Hand between thighs

   When Alan woke up, he felt a hand lodged right between his thighs, centimeters away from his genitals. He froze as soon as he open his eyes and realized he didn’t really knew what had happened the night before. Not minding the hand or the soft breathing next to him, he tried to remember where he was exactly and what had he done to get there.

 He remembered going to his friend Amelia’s house as she had organized a party for her boyfriend, who had recently came back to the country after working with an NGO for several months in Africa. Alan had always thought Julio, Amelia’s boyfriend, was very handsome and kind and he always told her that if he had been gay, he would have been the one to get him. Amelia always responded to this by laughing and saying, “Right, you wish”. She had cooked some things, bought other things and had bought lots to drink for the many people that were coming.

 At first, it had been a nice little gathering of people and, as it was a surprise party, it had been really nice when Julio had come in and he was truly surprised to see so many people there. Alan ate a lot and then began to drink, just like the rest of the people. Music slowly changed throughout the night and after midnight they were already dancing all over the place. Everyone was having fun. And that’s all Alan could remember clearly. Memories become blurry after that.

 He turned around his head to the left and realized, although the hand between his thighs was a good indicator, that he was naked. His clothes were all over the floor, his underwear on top of a shoe that wasn’t his. He turned around his head to the right and expected not to see whoever it was awake but he wasn’t. He had his eyes closed and he was a very cute guy. Cuter than most men he had ever had sex with. But no matter how hard he tried; he couldn’t remember who he was.

 After dancing had begun, he thought he remembered drinking a lot more. He probably mixed liquors and that’s why his head didn’t feel so good. And his stomach wasn’t too great either. He closed his eyes for a while and tried to think about what he should do. He ended up remembering a conversation with Julio about some political issue in Africa and with Amelia about how hot someone was. He didn’t really remember who he was talking about but he remembered saying something about an ass.

 Carefully, he lifted the bed sheet to see it if the guy’s ass made him remember anything else but it didn’t. It was nice though and he couldn’t help but appreciating that the guy slept on his chest and with his face towards him. He almost laughed at this stupid thought but he contained himself and realized it was probably time to go.

 The hand was the most difficult part.  The best way to do it was to make him move the hand instead of Alan taking it and moving it himself. So he just moved his legs and feet a bit and that made the guy turn his head around and remove his hand from where it was, instead putting it right under his body. Alan waited for further movement but it didn’t happen, so as silently as he could, he got out of the bed.

 He suddenly had a string urge to sneeze and grab his nose just in the right way not to make a big noise. He had a bit of a dust allergy and he realized the floor was not precisely spotless. There were little balls of dust here and there and he decided to get his clothes fast, before he needed to sneeze again. He grabbed his underwear first, then one sock that was on the bed, then his pants on top of the other guy’s shirt. His shirt was on a chair, as well as his jacket and, finally, his other sock on the nightstand near the possible owner of the room.

 Alan realized two things right there: that he might not be in that guy’s place and that he had no idea where his shoes were. He looked beneath the bed and under every piece of clothing still on the floor but he couldn’t find anything. So if they weren’t there, they had to be outside. Hoping not to have to wake up the guy, he grabbed the door handle and pushed as slowly as he could. The door didn’t make a noise and he closed it with care.

 Effectively, his shoes were on the corridor outside. He got dressed right there and in a few seconds he was clothed and walking to the main door. The apartment was nice, although a bit dusty too in the social areas. There was an opened bottle of wine on the coffee table and two glasses. Those were probably theirs and that really explained why Alan had such a need to eat something or vomit. He had never been a good wine drinker and realized he must have been really drunk to accept wine.

 He put on his shoes right on the door, checked his jacket for his wallet and cellphone and when he felt them, he opened the door, got out and closed without minding the slamming sound. He was out anyway, so he didn’t really care anymore. He walked towards an elevator and press the down button and then had a memory, a confusing one, of having kissed someone in an elevator recently. Not a surprise.

 When the elevator opened, a woman not much older than Alan came out and greeted him. He walked into the elevator and, just as the doors were closing, he saw she was standing in front of the apartment he had just left and was looking for her keys. He opened his mouth in surprise and wondered who she might have been.

