Strength

   The pipe had been there all along. It was make of some metal, maybe lead or something similar. I’m not an expert on things like that. I just grabbed it when I had the chance and used it fast against my aggressors. The first one got the blow right in his face. Blood came running down his nose fast and I took advantage of that by hitting him again, this time on the top of his head. He crumbled to the floor, his face rolling backwards and now his head also bleeding profusely. All in a few seconds.

 As for the other guy, he had been somewhere else. After all, he thought his friend was going to have his way with me for a while, so he had gone out and probably smoke a cigarette or have something to eat. He wasn’t worried at all because he knew no one would ever go near that abandoned warehouse. It was a huge thing, with several floors and a lot of rats running around. No decent person would ever enter that place, so it was an obvious hideout for the kind of scum they were. It was their natural habitat.

 However, when he came back, I was waiting besides a hole where a door used to stand. I grabbed the pipe with both hands and struck him several times, until I destroyed his hands. Then, I moved on to his legs and I would have killed him if I hadn’t noticed he had lost consciousness a few moments before I stopped. I didn’t drop my weapon and I didn’t run out instantly. I was still in shock, without any pants on and my underwear tainted in a color I have never liked to see. I started trembling and then the tears came running down.

 I had no control over anything. The pipe finally fell out of my hands and made a tremendous noise but there was no one in the vicinity to notice it. I cried for a while but then realized I needed to get my shit together fast. I checked on the men and they were apparently only knocked out. That was good because if people ever learned about all that had happened there, I wouldn’t want any of them to think I had killed someone. They deserved it though. I wanted to grab that pipe and smash their heads many times.

 But I didn’t. I grabbed my pants and shoes. My socks were so wet from all the puddles on the concrete floor that I had to remove them and put them in one of my jacket’s pockets. I put on the pants, slowly, as it hurt more than I had imagined. I cried a little more, this time because of the pain, and then put on my shoes without tying the laces correctly. I walked towards the exit, coming out of the building into a large courtyard. There were weeds all over, even some bushes. It didn’t take me a long time to find the proper exit from that place. I was soon walking among other citizens, down a commercial street.

 I couldn’t go fast. There was a lot of pain and I was afraid that my pants had already been tainted with blood. So I decided to take off my jacket and put it around my waist. It was a very odd thing to do, because it was morning and it was very cold. But I had no choice. I’d rather freeze to death that let anyone wander what had happened to me. A cop actually crossed my path as I tried to pretend I was just taking a morning stroll. He looked at me, straight into my eyes, but he apparently didn’t see anything of interest.

 I checked my pockets several times but I couldn’t find my wallet, my cellphone or anything that had been there the night before. It was then when I realized that I had no recollection of the events of the preceding night. I probably went out for a drink or something but couldn’t really remember a thing. That neighborhood didn’t look familiar at all and it wasn’t the kind to be close to the place I had recently rented. I mean, my neighborhood was awful but this one was… the opposite.

 There were nice stores and old little ladies buying bread for breakfast. There were happy families walking around and old men having a walk with their dogs. It was all very peaceful and even beautiful in a way. I have to say it scared me even more to be in such a place than in a district as dangerous and filled with scum than mine. And it was weird that those men had taken me near such a place. Maybe they thought no one would think to check on old factories near posh neighborhoods. That could be it.

 I finally found a bus stop that had a small city map on the side. It was very helpful to make me understand that I was practically on the opposite side of the city. No wonder I had never known of such a place. In order to make it to my apartment though, I would have to take a bus or the train but I had no money for that. I saw several people waiting for the bus and the thought of robbing them crossed my mind. I had never been that kind of person but you change a little bit when awful things happen to you.

 It was then when a nice old lady talked to me. I hadn’t even seen her getting close. She asked me if I was feeling okay, because I had a “paper look”, as she said. I assured her I was doing great and that I only needed my bus card but had lost it somewhere. I pretended to check my pockets, which was apparently everything the old lady needed. She told me she could lend me her card and pay for the trip. She said she liked helping people, because so many people used to help her everyday, especially when she went to the supermarket for groceries. She wanted me to be her good action of the day.

