Unexpected

 He was very nervous. Samuel gave him a cigarette and told him to go smoke it outside, by the bushes that covered a large part of the house. As they filmed inside with another guy, he was smoking, his hands shaking and even his lips turning a very bright pink. He had been chosen just of the street, after one of the producers had just loved the way he looked. He wasn’t a very hipster boy or anything like that, he was just naturally beautiful and that was something they really needed in their movies.

 There was a market for those who liked guys like him, the kind that looks very young but that’s old enough to sign a contract and win a decent amount of money for working in the adult industry. Of course, there was always the problem of him never having done anything like that. The producer had told him it was something very safe and very private or at least as private as it could be when the video could be seen by, at least, a million people online. The point was that it was a very lucrative business.

 And the guy needed it. His name was Phillip and he had no money to go to college. He lived with his single mom and a little sister. She was being sent to public school, so her mom had no money worries there. But she just couldn’t do anything for her son. Her advice for him was to just get a job and start making money, in order to avoid giving his future family a life like that one. He was saddened by those words but, at the same time, it was funny that his mom had no idea he had no interest in women or families.

 He accepted the offer by calling the producer the night he talked with his mother. They agreed to do a screen test, with a video camera and taking some pictures. For him, that was no problem. He just did what they asked from him and, not surprisingly, he was all that they could wish for in a guy and maybe even more. He looked exactly like what their audience was asking for. He was very flattered when they told him this, not really understanding the whole dimension of the matter. The important thing was he was going to get paid.

 However, the morning of the first shooting he realized that, although he had sexual experience, he had never done it in front of so many people. There was a camera guy and his assistant, a makeup person, the sound guys, the director, a producer and, of course, the other guy that would be having sex with him. It was al a bit overwhelming when he first saw it all and that’s when Samuel the sound guy gave him a cigarette and told him to go outside and chill for a bit. It was a good advice. Phillip tried to calm down but he wasn’t fully calmed when he was called inside, in order to begin.

 To his surprise, he had neglected to realize he was going to have sex with only one person. So when they started touching and kissing, the others just seemed to disappear. Of course, every now and then, they would say some direction or tell them to move in a certain way. It would break the moment for a bit, but he would go on doing what they were paying him to do. When it was all done, everyone congratulated the pair. The director looked very happy and the producer told Phillip he could be the next big star.

 He got paid right then and there and took the bus straight home to go and stash the bills inside a can he had in his room. He would have loved to tell his mother he was going to make good money, but he realized he had to lie first. He just couldn’t tell her what he was actually doing. Not because it was bad or wrong, his mother was not that kind of person. He just didn’t have any intention to tell her that he was gay. It didn’t seem like the right time to do it. So he had to come up with something else to cover for it.

 Phillip announced her, the next day that he was going to work in a comic book store. He said it was one of those big stores in the fancy side of town, where many men would pay hundreds of dollars for a vintage version of their favorite comic book. She was very surprised but pleased and, as expected, she didn’t ask anything else. Not how he had gotten the job or when or how much did it pay. She was just happy to know her son could take care of himself. Besides, he knew that once he made more money, he would try to help her a bit with it, by buying groceries or paying some of the home bills.

 Time passed and the producers came through with their promises. Some weeks, Phillip had to go and perform for at least four movies. Some were done for the same production company and others would be done by foreign people that would pay to have Phillip in one of their pictures. At the beginning, he was only portrayed as a young innocent boy. But he eventually got into more specific genres within the industry. Of course, nothing too violent or dangerous. He was a pretty boy but not a stupid one.

 More than once, some man somewhere would try to touch him without permission or do crude jokes about him in front of him. At first he tried to just shrug it off, but once he realized he had some weight in the conversations, he started to talk back to people and to let them know exactly what the rules were. One thing was the performances he gave and another, very different, was his intent to be with someone, if there was any intent at all. This made him lose a few jobs but it made others fall in love with him and inviting him to do more work and even a few side things.

