Crumbling

   My head was spinning as I cleaned my mouth. I had emptied my bowels on the floor, completely. I didn’t feel relieved at all. There had been no food in my stomach, no liquid except some blood because of the punches he had given me in the stomach. I was still holding the pipe I had used to smash his head. However, I had used it way more than I should have and that’s why I had to relieve myself just there. I tried not looking at his body but it was impossible not to do so. It was too bad not to look at him.

 I looked around me suddenly realizing that I was there alone. Luckily, the power station in ruins near the ocean had been a perfect place for him to drag me into. He had been brutal and I think that’s why I did what I did. So I stopped thinking about it and just dragged his body closer to the ocean. I knew bodies would often float to the surface and people would come asking questions. So I just left him there, by the water, to let nature do what she had to do, no matter what it was.

 I washed myself in the water and then stepped out of the ruins, leaving him there. I had to walk down the road, back to the nearest place where I could get a ride back to the city. I had to pretend I was happy, being some sort of crazy college guy that had way too much alcohol the last night. I had to make jokes to the nice young lady that took me back to town and I had to ask her to leave near a university not too far from my home. She was nice with me and I would always remember her kindness.

 When I entered my apartment, I had to use the key on the plant next to the door, where I had always hidden a copy. When I opened, my cat almost jumped on top of me, meowing loudly, calling my attention and also demanding that I fed him right that instant. After all, he had been alone for a whole day or maybe two. The truth was that I didn’t really know what day it was, as I had lost my cellphone when the man had kidnapped me and taken me to the ruins. I fed my cat first and then took a long shower.

 I wanted to feel clean but I couldn’t really do anything to remove the whole stench from my skin. Not only he had been a beast to me, inflicting even more damage than what was visible, but I also bleeding and hurting inside and in my brain. My cat stood by the door, as if he was watching over me and, somehow, that made me cry. I cried so much right under the water, so much so that I felt drowned for a moment. I stepped out some time later, to watch myself in the mirror and face what I had done. I had killed someone, in my own defense anyway, but I had done it nevertheless.

 After coming out of the shower, I pulled out a suitcase from a closet and then started putting my favorite clothes in there. When I had the suitcase filled up, I called my parents and told them I had been invited by a friend to visit him abroad. I asked them for money for the plane ticket and they were kind enough to give it to me. It wasn’t that they had money to give away but they had been putting away some money for me, in case I wanted to study something more in life or put up a business or something.

 The plane ticket was not so expensive, though. So it was easy on their pockets. I bought it right then, with my savings, and I would use my parents’ money for the trip that would become a permanent thing. I also asked my mom to come for my cat, because I would not be able to travel with him. I think I kissed that silly animal like a hundred times and hugged him to the point he scratched in the face. He’s crazy like that but I do love him and I knew I was going to miss him a lot. I left him there, all alone.

 My plane would be leaving the country in just a few hours. I arrived just in time, running from one checkpoint to the other in order to make it to the boarding gate. Once inside, I felt a little bit at ease, writing on my cellphone one last message to my mother. I told her I would be leaving for a week or more and that I would tell her anything new when it happened. I hung up and then started watching the sky and the clouds through the window, as the plane began moving on the tarmac, on to the sky.

 I fell asleep fast and when I woke up, the flight attendant was smiling at me, handing me a tray of food. I took it and ate it in a few minutes, discovering how hungry I was. I hadn’t eaten a piece of food in a long time, so I was in need of it. It was at the moment when I stood up to go to the bathroom, when a woman almost screamed at me, when I was reminded that that wasn’t a trip of pleasure but one to run away from everything. I wanted to be far from the place that reminded me of everything that had been done to me or by me.

 She had yelled because of the stain in my pants. I ran to the lavatory and closed the door, because I had felt the liquid blood beneath my thighs. I tried to clean it but the only thing I could achieve was to cry again, trying not to sob too hard. I didn’t want anyone to hear my voice; I didn’t want anyone to know what had happened. All of it was going to haunt me forever that was more than clear to me. I wasn’t going to walk away from all of it and things, all those little things life is made of, would haunt me to my last day. That was more than obvious to me.

 Someone then knocked at the door. I didn’t answer. Another knock and I was getting very nervous. Then, I heard the voice of the captain announcing that we were going to land very soon and that it was important for everyone to get back to their seat, as the descent was going to be bumpy.

 I head the knock again and then a soft voice, the same voice that have given me the food tray, asked me to open the door. I did. She had a pair of man’s pants on her hand and handed them to me. She asked me to be fast, smiling before closing the door.