 Moments later, on the street, he quickly knew where he was and where he had to walk to catch a bus towards his house. It was very early and it was, if Alan remembered correctly, a Saturday. So that explained why the woman was visiting he guy he had been with. Maybe it was his sister. Or maybe it was a friend that had keys, but that didn’t really make any sense. Or she could have been his roommate. After all, he remembered seeing a couple of closed doors. If only he could remember anything about his likely conversation with him.

 When he got to the bus stop, he tried to straighten his hair and look a bit less “hangover” in the face. But that was probably impossible so he just sat in the small metal bench and waited for his bus. He checked the number on his cellphone and then realized he maybe used the phone the night before. So he checked for pictures and, he certainly had many of those but not the kind he was hoping for.

 He almost dropped the phone and had to lower the brightness of the screen so no one else could see, even if he was alone at the bus stop. There were five pictures and in all of them he was having what looked like great sex with the guy he had woken up next to. He certainly didn’t remember that but then something woke up some of his neurons: in one of pictures, he could see the guy had a tattoo of a Celtic symbol on his arm. He remembered having talked about it but not with whom. Probably that guy…

 He knew he said he knew what the symbol meant and he did: it was about eternity and everlasting energy or something like that. Maybe that had been his so-called “pick up line”. Alan didn’t really use those but maybe it had worked that way for him. He also had a couple of pictures in the party but that he remembered very well because they had been taken early in the night.

 The bus arrived; he passed his card and then sat down in the back row. He looked at people and cars and dogs as the bus took him home and when he finally got there he just took off his clothes again and got in bed. But he couldn’t really fall asleep. He was still thinking of the guy and how guilty he felt not knowing who he was, at least a name or something about their conversation or what the sex was like.

 He really was an attractive guy so Alan wondered how he made it happen. Maybe the guy was desperate or maybe Alan had some charm he didn’t even know was there. Maybe he should have stayed in that bed, with that hand between his thighs in order to know more about that guy and possibly about himself. What harm could it have done?

Un extraño

   Al principio no quería mirarme al espejo. Siempre había tenido miedo de ver quién me devolvía la mirada. Era una tontería, pero sentía que la persona en el reflejo y yo simplemente no éramos el mismo. Él siempre parecía más desafiante, más enojado, superior de alguna manera, siempre un paso adelante. No tiene sentido, lo sé, pero así lo había sentido siempre. Hasta que conocí a G.

 Desde que nos conocimos, me pidió que lo llamara por esa letra y por nada más. La verdad es que jamás supe su nombre aunque sí sabía que tenía que ser alguien importante o al menos con el poder suficiente para hacer posibles cosas que muy poca gente puede hacer posible. Debía ser rico o algo por el estilo y debía de tener muchos problemas o muy pocos.

 Lo conocí de la manera más confusa jamás. Había estado caminando por horas en una ciudad desconocida. Cuando viajo es algo que hago con frecuencia: trato de perderme un poco por lugares que no conozco aunque en verdad no me pierdo como tal, solo busco sentir el lugar como lo sienten las personas que viven allí. Camino y camino y de pronto tomo fotos y tomo notas mentales de todo lo que veo. No tomo notas en lápiz o algo así porque no vivo en un libro ni nada parecido, además que las perdería fácilmente de esa manera.

 El caso es que estaba a miles de kilómetros de casa y ese día sí me perdí de verdad. Mi teléfono celular se apagó y no volvió a encender y el mapa que tenía no abarcaba la zona donde estaba. La gente no hablaba inglés y mucho menos español y no había manera, por muchas señas que hiciese, de hacerles entender adonde quería ir. Por lo visto la dirección de mi hotel era también demasiado confusa.

 Como suele pasar cuando las cosas se ponen mal: se ponen peor de alguna manera antes de mejorar. Empezó a llover a cántaros al mismo tiempo que brillaba un sol infernal. Era el clima más confuso que había visto en mi vida y me confundía aún más el saber que no tenía donde meterme ni alguien que me ayudara. Corrí por varias calles hasta que encontré una tienda y entré sin mirar. Estaba mojando el piso y entonces decidí salir de nuevo antes de que me echaran pero una mano se puso sobre la mía y me impidió la salida.