 He would do silly videos with some of his costars, in order to raise money for different things, or he would model clothes and accessories for many brands catering to the gay community. The moment he felt he had made it, in some way, was when they asked him to go to the other side of the country to promote some of his movies and also some of the clothes that he had been modeling for. He would make a ton of money doing that and he would also gain much needed exposure that was never a bad thing for anyone.

 His mother thought he was going on a trip to buy rare vintage comic books for the store. It was around then when he felt she knew something, maybe not the whole picture but maybe parts of it. She looked at him differently and would seem to be careful with her words when she spoke to him. He would have liked to ask her what was going on but it would be pushing a little bit too much and it wasn’t worth it, not in that moment that seem to be going so good for her. That part of his personal life could wait.

 However, life never really agrees with anyone. She just takes her own course. On his trip, he met a photographer for a new brand that wanted him as a model. He posed for him and talked a lot during the photo-shoot and at an event where they ran into each other. He realized he really liked that guy, and the guy seemed to really care about him, beyond the pornography and the pictures. Luckily, he too lived on the other side of the country, so they even went back together, talking and talking during the five-hour flight.

 It was about three months into them dating, when Phillips mother told him he was proud of him, no matter what he did. He was confused by that and had no idea what to say. She then grabbed her tablet and showed him an advertisement she had seen online for men’s underwear. It was him. She told him she investigated a little bit more and realized what other business he was working in. Before he could say a word, she assured him it was all fine, because he wasn’t doing anything wrong. It was just different.

 Weeks later, Phillip introduced her to Jonathan, the photographer he had been dating for a while. He really hit it off with her and with his little sister. They would even go to the movies or the park, enjoying the weekends together as a big family. It was a very strange feeling but a good one.

 Phillip kept doing his jobs. Eventually, he moved on more into the modeling aspect of the whole thing, but still loving to work for some brands that let him get in touch with that side of him that gave him a chance in life. It was strange, but he owed it all to pornography. Who would have thought?

Gato de ciudad

   La noche caía y el ruido en toda la ciudad aumentaba, sobre todo cerca de las grandes avenidas y de los centros de entretenimiento que empezaban a llenarse con más y más gente que iban y venían, riendo y hablando, gastando y comiendo. El viernes era siempre lo mismo, un caos con una resolución siempre igual. Era parte del alma de la ciudad y casi no había manera de cambiarlo. Era una de sus realidades y tal vez una de las más conocidas pero ciertamente no la única.

 En un barrio cerca de uno de los distritos de entretenimiento, un gato de color gris con rayas negras cruzaba las calles de un andén al otro, mirando con detenimiento cualquier ser humano o automóvil que pudiese cruzársele. Para poder pasar de un lado a otro de una calle más transitada, tuvo que esperar un buen rato hasta que por fin no hubo vehículos y pudo pasar moviendo su cola de un lado al otro. Llegó a su destino muy pronto: un puente que unía dos colinas por encima de un pequeño valle de casas.

Normalmente, la zona se llenaba de seres humanos que tomaban fotos del puente y desde él, pero a esas horas del viernes, cuando la noche empezaba, por esos lados no había ni un alma. Solo estaba el gato que se subió a la baranda del puente y se sentó allí, a mirar hacia lo lejos. Para él, tanto como para los seres humanos, la vista desde el lugar era simplemente hermosa. No solo por el impacto visual de ver casa justo debajo, sino porque más allá había un hermoso parque verde y luego un río de aguas potentes.

 El gato había recorrido la ciudad de cabo a rabo, a través de su vida como gato de la calle. A veces se quedaba en las casas de algunos humanos, pero no soportaba el hecho de estar encerrado por cuatro paredes. Le parecía una limitación ridícula y el hecho de que algunos de sus compañeros felinos les gustara esa idea, le parecía casi un insulto. En su mente, los gatos tenían que ser libres, para poder hacer lo que más les gustara sin tener que justificarse ante nadie, sin importar cuanta comida recibieran por el cautiverio.