 That’s another face I will never forget. Hers, the woman that drove me back home and his face. His face…

Naked party

   Everything had become a little too overbearing in the inside, so I made my way outside. There was a large porch kind of thing, where people could have a smoke or just go down to the beach and relax there. Of course, being a naked party, the organizers had been smart enough to put several warnings on the sand for people to avoid the water. Most were drunk and it would have been a grave mistake for any of them to enter the water in that state. There was even a lifeguard on duty, which seemed to be very bored.

 I went around the house, all along the porch, and finally found a spot to be alone and in peace. There was some kind of mannequin offering cigarettes, reminding people to only grab one. You could light it up with a built-in lighter that the doll had on its hand. It was kind of a clever idea and I was in such desperate need to relax that the cigarette was essential for that. I didn’t really smoke that much in my daily life, but this kinds of parties made me resort to that kind of vice in a very predictable way.

 The air was rather warm that night, yet there was a wind blowing from the ocean that felt chilly and gave goose bumps in an instant. I found myself caressing my arms as I smoked and watched some people playing around on the beach and the lifeguard yawning, but still watching them very closely. I could hear the ocean and it could be seen but only because a red lantern, kind of a Chinese thing, had been lit in the middle of the beach, right at the center of the section reserved for people that had come to the party.

 Curiously, I had come because of a flyer I had been given in another beach, the official gay beach very nearby. The truth is, the gay didn’t really wanted me to have the flyer, it was a thing of the wind blowing and him being unable to keep his things in order. He must have felt ashamed when I grabbed the paper and asked what it was about. He explained and just let me have the flyer, obviously dreading the idea of a guy like me going to such an event. I have to say I wanted to laugh at him but I didn’t.

 They were giving the flyers to all hot guys on the beach and it was clear they didn’t consider me one. I wasn’t ripped, with an eight pack and tall as a tree. I didn’t have any of that, even if I had been working out at the gym like a crazy person in order to be looking nice for this holiday. I had planned it for a while, something that I would be doing for myself and by myself, so I really wanted to look as good as possible. I had even bought a speedo type swimwear that made me a little bit uncomfortable. The flyers guys weren’t helping me a lot in that department, but I just went through it.

 My attempted laughter at the flyer guy had been caused by the idea that I found the party they were promoting something silly and the kind of thing I would never participate in. So I just forgot about it until I saw the flyer back in the hotel, after having a shower and preparing to go down and have dinner. I read the whole thing and I have to confess I found it to be very interesting. So much so, that I decided to investigate a little further. I spent the duration of my dinner reading on my cellphone about those kinds of parties.

 The mere idea of being naked around other people made me laugh out of nervousness. I wasn’t able to imagine being in such an event because I had always been too self-conscious about my physical appearance. Even after so many hours of workout and dedication to my body, I was still ashamed to parade without a t-shirt, much less being totally naked. I still had some “love handles” as well as many things that those guys on the beach didn’t have. But somehow, I decided to take it on as a challenge.

 They couldn’t stop me from going and I had decided it was the perfect kind of thing to push myself and just try new things. Maybe it wasn’t going to be my type of party or my kind of people, but that wasn’t the important part. The idea was to experience something different, something that I would have never done back home, being afraid of running into someone or something like that. I had decided to be a little bit more adventurous, in order to accept myself a little bit more, to love myself more in order to live a healthier life.

So, silly me, I looked all over my luggage for the best clothes to wear. I knew it was supposed to be a naked party, but my guess was that everyone arrived clothed. So it could be nice to give the right impression from the first moment, even if things were going to change in a matter of minutes. So I chose one of my favorite shirts, matching shorts and flip-flops. I also picked the best underwear possible: they were clean, had really bright and beautiful color and could attract attention even if there was a fire in the place.

 The house was located down the road from my hotel. I neglected to realize I had to walk a long stretch of a very dark road, but I finally arrived and was kind of glad to see so many people there already. They hadn’t opened the place yet, so they were all waiting for the doors to open. I was very pleased to realize that there were so many different kinds of men: tall ones and short ones, chubby ones and athletic ones. And so on. It was very comforting to see that no matter who gave away the flyers, people would come because it was their right to have a nice time with many other different people.

 There was a large locker room, in which I was able to grab a tiny locker for my clothes. It was kind of chaotic at one point, but eventually everyone got in and had somewhere to put their things. A key was assigned to each person, corresponding to a locker, and you had to keep the key with you at all times. They asked people to never remove footwear only because it was a standard thing but it was also clarified that they did not use any glasses on the party, preferring plastic cups instead, which seemed like a better idea.