 Me puse rojo al girarme y darme cuenta de que G estaba a pocos centímetros de mi cara. Hay que decirlo: es un hombre bastante atractivo, que sabe mucho de cómo vestirse y arreglarse. Lo primero que noté, y lo recuerdo claramente, fue su perfume. Luego me contaría que era una receta personal que mandaba a elaborar. Pero en ese momento solo lo miré a los ojos y sentí algo extraño en mis entrañas. No, no amor. Algo más fuerte.

 Me dijo que no saliera y que me quedara adentro. Por un momento pensé que él atendía la tienda pero entonces vi al verdadero comerciante, que no se veía muy feliz por el agua en su suelo. G le habló en el idioma local y el hombre solo asintió y se fue, supuse yo que a buscar algo con que limpiar mi desastre. G me habló al oído: “Acompáñame”. Me lo dijo en inglés. No sé de donde pensó que era pero no dije nada, solo moví mi cabeza afirmativamente y lo seguí.

 Era un anticuario, con una luz brillante en el cuarto delantero pero la típica luz algo mortecina en un cuarto, más grande, en la parte posterior. Había cuadros hermosos y esculturas y objetos de todos los tamaños y procedencias. Traté de guardar fotografías mentales de todo y entonces recordé que tenía una cámara pero pensé que sería un poco grosero ponerme a tomar fotos en un lugar donde entré solo a escaparme de la lluvia. Además, a juzgar por las etiquetas en algunos objetos, necesitaría morir y volver a nacer para tener dinero suficiente para comprar algo en ese lugar.

 Al fondo del cuarto posterior bajamos unos escalones a una especie de sótano y nos encontramos en una pequeña habitación que estaba debajo del nivel de la calle. Se podía ver por unas ventanas como la lluvia todavía caía con fuerza. En ese cuarto también había muchos objetos muy hermosos. Me distraje mirándolos y solo cuando sentí sus manos en mi espalda fue supe que se había ido por un momento.

 Me había puesto una toalla sobre los hombros y había dejado sus manos allí. Se sentían cálidas y fuertes. Era extraño sentirme así. Es decir, me gustaba, pero me sentía fuera de lugar. Me hice a un lado y me sequé tan bien como pude. Él me miraba y yo trataba de mirar los objetos porque su mirada me quemaba, era como si pudiera ver a través de mi cuerpo o muy dentro de mi cerebro.

Se me acercó de nuevo y entonces tomó la toalla y me secó el pelo, siempre mirándome a los ojos. Entonces me secó el cuello y cuando puso la toalla alrededor de mi cuerpo me di cuenta de que lo estaba dejando hacer y de que no decía nada. Traté pero no pude. Era como si estuviese hipnotizado o algo por el estilo. No podía dejar de mirarlo y él hacía lo mismo, mientras me apretaba suavemente.

 Entonces recobré el sentido o desperté o lo que fuese y di un paso hacia atrás. Le agradecí pero le dije que debía volver a mi hotel. Me preguntó si viajaba con alguien y no pude mentirle. Cuando le dije que no, sonrió. Me dijo que quería invitarme a comer algo, si se lo permitía y para ese momento estaba temblando, sintiendo como de nuevo perdía la voluntad al mirar sus grandes ojos y su cara perfecta.

 Minutos después habíamos salido a la calle con una sombrilla del dueño y nos subimos a un coche último modelo. No sé nada de carros y esas cosas pero supe que debía costar unos cuantos millones. Olía a nuevo y me dio pena mojarlo. Incluso me dio pena sentarme allí con mi ropa que debía costar lo de una llanta de semejante máquina. Él, sin embargo, no dejaba de sonreír. Cuando arrancó, no lo dejaba de ver y al mismo tiempo pensaba que estaba haciendo algo estúpido al subirme al coche de un extraño.

 Llamó a alguien por el teléfono integrado del automóvil. Habló en el idioma local así que no entendí nada de lo que dijo pero sí me pregunté si de pronto era un rico local. Hablaba muy bien inglés pero perfectamente podría ser por una probable excelente educación. Nada en su rostro lo hacía parecer de algún lado en particular así que nunca se sabía. Apreté mi mochila un poco cuando pude dejar de mirarlo y me di cuenta del miedo que sentía.

 Al poco tiempo llegamos a un portal que se abrió automáticamente y dio paso a una casa enorme, una mansión. Pero contrario a las películas, donde había millonarios, nadie salió a nuestro rescate. Él salió primero del coche y creo que iba a impedirme mojarme pero yo no soy un mujer del siglo XIX, así que salí de golpe y lo dejé atrás. Subí unos escalones enormes hasta estar bajo el techo de la entrada de nuevo. Él me siguió y no dijo nada.

