Morning after

   He woke up hugging his pillow and naked. He had no memory of when and why he had removed all of his clothes but a glance to the floor next to the bed proved it was all there, all over the place. Unfortunately, there was also a smell that hit him hard and fast and which he was not preferred for. He was too tired and dizzy to get up from the bed and grab everything and put it in a bag. But he had too because the smell was too powerful and he couldn’t rest in peace with vomit all over the place. Because that’s what the smell was.

 He did what he had to do as fast as he could and went back to bed. He didn’t put on underwear or even a t-shirt to counter the cold morning. He simply covered himself with the thick bedspread and closed his eyes, ready to sleep for a couple more hours. But he couldn’t. He turned around in bed, tried hugging the pillow, tried sleeping on the side, on his back or his chest, but none of the positions worked. He just couldn’t fall asleep and he found frustrating because he did feel tired.

 Apparently when arriving that morning, he had had the time to pull down the blinds on his window and that’s why it the place look nice and dark but according to his alarm clock it was almost one in the afternoon. He had no idea at what time he had arrived but he knew he wasn’t going to sleep anymore. And that frustrated him. Anyway, he stayed there and just closed his eyes, listening to the sounds of the city.

 Suddenly, he heard the vibrating noise of his cellphone but the device was not on his night table. It wasn’t on the floor either and he hadn’t felt it in any of the clothes he had put on a bag to wash later. For a moment there, he thought he was imagining things and that the sound was only in his head. After all, he had a lot too drink and his body was still processing it all so maybe he was just hearing things that weren’t there. He closed his eyes, again, changed the position of his legs and tried to relax.

 But the sound came back. That humming sound felt near but it wasn’t in any of the obvious places, unless he had left it in the bathroom. But he didn’t remembered having been there after he arrived. So he stood up and went to the bathroom and didn’t find anything. Taking advantage of having stood up, he decided to pee and it was there when he realized where the cellphone was.

 When he finished in the bathroom he opened the door of his room, which was unusually closed, and found his boots lying there and his cellphone inside one of them. He couldn’t explain how he knew the device was there but the important thing was that he had found out and that he could happily return to his bed.

 There, he found out it had been a friend who had been calling, causing the cellphone to vibrate. She had called four times and had sent two messages asking if he was all right. He tried to remember if he knew why she was so worried but didn’t really know, although the most likely thing was that he had left the party without telling anyone and as drunk as he was she had been worried for him. He did kind of remember wandering around the streets, feeling the piercing cold of the morning and not even knowing exactly which bus he had to be taking to go back home. He finally got into one and probably fell asleep in it but woke up just a few blocks away from his usual stop.

 He decided to write a short message to his friend and let her know he was a bit confused and still dizzy but alive and well in his bed. She responded at once, telling him she had not been lucky enough to rest all day because she had a wedding to go and had to prepare for it. She was actually really late, even if the event was going to be place late that night. She told her friend to let her now the next time he decided to leave drunk from a party and he told her that if his brain worked that next time, she would get her warning.

 The man left his cellphone on the nightstand and just stayed there. He looked up to the ceiling but he was actually thinking about the party: he had been invited because the people that had organized it knew his friend but he had no real knowledge of anyone there. That’s why, from the moment he arrived to the moment he left, he started gulping down glass after glass of alcohol: wine, rum, vodka and so on. The cocktail he was making in his belly was more dangerous than any of the actual cocktails that were made for people in clubs and pubs.

 No one even looked at him all night, not to say “Hi” or to fake and interest and ask something. And to be honest, he happened to dislike most of the people more and more as the night went on and the alcohol dissolved in his body. They all seemed so pretentious, so full of shit to be honest, that he didn’t even want to be having a fake conversation with them, he though that would be even more excruciating that the embarrassment he felt when someone entered the bathroom when he was vomiting. But he never saw the face of the person, so he couldn’t care much.

 He left the party because, as always, he felt like the odd one out, like the different one even when he knew for a fact that he wasn’t different or special or anything like that. He didn’t have any tragedy in his life, he was suffering from anything like a disease or something and he was alive and well and living. He couldn’t really complain about anything but he left that party because he couldn’t take it anymore.