 The light in the locker room was dark but also very red, so it was hard to actually take a look at anyone. That made me feel a little bit more at ease of being in such a crowded room. But it was getting even more crowded as time went by, so I just took everything off pretty fast and locked my locker in order to move on to the main part of the event, which took place on most rooms of the house. From the outside, it looked like a typical summer beach house, but it was clear they had made some modifications in the inside.

 For instance, there was no proper kitchen. Instead, its place had been taken by a bar and some sort of snack area, each tended by a group of very attractive men. For a moment, it looked like something funny but the more time I spent there, the more comfortable it seemed. They clarified that if people wanted to have sexual intercourse, they could do it in the upper floors. The only limitation was that people had to leave their drinks in the lower level. Besides that, the porch and the beach were opened, also with restrictions.

 Up to the moment I went out to the porch, I had been walking around the lower level of the house, having some snacks and drinks. I even found myself talking to people but they would mostly leave for the upper level and I didn’t really feel ready for that. So that’s why I stepped out of the house and smoked for a bit in the porch. When I finished smoking, I decided to walk on the sand and just sit there for a while. Somehow, my brain felt filled with ideas and questions and so many things, that it made me feel tired.

 The lifeguard came down his post and walked towards a group of guys that were playing around and reminded them to keep it civilized, as drunken shenanigans were not acceptable. He seemed pretty serious so they stopped playing around and just went back to the house.

 He then turned to me and, to my surprise, he smiled. He started talking and then I answered and he sat besides me. I have no idea for how long I stayed there, talking to him. But at the end, we agreed on meeting the next day on the public beach, to talk some more and maybe have something to eat.

 I’m already looking forward to it.

Crisis above

   Captain Kohl had been looking at the problem for a long while, but she wasn’t able to find a single way to fix it without endangering her whole crew. She even imagined going outside the ship and fixing the problem there, but there were already many problems with the oxygen levels and walking outside the ship didn’t help fixing any of those. She spent a whole night trying to come up with a plan, making drawing in paper and then tossing it to the other side of the room. She forbid anyone to even whisper around her.

 The next day, Kohl ordered the crew to gather in the main room. She also invited the guests they had received from the military unit they rescued a few days back because, after all, what was going to happen affected them too. She waited until they were all there and when they were, she only faced a big screen and pushed some buttons. All of a sudden, everyone could see themselves on the screen. The captain was recording, so she put herself in front of the camera and tried to look as calm as she could.

 The message was for Earth, so she greeted her senior officers and chief of mission. She stated the current status of the ship and also its location. She then proceeded to tell them about the accident they had been in, just after rescuing the military personnel they had decided to help. It had to be said that people on Earth had no idea that had happened, so she was also reporting a number of deaths and injuries. She tried to do it in a compassionate way but without really stopping too long to explain all the details.

 Kohl then did detail the most important aspect of her message: the rupture of several solar panels as well as the leakage in their main reactor unit. The chamber where it was housed was already contaminated with radioactivity, which had forced them to evacuate half of the ship, mainly engineering rooms that could be control remotely. However the leakage was persistent and the risks had taken a more serious note. If it couldn’t be stopped, the generator could explode and they could freeze to death in minutes.

 The crew gasped, as they had not thought the problem to be that serious. They thought they could fix it but it was clear that the captain thought there was no real chance of fixing the problem. She did stated that she had tried to come up with a novel idea to prevent what she feared most, but that she had concluded that it was an inevitability. The reactor was going to explode and they could do nothing about it. Before her crew could actually react to that, she declared to the camera that they would evacuate the ship immediately and land on the planet below. No one said a word, they didn’t even breathe.

 She finished the video by stating she would inform them of their success in a few hours. The captain then turned off the camera and then turned to her crew. The most affected by the news were the military, that tried to seem tough but they were visibly very close to crumbling. Her actual crew, her peers, just looked at her in disbelief. Someone asked if they really had to leave the ship, if there was really no other option. And she just nodded and declared it had been a very difficult decision to make.

 The next few hours saw the ship turned upside down. The captain had ordered everyone to pack whatever was necessary and then transport it to the lander that they had in order to land on asteroids. Because that was their original mission: they were going all around the solar system gathering information about asteroids. They landed on them and collected different kinds of data that could one day help understand many mysteries of the cosmos and even some of the remaining mysteries on Earth.