 Cuando entramos no pude evitar dejar salir una exclamación: el sitio era hermoso pero simple. No era recargado ni con demasiadas antigüedades. Era perfecto. Me tomó de la mano y me puse rojo pero no lo solté. Me llevó a la cocina y allí fue cuando empezamos a hablar de verdad mientras él hacía un delicioso pollo con especias. Le fui tomando confianza y creo que él a mi.

 Al final de la comida me preguntó que había en mi mochila y le mostré. Tomó la cámara sin preguntar y empezó a mirar las fotos que había tomado. Me dijo que tenía buen ojo pero que me hacían falta mejores fotografías. Y entonces enfocó el lente y me tomó una foto. Todavía la tengo guardada en algún lado. Le dije que no me gustaba tomarme fotos y me preguntó por la razón y le dije que nunca me había gustado mucho mi apariencia.

 Me tomó otra foto. Esa la borré. Me pidió que lo acompañara a su habitación favorita y eso hice. Él llevó la cámara y yo solo caminé detrás suyo. La habitación que mencionaba tenía algunas pinturas colgadas y otro par en caballetes. Me dijo que era su afición y que le gustaba mucho porque lo hacía soñar y disfrutar de todo lo que había en la vida que le gustaba. Y entonces me dijo que le gustaría pintarme alguna vez. Yo no dije nada. Me apretó la mano y entonces me besó. Hicimos el amor en ese cuarto por primera vez pero lo haríamos más veces, en otras ocasiones.

 No sé explicarlo, pero sabía todo sobre mí o lo intuía. En el sexo supo complacerme como nadie nunca lo hizo y llegué a pensar que le interesaba más mi placer que el propio y que yo le gustaba de verdad. Me pintó entre esas ocasiones de sexo casual, en un viaje que yo había alargado con dinero que G había invertido, o así le llamaba.

 Nunca vi la pintura terminada. Un día me dijo que debía irse pues esa casa solo era un casa de verano. Debía volver a su vida real y yo también. La última vez que nos vimos me dio un beso que no logro olvidar y me dijo que si me viera al espejo alguna vez, de pronto vería todo lo que él veía.

 No supe más de él. No creo que piense en mí pero yo sí que pienso en él, en el cuadro que debe estar en esa casa y en lo que me dijo. Por eso me desnudo frente a espejos y me miro por varios minutos, esperando ver lo que él vio para entender lo que pasó en ese lugar tan lejano.

AVISO / NOTICE

ES: No habrá nuevos escritos hasta el jueves, pues estoy de vacaciones lejos de casa.

EN: No more stories until Thursday, as I'm on holiday abroad.

Realization

   Norman had never really had any dreams, no real aspirations for life. He had gone through high school with pain, due to his lack of interest for most subjects, and went on to take six months off to decide what he was doing next. His parents agreed but only because he had really made an effort in his last year to get the best scores possible to get into a good college. They weren’t magnificent scores but they were certainly much better anyone had hoped him to have.

 He loved animals so he thought of becoming a veterinarian. But decided not to when he realized he would have to operate and see wounds and things like that. He wasn’t the best person in the presence of blood or any substances like that.

 Then he analyzed the possibility of becoming an architect. But he really sucked at mathematics and at drawing so it didn’t make much sense. Engineering was also out of the question as well as anything to do with math.

 He turned to the arts and put aside at once anything very plastic. He had never been good with his hands. Literature seemed interesting but he didn’t very much mind reading and cinema required him to work in a group. Which was very hard because he tended to like being alone.

 There was also law school, which he found very boring, and psychology, which he thought was garbage wrapped in trash. Philosophy never ended up anywhere and there wasn’t really anything else he could choose in the available colleges.

 The only thing he was good at was typing, like the secretaries in the fifties. He was really good and was capable of writing really fast although he had no idea what he was writing about. So he looked it up and decided it would be interesting to become a translator. It seemed easy, it was something everyone needed in due time, they got to travel and it just seemed right for him. Besides, he had learned two languages in school besides his own so at least he had already begun his studies, in a way.