 It may have been the alcohol but he was sure that even sober he would have been bored even faster that he had been. Because he couldn’t try to join any of the conversations as people looked at him in bad way when he tried to enter one: he would just stand there and listen and try to elaborate some opinion on what they were talking about and then realize that some of the people looked at him as if he was something horrible standing there or, worse, as if he had no right to be there.

 He hated parties and going out and all that shit because of that, because every single time he did it he felt judged by one or many, he felt judged because he never had enough money to spend, he felt judged because he was in silence for long periods of time, he felt judged when he finally gave his opinion and people found it to be wrong somehow and it was very tiring. He realized that he gulped down alcohol when it was free and he could do it because it created a barrier that protected him from everyone being assholes and it kind of worked.

 But he knew he couldn’t do that always. He couldn’t just hide behind glasses and glasses of vodka because he wasn’t really that person, he wasn’t a drunkard because he loved alcohol, and he was one only when he felt the need to escape. And when he didn’t have any money he just left the places where he was because pressure proved to be too heavy sometimes. No one ever tried to stop him or anything but he did dream about that, he wanted someone some day to be finally interested by him, even if there was nothing to say.

 It was his belief that everyone wants that in life, everyone wants to feel interesting and wants someone to be there and be all amazed and dazzled by your life, even if there’s nothing that’s amazing or marvelous or interesting in it. He knew that he wanted that. Even more, he needed that person urgently but whoever he was, because it had to be a he, wasn’t here and with some many people in the world and his way of being and so on, he knew it would be different.

 He was clear too that he wouldn’t change his way of being, his personality, because that would be just compliance and trying to change to make others feel nice and he didn’t wanted to be one of those people. He wanted someone to be happy with the actual him and not with some clever invention that made everyone more comfortable. He actually pitied people that went through physical and personality changes just to please, he thought of them as pathetic little people that lacked the balls it needed to go through life, even when he also felt very weak most of the time.

 He decided to turn around, lay in his belly and just sleep a bit more. He finally felt he could close his eyes and go to a land that was only his and maybe there he would find that person he needed. Maybe they would hold hands and talk or just share a moment together. Then, when time would come to open his eyes, he would just promise to wait patiently until the day they would actually meet.

More than love

   Crabs invaded the beach. They were many, turning the shore into a large red stain. It was strange, but they seemed to stop just before entering the water, as if they knew there were dangers beyond the foam line of the waves. Anyway, they walked in and swam into the bottom of the bay without much further hesitation. Every single one of those animals did the same thing as they stepped out of their homes in the inner side of the island, after having eaten all they could there. It was a sight to be seen and two humans were actually looking at it.

 Behind some bushes, Christina and Neil were observing with fascination the event. They were just there for their holidays but had wanted to see the mass entry of the crabs into the oceans, as many biologists said it was one of the most beautiful events in nature. They were biologists themselves but worked mostly in labs so they didn’t have the chance to see much of the animal’s natural behavior.

 Christina was the first one to stand up when it was all done, when every single one of the crabs had gone into the water. The beach was now deserted; only some leaves and branches soiling its pristine white color. She helped her husband up and took his hand as they walked in silence along the beach. The waves brought a nice unique sound to the scene that included a sunset and a nice afternoon breeze.

 They stopped walking near the middle of the sand strip and sat down on the sand. The couple saw each other’s eyes and kissed, then hugged watching the sun disappearing on the horizon. They were happy to be there, finally resting and building a relationship that had always been put on hold because of their work.

 On one hand, Christina worked in a cosmetics lab creating new lipsticks based on animals and plant life. Of course, she was against the killing of animals, so the company had agreed they would only buy the ones that were already going to be used for other purposes, such as fish. They used the scales and bones for the lab but the meat was packed and put into freezers for people to boy them in supermarkets.

 Christina was not thrilled with her job. Her dream, ever since she was a little girl, had been to work in a zoo and care for many types of animals there. But after several interviews, trips and trials, she had not been selected in any zoo, no matter how small or wealthy. She just wasn’t needed anywhere until she found this cosmetic company and decided to work there for the money. They had recently stopped makeup trials with animals and she was happy about it as she had always been an advocate of animals rights.