 Of course, I didn’t complain. I got in the bus with her, not even knowing if the route would take me anywhere near my home. I forced myself to talk to her all along the ride, even if I had no real interest in doing so. She was very nice but the pain I felt was increasing. For some reason, I felt worse that I had a few moments ago. Maybe those men had done something else to me, something that wasn’t as obvious as what I had noticed from the start. Maybe there was something else that was making me feel ill.

 The lady finally got to her stop and I made myself help her down the bus, only to get back into it. She waved to me as the bus pulled away and I did the same. I was surprised to see such a kind person the very same day I had almost killed two people for doing something awful to me. The world felt insane and I was in the middle of all of it. I was going to sit down in the same seat when I noticed the place I had been was tainted with blood. It wasn’t a lot but it was visible enough. I touched the jacket and it was wet.

 I rang for the bus to stop. Luckily, the next stop was very near and I had to wait only for a moment, which seemed to last forever. When the doors open, I almost burst out of there. I was so fast though, that I tripped in the last step and fell hands first into the ground. Every single person on the bus and around the stop looked at me. It was exactly the thing I had no need for. I stood up as fast as I could and ran away as many people tried to ask how I was feeling and as some were wandering what was all that blood about.

 I walked away as fast as I could, finally stopping in front of a large supermarket. There was a breeze there that made me feel a little bit better. I had no idea where I was but there was no point in staying on that bus with my body leaking blood like crazy. It had finally taken its toll on me, as my body felt completely tired. Using my arms and legs was painful and even thinking about all that was happening was tiring. I tried to move from the railing I was leaning against, but I couldn’t.

 Everything went black in a moment. I had glimpses to people gathering around me and voices saying things I didn’t understand. My body did not respond to me. My brain was working but everything else was going away. Darkness came and it lasted for a while, until I had another glimpse, in a hospital.

 A doctor was pointing at me with a flashlight but I didn’t react to it, as I should. I was too tired to do so. The face on that man looked scared, even a bit surprised. But I wasn’t able to ask why he looked like that. I fell back into the darkness and wouldn’t come out of it for quite a while.

Sentir

  Me desvestí tranquilamente, disfrutando del sol tibio que brillaba en el momento y de la brisa tranquila que parecía calmar las olas al momento de llegar a la orilla. Dejé todo bien arreglado, junto a mi mochila, y me encaminé entonces hacia el agua. Lo hice despacio, sentía que el momento era casi un ritual o una experiencia mucho más allá de todo lo físico que había estado viviendo durante el último mes. Esta era la primera vez que me sentía en calma, que podía estar en paz, que de verdad estaba completo.

 Cuando el agua tocó mis pies, me sorprendió que no era muy fría pero tampoco caliente, era perfecta. Estuve con los pies allí enterrados un buen rato, mirando a un lado y al otro de la prístina playa, esperando que la magia se rompiera en cualquier momento. Pero no pasó nada. Los matorrales y palmeras temblaron ligeramente a causa del viento y yo elevé la mirada al cielo, contemplado ese inmenso manto azul que no tenía ni una sola manchita de color blanco por ninguna parte.

 Inhalé profundo y seguí metiéndome más en el mar, hasta que el agua ocultó mi genitales y me llegó más arriba del ombligo. La temperatura del aire y del agua eran perfectas, como si alguien hubiese preparado ese baño tan especial solo para mí. Era tan agradable, que cerré los ojos y me dejé mecer ligeramente por el agua. Se sentía como volver al vientre materno, como esas mañanas de invierno en las que estás en la posición perfecta en la cama y simplemente no te atreves a moverte, por temor a romper el momento ideal.

 Cuando abrí los ojos, nada había cambiado. Respondiendo a un impulso, hice un clavado inexperto y me hundí en el agua salada. Lo hice con los ojos abiertos, sin miedo de que después se pusieran rojos y me ardieran. Ya me preocuparía después por mi vista. Por ahora tenía que aprovechar ese momento que tenía en el paraíso. Nadé alegremente de forma paralela a la playa. El agua se sentía perfecta recorriendo mi cuerpo libre. De vez en cuando cerraba los ojos, pensando en quedarme allí por el resto de mis días.