 After two years of the career, Norman met Drake. He was a stunning man who happened to be very well known in the small world of high schools that compete against each other. When they first met in college, Norman was sure he had met Drake before. The thing was, he hadn’t but he had seen him several times when he and his classmates would attend football matches to support their school team.

 Drake was the star of one of the other high schools and everyone knew him because of his slight accent and his popularity with women. Norman had checked him out a lot back in the games but never really thought of anything. Later on, through a mutual acquaintance, they met in college and hit it off right away.

 They would speak for hours about their time in high school, their personal experiences there and also about their lives as college students. Drake was studying to become an architect and Norman soon saw with his own eyes that he was really good at drawing. When he did it, he was always very focused, as if he was alone somewhere. It was something really nice to see.

 They labeled their relationship as friendship. Norman went to Drake’s house often and vice versa. Sometimes Norman would judge Drake’s drawings and designs and would help him find things to make his ideas more appealing to the teachers. Drake also helped Norman by learning all the verbs and their forms for the frequent exams that he had. He also timed his typing skills and they always had fun with that.

 Although Drake had two girlfriends during their time in college, Norman barely saw any of them. They didn’t really talked about it. It wasn’t really a surprise when, in their last semester, Drake confessed he thought he was n love with Norman. And Norman realized he had been in love from the first moment they had begun their friendship.

 So shortly after they were done with college, they moved in together and promised each other to make it work. They found a small apartment midway between each other’s jobs and just lived a nice life for a long time until Drake proposed. He was one of those guys that like all the classic stuff. He wanted his life to have it all and Norman accepted because he was happy and wanted Drake to be as happy as he could. 

 They got married in a beautiful retreat by the mountains with friends and family and celebrated it by travelling to a faraway island where they were treated like gods. Besides, their relationship grew stronger and they felt they really had someone to trust and talk to whenever they wanted to. It was one of their shared dreams and they had achieved it.

 But then, some years later, Drake asked Norman if he would like to get a child, through adoption or insemination. Drake had entered those years in which men have a desire to leave their mark in the world and the ideal way to do that is to have a child. Norman had to think about it for a while because it wasn’t an easy decision. It was the life of some poor kid they were talking about and he didn’t wanted to make a mistake with that.

 Months later, they decided to go to an agency where they would offer a woman willing to carry their baby for the duration of the pregnancy. It had been Norman that made the decision, as he decided that if they were going to have a child, it was best of it looked like one of them. He felt bad for all the children up for adoption but he just thought it was the best choice for them.

 The pregnancy months were difficult because one of them had to help the woman they had chosen with all her pregnancy related issues and the one who was less busy was Norman. He took her to the doctor and to the dentist and to those classes were pregnant women learning how to breathe and how to stay strong. She was a very nice woman that just needed money and had already been a mother so she knew what it was all about. She was a single mom and her parents were not very happy with their decision but she didn’t care about that.

 Norman had some time to work, mainly online, with official documents but had to stop travelling to take care of the pregnancy. When the baby was born, the woman disappeared after being paid and they had new responsibilities. Drake tried to get some months off but due to fact that they were two men; they only gave him half the normal time. They sued but nothing came out of that. They enjoyed their time together, now three, and when he went back to work it was Norman who had to put almost everything about his career on hold.

 He got a break when the child was bigger and they had people they trusted to leave him off with like their parents or sisters or brothers who already had children. Being a baby, they didn’t feel good doing it but now that little Kevin as older; it didn’t seem much of a problem.

 One day, it the supermarket, Norman realized he was looking for a different cereal box for each one of them as well as their favorite snacks and meals. He knew how to cook the best burgers with mushrooms and he created Kevin’s favorite juice, a combination of three tropical fruits. In front of the freezers filled with frozen fish, he realized he had become a “house husband”. He had never really intended to and now he was doing all the things that the house needed to get done in order to work.

 He loved dressing Kevin up in Halloween and kissing Drake every morning and having sex in the most unexpected times.

 Then, Kevin was in school, Drake was successful in his job and now had a company of his own and he traveled from time to time to act as translator for some government officials or in other events. When he did that, it was fun but he had much more fun at home, when he was cooking or making the house look good. He had finally found what he loved.

 Maybe it wasn’t the most popular job of them all but he loved the look on his family when they appreciated his hard work. They didn’t teach any of that in college and he certainly had no use for those damn high scores and grades.