. He had done the same with his
and then he had gone to a cousin of his that knew very well how to make fake
ID’s. I didn’t even ask anything else because the cards did look authentic,
with the proper seals and everything. I asked if he needed any money and he
just assured me that his cousin owed him too much to be asking for any money.
That Saturday, we went out late
and told our parents we were going to see a movie. Instead, we went to this gay
neighborhood were the auditions would take place. Funny enough, the guy didn’t
say a word when he gave him the ID’s. He just gave us a number and told us to
wait. That night, we only got checked out by three guys. I was one of the few
men there that got selected to actually have an audition. It would take place right then and there,
only a few hours later. I was excited but really nervous.
Anyway, that’s how it all got
started. I have been working in this industry for six years now and, although
it was very difficult at the start, I was able to pull through even after
people in my first productions learned that I wasn’t as old as I had said I was
at first. I was fired and hired in a matter of days.
As for Caleb, he was just there
to support me. He and his girlfriend stayed together even after our prom. Then,
he realized that he wasn’t really into her and moved on to guys. He says he’s
pansexual or something but the only thing I care about is that a very good
friend has my back.