 Mientras movía la cola con suavidad, sintió la presencia de algunos humanos. Estuvo listo para salir corriendo pero no hubo necesidad. Solo rieron, tomaron algunas fotos, rieron más y se fueron hablando de cosas de humanos. Normalmente siempre había uno que decía algo más o que se acercaba a intentar acariciarlo y, dependiendo del momento, el gato podía aceptar la interacción o simplemente irse. Pero fue una fortuna que no pasara nada esa vez porque ese día tenía que quedarse allí, mirando y mirando hasta que lo que iba a pasar tuviese lugar, no importaba el momento.

 Casi se lo pierde por culpa de los humanos y sus cámaras. Cuando volteó a mirar el parque y el río, vio con placer un destello algo débil que indicaba precisamente lo que estaba buscando. El destello fue permanente y luego se apagó para encenderse una vez más. Parecía que algo andaba mal pero no demasiado como para el destello se detuviera del todo. Observó la luz por un buen rato, hasta que por fin se apagó y no volvió a encenderse. La duración era la adecuada y el momento justo, debía proseguir.

 Bajó de la baranda del puente y caminó presuroso hasta una de la calles más cercanas. Esa calle bajaba de manera brusca haciendo un ligero giro, hacia la parte baja, un poco más allá del puente y muy cerca del parque. El gato aceleró el paso, aprovechando la completa ausencia de ruidos provenientes de la humanidad. Era un poco extraño que ninguno de ellos se hiciese notar, pero había ocasiones en que los seres humanos hacían cosas que a los gatos podían parecerles como magia o algo por el estilo.

 Cuando llegó al final de la calle, no se detuvo sino que enfiló directamente hacia la espesura del parque. No era el lugar más alegre del mundo para meterse de noche, pero había que cortar por allí para poder llegar hasta el río. Lo malo del parque de noche no era solo la presencia de seres humanos más insoportables que otros, sino que con frecuencia existía la posibilidad de encontrarse con criaturas que no tenían nada que ver con la vida en la ciudad. Era un poco insultante que invadieran todo, sin más.

 Una vez, el gato había tenido que luchar por un pedazo de comida que había encontrado por sí mismo con una cosa que parecía gato pero era más grande y peludo. Tenía como manchas en los ojos y unas manitas que le recordaban a las manos de los seres humanos pequeños. Era una criatura increíblemente rápida y agresiva, tanto que logró rasgar el pelaje del pobre gato varias veces. Por fortuna, una de los humanos buenos lo había curado pues lo encontró en el parque al día siguiente de la pelea.

 Además estaban las palomas, de los seres más tontos que el gato hubiese jamás encontrado. Había muchos compañeros suyos que las perseguían e incluso se las comían pero él las encontraba simplemente asquerosas. Eran criaturas sucias, que no tenían ningún problema en comer cualquier cosa que se les pusiera enfrente, incluyendo a otras palomas. Eran seres tan tontos que huían siempre de los humanos a pesar de que estos casi siempre solo querían alimentarlas. Le parecía que seres tan tontos como esos no tenían lugar en un lugar tan hermoso como el parque y tampoco en su estomago.

 Sin embargo, esa noche el parque estaba bastante solo y en calma. No había bestias locas tratando de robarles a otras ni las palomas parecían tener mucho interés en hacer nada más sino buscar semillas aquí y allá. Cuando estuvo del otro lado de la zona verde, el gato se dio cuenta que primero debía cruzar una avenida enorme antes de poder llegar hasta el río. Tuvo que esperar mucho tiempo para poder hacerlo, habiendo intentado en varias ocasiones pero teniendo que devolverse cada vez por el paso de algún vehiculo.

 Cuando por fin estuvo del otro lado, vio que había otro parque cerca del agua, como hundido junto a la avenida. Pero no era un parque bonito, como el que había cruzado hacía un rato. Era uno de esos hechos por humanos, con un montón de cosas que no eran naturales. De hecho, era obvio que era entretenimiento exclusivo para ellos, porque de una parte de ese sector provenía un ruido estridente al que el gato que no quería acercarse ni por error. Por eso siguió la avenida hasta un puente.