 Cuando salí del trance, me di cuenta de que estaba lejos de mis pertenencias. Pero no me importó. Las miré de lejos y luego me zambullí de nuevo, intentando sentarme en el fondo marino. Quería escuchar el sonido del mar desde su base o al menos desde la zona más profunda que pudiese alcanzar sin que mis oídos se sintieran a punto de estallar. Lo logré por un rato y fue muy agradable. Me hundía y salía y me hundía y salía. No sé cuanto tiempo estuve haciendo esa rutina. Solo sé que él estaba allí cuando emergí una de tantas veces. Y me miraba, fijamente.

 No sentí miedo. No les miento y créanme que me sorprende no haber sentido algo de temor en aquel momento. Pero el punto es que cuando lo vi, solo supe que debía salir del agua para verlo más de cerca. Era casi como si se hubiese aparecido un ser  de otro mundo y yo tuviese que hablar con él para aprender algo que no sabía lo que era, pero que seguramente se escondía en la elusiva y fascinante mente de la criatura. Salí lentamente del mar, sin apuros y sin ningún tipo de sensación.

 Cuando estuve cerca, pude ver que tenía el cabello castaño claro pero con varias parte de un rubio oscuro muy atractivo. Tenía cejas gruesas y oscuras y unos ojos casi negros que me hacían sentir extraño. Sus manos y pies eran grandes y él mismo era más alto que yo. Normalmente, me hubiese sentido avergonzado por eso, porque siempre me he sentido inseguro por mi apariencia física. Pero en ese momento nada de eso se me pasó por la cabeza. Solo lo miraba con curiosidad, como si nunca hubiese visto alguien parecido.

 Nadie dijo nada. Él tenía una mochila en la espalda y la dejó al lado de la mía. Venía descalzo. Me miraba fijamente cuando se quitó la camisa sin mangas, los pantalones cortos y la ropa interior. No los dejó arreglados en el suelo, como lo hice yo, sino que los tiró a un lado como si no pretendiera usarlos nunca jamás. Nos quedamos viéndonos el uno al otro por un rato, sin mover un solo músculo ni decir nada. Era como un desafío algo extraño, como una pequeña batalla que se libraba sin un solo movimiento.

 Fue al rato que yo sentí el impulso de volver al agua. Él me siguió y pronto estuvimos los dos alejados de la orillas, moviendo brazos y piernas para mantenernos a flote. Solo nuestras cabezas eran visibles y ellas seguían enfocadas en el otro. A veces rompíamos la conexión pero la retomábamos a los pocos segundos. Fue en ese momento que me di cuenta de que lo que pasaba no era muy normal que digamos. Pero fue como si alguien alejado de mi lo dijera en un susurro. No hice caso.

 Estuvimos allí nadando y mirándonos el uno al otro por un largo rato. El agua no cambiaba de temperatura y el aire tampoco. Era todo tan agradable y sin embargo era de esperarse que pronto el sol empezara a bajar y entonces se haría la oscuridad en ese paraíso oculto del mundo. Él debió pensar lo mismo porque, cuando me miró de nuevo a los ojos, se le dibujó una sonrisa en el rostro. Yo respondí igual y ese fue el primer momento en que sentí esa vieja vergüenza de antes. Solo por un momento, como un chispazo, pero la sentí como siempre en el pasado, en situaciones no muy diferentes a esa.

 Sin hablar, decidimos volver a la orilla. En efecto, el sol empezó a bajar lentamente por el cielo despejado. Nos sentamos en la orilla para verlo, uno al lado del otro, frente a nuestras pertenencias. Era muy agradable estar allí, con la fina arena bajo nuestros cuerpos y el calor del sol secándonos el agua de mar del cuerpo. Nunca me había sentido tan libre como en ese momento, o tan feliz. Era una sensación tan variada e increíble que simplemente sería inútil tratar de explicarla en simples palabras.

 Pasado un tiempo, el hombre de las cejas oscuras tomó mi mano y la apretó ligeramente. Yo respondí igual. Luego entrelazamos los dedos y jugamos un buen rato, tocándonos el uno al otro pero sin pasar de la muñeca. No solo era obviamente muy sensual sino que se sentía muy bien interactuar de esa manera, sin vocabulario innecesario. Nuestras miradas y el tacto podían hablar muchísimo más de lo que nosotros lo hacíamos. Era una comunicación más profunda y, en cierto sentido, más verdadera.