 So it was a priority to put the samples gathered on the lander first, as well as downloading their main computer into that vehicle. As they did that, the military people just stood aside, gathering their very few belongings and watching silently, waiting for the moment when they would be forced to jump on another transport in order to continue their journey. It seemed to never end for them and they were getting a little bit tired of that. They wanted to go home, some even obsessing with that prospect.

 When everything was almost ready, Kohl asked everyone t o gather around near the lander. She would explain the procedure to detach from the ship and then head for the planet they had nearby. It was Mars and they knew very well it could be hospitable if they landed on the right place. She was commenting this with her engineers and with the biologists when, all of a sudden, a gunshot could be heard and everyone froze on their spots. One of the soldiers, a man with very crazy eyes, was holding the gun.

 The captain turned to him and ordered to drop the gun. The man didn’t obey. He seemed to be somewhere else, maybe even high. The captain repeated her orders but the man ignored her, telling his comrades that they needed to stay put and wait for the army to come and get them. The other soldiers nodded, although some did look as scared as the rest of the crew at the sight of the gun. It had been a very big mistake not to check them before letting them in, but the situation had been so dire that the thought had not crossed anyone’s mind. Yet, the situation had been very strange.

 The scientific ship had received a distress call and, as they were so close, they had arrived in no time. The place where the military ship was floating around was not a common spot for any ships in the system. Actually, it was too far from any planets or moons and the military were usually assigned to taking care of military bases on such places. But there was nothing where they found them. Only the floating pieces of their ship and a few survivors unwilling to tell the whole story of what had happened to them.

 The truth was that they had been there to fulfill a secret mission concerning a very special kind of engine that the army was testing in secret. They had been sent to that spot in particular because they knew no ships would ever pass close by. It had been a miracle that the scientific ship had been passing not so far from them. Or at least that’s what they thought at first. Because with the firing of that gun, they soon realized there was no coincidence in anything that had happened, except in the crisis with their reactor.

 That had been a factor that the soldiers had not predicted. They did know how to hack unto computers, and it wasn’t hard for them to make the scientific ship deviate from their usual course into one that would put them directly on their path. That’s how they were saved. They had done that after their tests had been successful and a black hole had been formed artificially in the middle of nowhere. However, it had not been a black hole in the typical sense of the word. It was more like a portal, a door somewhere else.

 Apparently, something had gone horrible wrong with said portal. But the soldiers didn’t say another word. Actually, they weren’t able. One of the engineers toppled the man with the gun and a biologist sprayed the other military people with a special gas. The fainted in seconds and were dragged onto the lander. The captain thanked them for their bravery and kept the gun for herself, stating they had no idea if leaving it there was the best idea. One never knew what could happen once in the planet.

 They left shortly after. They landed on Mars about forty minutes after they had left, just on the outskirts of an abandoned colony. They could make things work again and then maybe asked for a rescue mission from Earth. It would be even easier than asking to rescue them in space.

 That night, they saw how their ship exploded over the Martian skies. The debris fell far away. They all felt strange, not only because it had been their home but also because they felt something was still amiss. Something was not right and  they needed to figure out what it was, fast. Before it was too late.

Out for a date

   The moment the food arrived to the table, Anne started eating. She was please that Ryan had finally called her and asked her out for dinner but the truth was that she had been at home wondering about how she would survive the next couple of days, without any food on the cupboards or on the refrigerator. Then, she felt as if God himself had called her when Ryan timid voice came out of her cellphone, asking if she would be willing to go out with him for dinner and some drinks afterwards.

 Right after accepting, she realized she had probably made a mistake. After all, it wasn’t the first time that Ryan had come up to her and asked for a date. He was always looking at her in the office and would be kind of creepy about it, always nearby, pretending he wasn’t really looking but obviously doing it. For a moment, Anne had thought of even calling the police in order to ask for advice on how to handle a stalker. But she had other things to do and she eventually learned to live with it.

 He had actually stopped being so creepy until that night in which she had accepted his invitation. While dressing up, she tried to come up with ideas of what to say when he asked why she had finally accepted. Maybe Anne could tell him that she had always been very appreciative of his intentions and his presents, such as candy that he had always left on her desk. He never said it was him but it was obvious. She had a full jar, filled to the top with candy the candy that he had left her over the last year.