 Era la única manera de cruzar el río, por lo que subió al borde del puente y caminó cuidadosamente. No era como el del barrio en el que vivía sino más grande y más grueso. Lo que pisaba al caminar eran grandes rocas frías y lo que iluminaba el sector eran lámparas de un color bastante extraño, apagado, casi triste. Sin embargo, el puente no era muy largo y su recorrido terminó muy pronto. Miró hacia atrás, para ver cómo se movía el agua en la oscuridad. No le gustaba mucho la idea de caer allí algún día.

 Se detuvo un momento y comprendió que la luz había venido de un lugar muy cercano al puente, por la calle lateral que bordeaba el río. Era un barrio muy silencioso, con casitas y no edificios como al otro lado del agua. Se sentía como un lugar diferente, casi como si hubiese cambiado de ciudades para llegar hasta allí. Era agradable sentir que se estaba en un lugar nuevo, algún sitio en el que pudiese intentar nuevas cosas y vivir de una nueva manera. Había mucho por hacer en el mundo y muy poco tiempo para hacerlo.

 Pasados unos minutos, vio que de ese lado no había parque, solo un viejo muelle casi desmantelado. Con cuidado, caminó por la madera vieja y se encontró, a medio camino de la punta, con una linterna de mano, muy pequeña, tirada en ese preciso lugar. La olió y la tocó: estaba caliente.

 Cuando se dio la vuelta, una gata blanca lo miraba desde la calle. No lo llamó ni hizo ningún gesto, solo corrió hacia el otro lado de la calle y de pronto se detuvo, mirándolo de nuevo. No tenía que hacerlo dos veces para que él entendiera. La aventura apenas empezaba.

Naked party

   Everything had become a little too overbearing in the inside, so I made my way outside. There was a large porch kind of thing, where people could have a smoke or just go down to the beach and relax there. Of course, being a naked party, the organizers had been smart enough to put several warnings on the sand for people to avoid the water. Most were drunk and it would have been a grave mistake for any of them to enter the water in that state. There was even a lifeguard on duty, which seemed to be very bored.

 I went around the house, all along the porch, and finally found a spot to be alone and in peace. There was some kind of mannequin offering cigarettes, reminding people to only grab one. You could light it up with a built-in lighter that the doll had on its hand. It was kind of a clever idea and I was in such desperate need to relax that the cigarette was essential for that. I didn’t really smoke that much in my daily life, but this kinds of parties made me resort to that kind of vice in a very predictable way.

 The air was rather warm that night, yet there was a wind blowing from the ocean that felt chilly and gave goose bumps in an instant. I found myself caressing my arms as I smoked and watched some people playing around on the beach and the lifeguard yawning, but still watching them very closely. I could hear the ocean and it could be seen but only because a red lantern, kind of a Chinese thing, had been lit in the middle of the beach, right at the center of the section reserved for people that had come to the party.

 Curiously, I had come because of a flyer I had been given in another beach, the official gay beach very nearby. The truth is, the gay didn’t really wanted me to have the flyer, it was a thing of the wind blowing and him being unable to keep his things in order. He must have felt ashamed when I grabbed the paper and asked what it was about. He explained and just let me have the flyer, obviously dreading the idea of a guy like me going to such an event. I have to say I wanted to laugh at him but I didn’t.

 They were giving the flyers to all hot guys on the beach and it was clear they didn’t consider me one. I wasn’t ripped, with an eight pack and tall as a tree. I didn’t have any of that, even if I had been working out at the gym like a crazy person in order to be looking nice for this holiday. I had planned it for a while, something that I would be doing for myself and by myself, so I really wanted to look as good as possible. I had even bought a speedo type swimwear that made me a little bit uncomfortable. The flyers guys weren’t helping me a lot in that department, but I just went through it.