 Fue cuando me di cuenta de que, debajo de la barba de algunos días y el pelo desarreglado, mi compañero de playa era un hombre que nunca hubiese creído que podría acercarse a mí en el mundo real. Me di cuenta de que era uno de esos hombres físicamente perfectos, de esos que no tienen que preocuparse por nada, pues los cánones de belleza dictan que las personas que tienen ese aspecto físico no serán ni pueden ser juzgadas de la misma manera que los demás. Y esa es una verdad que no admite peros.

 Así y todo, él se acercó cuidadosamente y me dio un beso suave en los labios. Yo me acerqué también y puse una de mis manos sobre su costados. Los besos continuaron, cada vez más profundos e intensos, en cada vez más lugares del cuerpo y de maneras diferentes. No demoramos mucho en tener sexo, un sexo intenso y liberador pero que se sentía como algo mucho más que solo tener relaciones sexuales, que una simple penetración. Era algo que debía pasar, algo que debía de suceder y por eso se sentía tan bien.

 Terminamos cuando el sol tocó el mar. Nos besamos un poco más y nos fuimos separando lentamente. Él se puso de pie primero. No lo vi vestirse ni nada. Simplemente seguí mirando el agua. Cuando el Sol se había ido, el también ya no estaba, ni sus cosas. Yo suspiré, nada más.

 Me quedé un rato allí, abrazado por una oscuridad débil, pues la luna inundaba con su luz todo lo que había por ese rumbo. No quería irme pero sabía que nadie puede estar allí para siempre. Quise guardarlo todo en mi mente para jamás olvidarlo y poder sentirme así alguna vez, de nuevo.

IMPORTANT NOTICE! / ¡AVISO IMPORTANTE!

EN: Hello. I just wanted every person that visits my blog to know that I won't be uploading short stories or any texts for the next few weeks. I won't be at home or near a permanent Wi-Fi in order to upload my writings. Besides, I need a rest from this. No, it's not going to be a permanent thing.

I hope you understand. I'll try to write during my holidays anyway, if I can find the time.

Thank you and happy summer!

ES: Hola. Solo quería decirle a las personas que visitan mi blog que no estaré subiendo cuentos cortos ni ningún tipo de escrito en las próximas semanas. No estaré en casa ni cerca de Wi-Fi estable para subir los escritos. Además, necesito un descanso de esto. Y no, no será algo permanente.

Espero lo comprendan. De todas maneras, trataré de escribir durante mis vacaciones, si puedo encontrar el tiempo.

¡Gracias y feliz verano/feliz julio!

Looks are...

   I couldn’t help but feel tremendous pleasure the first time we had sex. He was one of those guys that you see around a lot, in advertisements, in television and in movies. He was very handsome and his body was almost genetically manipulated to please any living human. His pectorals were round and covered in short hairs and his abdomen was not heavily ripped but enough for anyone to look at him instantly, if he happened to be wearing no clothes on his upper body. He was that guy, the guy most of us would like to be like.

 Or be with. I had never really had a type. I had always like a variety of things and traits in men that would please me in many ways. That’s why I found the question “Is size important?” such a difficult one to actually respond. For me, it was all about the person. If the big penis was attached to a person who knew how to use it and who enjoyed having one, it would most likely end up becoming a very satisfying sexual relationship. If not, disappointment was not impossible nor very far away in time.

 And yeah, I would maybe call myself promiscuous. After a long relationship with one person, who ended up being a lying cheat, I decided that I didn’t really want to commit again, unless I felt something truly special. That has not happened since then, so until very recently I happened to use a lot of dating apps on the phones and websites in order to get dates and casual sex. I would even frequent themed parties and enjoy myself truly in them, no shame or guilt the next day. That’s who I am.

 When I met Henry, the perfect guy I mentioned earlier, I was working as an assistant photographer in a very popular magazine. The place and its people were truly unbearable but I liked the job and the amount of opportunities it could give me in the future. My goal was to become an actual photographer and to be able to have my own studio and work with important people, no matter if they were famous individuals or maybe prestigious magazines. I just wanted to be the one to make them famous, in a way at least.