 Funny enough, that was the way she met Neil. He was a veterinarian in a small town and had come to the city for one of the many rallies that were held in order to get the government to make laws punishing openly acts of violence against animals, including many events that were considered “tradition” by many. The first time Christina saw him, she honestly didn’t think much of him. She always said it was because she was very focused on the rally but Neil thought it was because she just didn’t like him right away.

 In a meeting for another rally, they were seated one next to the other and started talking casually about their pets. Being a veterinarian, Neil owned a farm and had lots of animals, inherited to him by his father who had recently passed away. Christina thought that was amazing, as she has always wanted to be around lots of different animals. She told him about her dream of becoming a zookeeper but how it was such a pointless fantasy for her, as she was never deemed “zoo material”.

 Neil laughed at this and told her that he had always wanted to be a marine biologist but that his father really wanted someone to keep the farm going and he was his only son. For some reason, his parents had never wanted to have more children and now the responsibility of the farm had just been passed onto him. His dream of becoming a marine biologist died quickly but, seeing Christina’s face, he said he had fallen in love with life at the farm and with the animals and people he interacted with.

 That day, they exchanged numbers and texted each other constantly. They didn’t date or anything. They just chatted about their passion for life and whatever was happening on their lives. This way of doing things lasted for one whole year. She always mentioned Neil to her friends but they didn’t believe he existed and the same happened with Neil. Many people that knew him thought he had invented Christina because he didn’t have any romantic prospects around him, even if many girls came up to him and asked him for a date or a kiss.

 Their texting relationship was cut short when Neil announced he had been granted a scholarship to go and study in China. They had a very interesting program where he could learn a lot to keep helping farmers so he had decided to go. Christina was very sad by this but he assured her they would continue to text and so on, and it was true. One of the first things he did when arriving in Beijing, was getting a new phone and a data plan to chat with Christina every day.

 One more year passed during which they both dated other people. Neil met Li Fa, a beautiful young woman that worked with horses in a farm owned by the university where he was studying. They dated and had a strong romantic and sexual relationship over the course of many months, practically until the day he had to come back home. Li Fa assured Neil that she really liked him but that she understood he had to go back and that, in any case, she would always be there for him. They stayed friends for the rest of their lives.

 Christina dated two men, both very different guys in every single aspect of their being. Mark, the first one, was the gym kind. He loved himself a lot, which was good until it became annoying. Christina thought the relationship would only be about sex but, who would’ve known, the guy was a romantic and the few times he wasn’t training (God knows what for) or looking at himself in the mirror, he would buy her beautiful flowers, and cards and chocolates of every flavor.

 To be honest, Christina never knew what he did for a living and she didn’t care much about it. Things ended because he wanted much more from her that she could give and she was a very career oriented woman. Having a boyfriend or anything like that was extremely high maintenance at the moment and she wasn’t into that.

 The second one was Joe. Despite his name, he was a skinny guy whom she met on a cosmetics conference she had been sent to. They hit it off and dated for a couple months until she decided to end it. Not only it was becoming annoying that he only spoke about work, which he loved to do very often, but also she had noticed that he wasn’t as interested in her as he pretended to be. At the end, she just told him to get real and be who he was. Months later, she saw him kissing another guy on a street. Good for him.

 When Neil came back, he decided to visit Christina and they had the best weekend to very good friends could have: they ate a lot, they went to a party, drank a lot of alcohol, then spoke about every single subject they could think of and, most importantly, they made each other laugh constantly. It was obvious for them something had awoken at the moment. Neil went back to his farm and Christina to her work, but what had begun had no way to stop. He would come back to the city every weekend to visit her and in a few months he asked her to marry him. She didn’t even say the word; she just kissed and hugged him.

 The holiday in Hawaii was meant to celebrate their first year together and it was a success. They had walked together on a volcano slope; they had swum with the marine life and where now looking at the most beautiful sunset any of them had seen. They held hands watching the orange sun casting the last shadows of the day on their faces. When it was gone, they decided to go back to the hotel and just spent time there, talking, as they loved to do and eating to because they were both food lovers.

 Christina and Neil were just in love, as people say. But they felt it was a lot more than just that. They felt connected, like actual partners in life and not just linked by romance or sex. They loved the term “twin souls” as it was not something uniquely romantic, also deeply social and emotional.  But no matter how people called it, they sure liked it a lot.