This time, I really thought I was living my
dream. Everything looked so real, the people and their concerns. They didn’t
seem to be following whatever I wanted them to do; they actually seemed to be
doing what they wanted. The places looked so authentic, real and well crafted.
I have no idea how my brain created that place I was in just some minutes ago
but I think I wouldn’t mind going back some day. The difficult thing is that I
have to be really tired and not being able to sleep a lot in order to go so
deep into my dreams.
Waking up gets so much harder like that… I
would love to be able to choose everything inside a dream. Not only who appears
and how, but also the setting and the story and, of course, the length of it
all. They are some delicious dreams that make you believe you are on top of the
world and, often, they only last a few minutes or at least feel like it. I
would love to be able to choose everything because dreams are the best doors to
access when the eyes are getting closed and resting is the prime objective of
the evening. I love when it happens.
Thankfully, I haven’t had a bad dream in a
very long time. I actually don’t remember when that happened and I think it’s
better if I don’t try to recall that event. Nightmares are awful and populated
by the most disgusting creatures our mind could ever control. Nightmares are
chaotic and that feeling of not being able to get hold of anything is the one
that really makes us wake up sweating or screaming. Is not what actually
happens, which we know is false, but rather the sense that we are not safe
anywhere, even inside our heads.
But yeah, nightmares have been off the table
for a while or at least the ones that are openly awful. I have had dreams that
are strange and difficult to understand. Even there, in the middle of the
dream, I know that nothing is real but at the same time I know that there’s
nothing that makes sense and that makes it worse somehow. Knowing that you are
dreaming makes everything a little bit more real, for the better or for worse.
But I think I prefer it most of the time, it kind of gives me the idea that I
am a little bit more in control.
Right now, my body hurts a little bit but
that’s because I didn’t slept a right amount of time. I push myself to do
things no one is asking me to do and they have this negative effects on me.
Feeling like crap when I wake up is nothing really knew for me but it’s even
harder and more painful when I push too hard and when there’s a dream involved.
I feel I slept during a movie and now I will never know the end because it was
a one time in my life kind of thing.
What I like about dreams is that, if your head
is up to it, anything can happen. You might have one of those dreams in which
you fall and fall and fall through a various array of holes but you could also
meet someone you haven’t seen for many years. I think the brain creates
whatever is better for us at that moment: if we need a hug, it will create
someone that can give it to us. If we want to feel smart, our brain will go
back to a moment we felt exceedingly brilliant. Of course, things can be a lot
more complex than that. Just like in real life.
I believe that in every single dream, you have
the capacity to intervene and make it yours. Many people thing they are passive
subjects when they dream, having to go through some determined events in order
to get to the final part of the dream where you may have some kind of
revelation or maybe just wake up thinking nothing at all. I do think you can
use your mind to affect the outcome of any dream and I even think you can
decide when it should end, all of this in the right sleeping conditions, as
they are not all ideal.
For me, dreams are the base of what I try to
do. I have been creating things out of them for a long time and if it wasn’t for
that subconscious part of my brain, I wouldn’t have as many ideas as I have.
I’m not saying that they are all amazing ideas that have to go somewhere but I
do like that my brain keeps creating, even if just changing a little bit of
some ideas that I have had before or even twisting stories that I have read or
heard about. I have to admit that I am probably not one hundred percent
original at all times. It would be very hard.
What I don’t like about waking up from a not
satisfying night of sleeping is that, for the rest of the day, I feel like
there’s something missing and I’m right. Because what I miss is rest and what I
have is an unfulfilling dream and there is nothing in the world that can make
that feeling go away. That feeling of being tired and not fulfilled by
anything. In those cases, dreaming come too close to actual living and, I have
to say, I don’t care about that one bit. If dreams become as heavy as life,
then the magic is lifted and everything goes to dust.
I already have a real life and, although it’s
fun when dreams imitate life, I know how to tell apart the imitation from the
actual thing. If they both become the same thing, a very essential way to cope
disappears into the world. It’s scary to think that we might, one day, not be
able to dream again. Some people actively try to eliminate that experience from
the nights because they think it makes them feel weak, because it scares them.
They don’t want to face themselves and they hide behind any possibility in
order not to do it.
I think it makes us very human, although it
also makes us a little bit paranoid from time to time but I do not think that’s
always something wrong. I think it’s great when there’s something in life that
can shake us so much. And who better to do that than ourselves. We are the ones
creating those dreams after all and we cannot be afraid of our own selves. It
is simply ridiculous to hide away from who we really are, whoever that person
might be. People have to stop living in fear and embrace whatever character may
lurk in the darkness.
Of course, the word “darkness” doesn’t mean
that everything buried deep inside us has to be bad or anything. There can be
very good things in the dark too but we will never find out if we don’t dare to
take a look. And the perfect place to do it is in a dream, where nothing can
really hurt us. We have to learn to be scared and to cry and even to scream. We
have to accept that some parts of life are more difficult than others. We have
to learn how to look at ourselves in the mirror, without any fear but with our
eyes wide open.
All of this sounds so weird, so insane. But
anyone that has ever dreamed can easily understand what I’m saying. It is a
world of wonder but also a place where we can learn so much about who we really
are. We don’t find out about that going to the other end of the world but just
hearing and watching what our brain is telling us, all those things buried
below the surface of our own personalities. Everything that we area is there,
waiting to be able to surface or at least the be represented in some capacity
in the real world.
We all have bad thing and good things. No one
is saying that we are going to like every single thing about our personality
that we find deep inside our subconscious. But we have to acknowledge its
existence in order to be able to handle it correctly. If life gives us the
possibility of learning more and maybe improve in some areas of our lives, I
think the smart choice is to take that chance and exploit it as much as we can.
Knowledge has never really been a curse, only for the ignorant and the ones
that live in fear but not for the brave.
And brave we shall be. Yes, even when we go to
bed and close our eyes or when we open them and realize we are in a brand new
day. No matter where we are sleeping or who is next to us. We have to be brave
in order to accept who we are and dreams are made of us. Their fabric is our
life and our thoughts, so we have to learn to embrace it in order to have a
stable mind and heart. No one says dreaming is easy, it never is. But it’s the
first step to greater things.