 As she put on her high heels, she realized it might be the best idea to tell him the truth. Maybe, as a person of the same age, Ryan would be able to understand how difficult of a time Anne was having with money. She was barely able to pay the rent and all of her taxes, so food money was always scarce and this was the first month she found herself trying to save every single piece of food for a later date. But now she had nothing at all. Maybe he would understand that.

 She grabbed her purse, her coat and walked to the main door. She looked back and realized she did feel guilty to take advantage of the poor man. It wasn’t fair for her to just take on his proposal when she could use it and then drop him like a bag of potatoes. It wasn’t fair. As she entered the elevator, she decided to tell him the truth and just try to enjoy the night. Maybe he would understand and they could become friends. After all, they worked together and sometimes people find out they have more in common that what makes them different, so they could really be friends, for real.

 Anne arrived at the restaurant just in time. She asked for Ryan and one of the waiters took her to their table. It wasn’t the fanciest restaurant in the world but it was much more than Anne would ever be able to afford with her salary. The people there looked entertained, some of them were clearly faking it but others did seem really happy. Other people were there for business meetings, some even with their families and, a couple or more, were there cheating on their wives or husbands. It was obvious.

 They finally reached the table, were Ryan had been waiting for under ten minutes. He helped Anne sitting down and they discussed what everyone discusses for the first five to ten minutes: the weather and what had happened that day. It was trivial talk and clearly none of neither of their interests, but it was always kind of expected to talk about how cold or hot the days are and criticize the taxi services in town or maybe blame some politician or group of people for traffic jams that have always been there.

 Passed that time, they ordered the food and then a very heavy silence fell between the two. It was difficult to really start a conversation with someone you already know but do not really know anything about. So Anne opened her mouth to talk first, ready to tell him the truth about why she was there but Ryan was the one to talk first. He looked really nice that night and it was the first time Anne really looked at him, paid attention to his face and his words and not the character she had made up in her mind of him.

 He said he was very glad she had accepted the invitation and talked a little bit about the restaurant and how him and his parents loved to go there together, whenever they were in town. He told Anne about how he had grown up very far from the big city, in a farm were everything was simpler and, somehow, better. He always had trouble communicating with people but he was happy that he was making some advances on that field. Again, Anne tried to talk but Ryan, with a hand, asked not to be stopped.

 He continued his monologue, saying he had met the most amazing woman ever. He was in love, deeply in love and he wanted to ask her hand in marriage. However, he didn’t feel he knew everything he needed to know about her and that’s why he had asked Anne for dinner. For a moment, Anne had no words. She had no idea of what was happening. What was Ryan thinking, just coming out of the blue with such a statement? Who did he think she was, an easy girl that would marry any man just because she’s single? She was about to stand up and leave when he spoke again.

 Ryan was in love with Erica, from accounting. They had hit it off right away once he had been transferred there and he knew very well how good friends Erica was with Anne. So that’s why he had thought about her in order to discuss his next move. He wanted someone who knew her to tell him more about what she liked and didn’t like and to know if they thought it was a good idea to propose so soon. They had gone our countless times but maybe that wasn’t enough.

 Anne was speechless. She had really thought it was all about her. She was really prepared to yell at him and make a huge scene in order for everyone in the restaurant to know what a pig and crazy he was. But that wasn’t going to happen anymore because the man she had profiled a while ago as a creep, was not even interested in her. He was interested in Anne best mate at work. She wouldn’t even call her a friend, just a person that she liked to hang out with during lunches and such.

 So after the food came, which she practically devoured, Anne explained all of that to Ryan. She had to be very clear about her not really being friends with Erica. She didn’t even know much about her past or who her parents were or even what she liked to do as a person. But Ryan didn’t really mind about that. He needed a woman to tell him if what he was thinking of doing made sense, if it was the right move. He clarified he didn’t care about their relationship, he only needed urgent advice.

 Ryan suddenly got very grim and seemed to be on the verge of crying. Anne felt very sorry for him and started to talk about what most women like and don’t like and some clues he should be attentive for if he really wanted to pop the question. They talked for several hours, having drinks after the food and even laughing at some of the points they were trying to make. Anne realized it was good that she had come, not only because she was helping Ryan but also because she was making a friend.

 She eventually explained her reason for coming and Ryan just smiled, telling her it was not a surprise that a young person would have struggles with money. No one seems to have enough to survive anymore, or so he said. He was understanding and even charming about it.

 When the moment came for them to day goodbye, Anne decided to ask Ryan about the candy on her desk. She asked him bluntly if it had been him. But Ryan was confused by the question and then they went their separate ways. So Anne had a new friend but she also had a mystery to solve.