 So I was the one to get coffee and also the one that practically built the set before the actual photographer came every morning into the studio. Well, it wasn’t exactly morning anymore when he came in, but you get the idea. I would prepare everything and he would just change a couple of things before shooting the actual pictures with the model of the day. It was frequently a female model or some new singer or actress. The magazine focused its attention on that area, thinking women wanted to be them and men wanted to be with them. Just like what I thought of Henry when I saw him.

 He came in one morning. He seemed lost and I actually thought, for a split second, that he was some guy looking for the employment office. But he wasn’t. Once I was closer, I realized how tall he was and how big his hands and feet were. Besides that, his eyes were beautiful and bright and his skin was obviously well taken care of. So he was a model and I had to apologize for my behavior and then made him come into the studio. It was very uncommon for a model to come in so early.

 I told Henry that Marco, the photographer, would take a couple more hours to get there. I pretended to look for a message from him, but I was actually sending texts to Marco telling him to come at once to the studio. I imagined him sleeping in his nice loft, with one or even two of the gorgeous models he had met throughout the years. He was a ladies man and everyone knew that. So I wasn’t surprised when Henry himself suggested for us to have something to drink, as Marco would take a while.

 He waited until I finished with the set, which took about fifteen minutes, and then I invited him to a coffee shop just next door. It was very strange because I felt every single person was looking our way, to Henry to be more precise. And it was true. The girl that took our order was almost to enthralled to even pay attention to what I was saying. I remember hoping that she had noted my almond milk but Henry wanted to sit down as we waited, so we did just that. And it amazed me to realize how little I actually talk to models.

 They were always there for Marco, so I would only do what he asked and then stay very quiet until the photography session was over and he left with the models laughing and talking about some party they had all been together. I would then have to clean everything up and go home. In the nights I wasn’t so tired, I would contact someone and relax with them, in a way, with a drink and a night of sex. When the woman called us to pick up the coffee, Henry laughed because my expression seemed to mark my minds whereabouts.

 He asked about my job and was very kind about it. I asked about his modeling career and I wasn’t surprised to know he was very young and had already worked for a lot of big brands. He was even the image for a perfume! It was then when I remembered his face from a bus stop and our conversation went on from there, talking about life experiences and how we each loved our work and how they were both very connected. I have to say I had a blast talking to him, probably because I would rarely speak with anyone at work. I needed someone that I could exchange at least some words with.

 Later that day, I learned from hearing Marco and Henry, that he had signed a modeling contract that would bring him a big check but would also make him an usual in our studio, as Marco would become something like his official photographer. He took a lot of headshots of Henry that first day and I noticed he would look for my gaze in order to lock his eyes with mine and share a short moment, sometimes with a smile in between it all. It was nice but, by the next day, I thought it was all in my head.

 That was until he stayed after a photo-shoot, telling Marco he needed our Wi-Fi to talk to his agent on the phone. What he really wanted to do was something much more direct and that worked too well for him: he approached me from the back and started touching me all over. His hands felt like tentacles, not stopping for a single second. Somehow, I knew that kind of behavior was not appropriate but I have to confess I decided to go along with it when I realize whom I was about to have sex with.

 And we did. It all happened on the hardwood floor of the studio and when we finished, I had no idea how to feel. It wasn’t like he did something awful during sex or that he left immediately. Henry actually stayed for a while, helping me put everything in order. He joined me in a cab and left me in front of my building. But that night, when I went to bed, I felt something was not completely right with the whole picture. I had liked it but maybe not all of it and I was simply too confused to think about it anymore.

 However, it kept happening and its still happening to this day. He has so many fans and there are even rumors that he’s dating some girl model that looks like a female version of him. It’s insane! And I haven’t asked anything about it because I don’t feel I have any permission to ask him anything about his life. After all, I’m not really part of it. I’m just the guy he decided to fuck this once and I feel this will end soon. I even think that it has happened before and I tell myself I cannot care at all about that.

 I have been living in somewhat of a safe ground for so long. I have fucked whomever I wanted and wherever I wanted. I called the shots in my life, deciding everything about it, especial how I decide to live it. I don’t let anyone else take any action in my life. Or so I thought at least…

 Every single time I’m close to him, I let go of my will to fight back. I know, somehow, that he’s not the right person for me. He’s simply not, in any way, shape or form. However, I keep going back. I keep falling and I have to ask myself if when I fall again, is the ground going to be there to stop me again?