 My attempted laughter at the flyer guy had been caused by the idea that I found the party they were promoting something silly and the kind of thing I would never participate in. So I just forgot about it until I saw the flyer back in the hotel, after having a shower and preparing to go down and have dinner. I read the whole thing and I have to confess I found it to be very interesting. So much so, that I decided to investigate a little further. I spent the duration of my dinner reading on my cellphone about those kinds of parties.

 The mere idea of being naked around other people made me laugh out of nervousness. I wasn’t able to imagine being in such an event because I had always been too self-conscious about my physical appearance. Even after so many hours of workout and dedication to my body, I was still ashamed to parade without a t-shirt, much less being totally naked. I still had some “love handles” as well as many things that those guys on the beach didn’t have. But somehow, I decided to take it on as a challenge.

 They couldn’t stop me from going and I had decided it was the perfect kind of thing to push myself and just try new things. Maybe it wasn’t going to be my type of party or my kind of people, but that wasn’t the important part. The idea was to experience something different, something that I would have never done back home, being afraid of running into someone or something like that. I had decided to be a little bit more adventurous, in order to accept myself a little bit more, to love myself more in order to live a healthier life.

So, silly me, I looked all over my luggage for the best clothes to wear. I knew it was supposed to be a naked party, but my guess was that everyone arrived clothed. So it could be nice to give the right impression from the first moment, even if things were going to change in a matter of minutes. So I chose one of my favorite shirts, matching shorts and flip-flops. I also picked the best underwear possible: they were clean, had really bright and beautiful color and could attract attention even if there was a fire in the place.

 The house was located down the road from my hotel. I neglected to realize I had to walk a long stretch of a very dark road, but I finally arrived and was kind of glad to see so many people there already. They hadn’t opened the place yet, so they were all waiting for the doors to open. I was very pleased to realize that there were so many different kinds of men: tall ones and short ones, chubby ones and athletic ones. And so on. It was very comforting to see that no matter who gave away the flyers, people would come because it was their right to have a nice time with many other different people.

 There was a large locker room, in which I was able to grab a tiny locker for my clothes. It was kind of chaotic at one point, but eventually everyone got in and had somewhere to put their things. A key was assigned to each person, corresponding to a locker, and you had to keep the key with you at all times. They asked people to never remove footwear only because it was a standard thing but it was also clarified that they did not use any glasses on the party, preferring plastic cups instead, which seemed like a better idea.

 The light in the locker room was dark but also very red, so it was hard to actually take a look at anyone. That made me feel a little bit more at ease of being in such a crowded room. But it was getting even more crowded as time went by, so I just took everything off pretty fast and locked my locker in order to move on to the main part of the event, which took place on most rooms of the house. From the outside, it looked like a typical summer beach house, but it was clear they had made some modifications in the inside.

 For instance, there was no proper kitchen. Instead, its place had been taken by a bar and some sort of snack area, each tended by a group of very attractive men. For a moment, it looked like something funny but the more time I spent there, the more comfortable it seemed. They clarified that if people wanted to have sexual intercourse, they could do it in the upper floors. The only limitation was that people had to leave their drinks in the lower level. Besides that, the porch and the beach were opened, also with restrictions.

 Up to the moment I went out to the porch, I had been walking around the lower level of the house, having some snacks and drinks. I even found myself talking to people but they would mostly leave for the upper level and I didn’t really feel ready for that. So that’s why I stepped out of the house and smoked for a bit in the porch. When I finished smoking, I decided to walk on the sand and just sit there for a while. Somehow, my brain felt filled with ideas and questions and so many things, that it made me feel tired.

 The lifeguard came down his post and walked towards a group of guys that were playing around and reminded them to keep it civilized, as drunken shenanigans were not acceptable. He seemed pretty serious so they stopped playing around and just went back to the house.

 He then turned to me and, to my surprise, he smiled. He started talking and then I answered and he sat besides me. I have no idea for how long I stayed there, talking to him. But at the end, we agreed on meeting the next day on the public beach, to talk some more and maybe have something to eat.

 I’m already looking forward to it.