miércoles, 20 de mayo de 2015

Dangerous questions

  It wasn’t only the rain but also the wind that kept us from walking faster but we finally made it to my building. We were completely soaked, dripping water all over the floor. I told him it was better to go up the stairs rather than taking the elevator. There was a lady that would have loved me to do something foolish in order to go to my house and do an hour-long speech about how neighbors should behave. She was a real pain in the ass but I understood why she was like that: she lived alone with her cats and rumor has it that she was left in the altar by some guy who vanished. She was devastated and now behaved like a bitch with everyone.

 I opened the door to my apartment and we got in. Suddenly he grabbed me by the waist and pressed me against himself. We kissed and in a matter of minutes are wet clothes were on the floor and he had taken me to the bedroom. His kisses somehow felt better after all that cold in the street and his body felt warmer, more comforting. We kissed in the nude for a long time and I understood we were good just like that. We didn’t need to have sex right then, it was better to hold each other and just kiss, keeping our bodies warm.

 We fell asleep after a few hours and it was me who woke up first. My bedroom window was covered in vapor and it actually felt a bit colder than before. Naked as I was, I decided to go to the kitchen and have something to drink. It was late at night, around 2 AM, but somehow I had just woken up because of this thirst. I stood by the living room window and cleaned it with my hand. It was raining fiercely outside, thunder sounds far in the distance. Just below the window, the street looked like a river, a lot of water rushing through.

 Suddenly I felt his hands on my waist again but this time he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. I finished my drink and left the glass on the coffee table. Slowly, he lowered his hands and, next thing you know, we were having sex right there in my living room. I liked the feeling of his hands over my body and hearing how his breath had a rhythm that changed according to what we were doing at the moment. He seemed in control and I liked that because I wanted it to happen that way. We understood each other, in and out of bed and I was grateful for that. It wasn’t every day that you find a guy with whom you feel so at peace with.

 After finishing, we went back to bed and slept in a hug and well covered by the blankets. It was suddenly very cold and, before I went asleep, I heard the sound of something small hitting the ground. I realized it was hail just the morning after, went it was all covered in white, as if snow had fallen. But it was still raining and, according to the weather guy in the television, people should avoid going out if the could because of the flooded streets and the risk of streams forming everywhere. The city was practically built on a hillside so water always ran just past it, which could increase the damage done by the water.

 I decided to let him stay over the day, until the rain stopped at least. We had breakfast together and I discovered he chew with his mouth open. It was amazing to discover this because I also realized we had never had dinner or lunch or anything together. Every time we met was for sex or most of the time at least. And yeah, the sex was great, but it hit right there that we didn’t really know each other that well. As he ate his cereal with his feet on my coffee table, I watched him and realized we had no idea about the other person. We had been going out for three months now and I didn’t even exactly knew what he did for a living or what kind of movies he liked or anything else apart from sex.

 Things like movies or art or literature where great interests to me and I was surprised to see I didn’t know what he liked. So I turned off the TV, to his obvious displeasure, and asked him to play a game. Each one would have five questions, one per turn, and we could ask each other anything right there. After all the questions have been asked and answered, we could go back to whatever it is we were doing before. He accepted and we begin. It was a very bad way to begin, as my first question was “Why are your feet on my coffee table?” He instantly turned red and put his feet down.

 Ashamed and a bit confused he looked for his question. As he thought about it, I looked at his face and realized too that I had never really stared at him so close before. He didn’t look bad or anything but for most of the time that we were so close it was because we were having sex and that's not a moment you use to look at a person’s face. He finally asked me whom I had dated before him, something we had never discussed. I told him about this other guy, with whom I had dated for a long time before he left to live in Australia. He was in real state and I met him when renting my place. We went out often but never got serious because he already knew he was going to leave so he didn’t want for things to get weird.

 He just nodded to my answer but didn’t say a word. I could feel he wasn’t feeling very good about my answer but he didn’t say anything, except for “your turn”. I wanted to ask the same thing but that would have been boring. So instead I asked him how many relationships he had had in his life. He took his time to answer, visibly counting every person he had known. I started to get really annoyed because it was obvious he had slept with many men and was deciding which ones were “valid” as a relationship and which ones had just been a one-night stand. I didn’t wait for the answer. I just said “a lot then?” and he opened his mouth like a fish, not saying a word.

 I told him it was his turn but I think I said it with rage in my voice. His hesitation to answer had made me very angry and I just stood up and went to the kitchen. It was an open kitchen so I perfectly heard when he asked me what my favorite food was. I answered instantly that I love pasta with Bolognese sauce and meatballs. I told him that answering that fast was easy because I was sure of what I like and what I had done in the past in order for that to be my favorite food of all.

 He asked if I was mad about his answer to the question I had made him but I answered he had not even answered. As I grabbed two slices of bread and put them on I plate, I tried to breathe as calmly as I could but I was already trembling from rage. He said he didn’t answered because I had gotten all weird just before he was able to say anything, to which I responded, without missing a beat, that it was unusual for a grown man to need so much time to count the number of people he had been in a relationship with. I told him that I was just asking about the boyfriends and not the sexual partners, so that must be easier for him.

 Now it was a look of open hatred, the one he gave to be as I put ham and cheese on the bread. He said nothing but he turned around, no longer willing to play any game or answer any questions. We stayed in silence for several minutes until he said, in a clear voice, that he had only been the boyfriend of three guys. The first one in school, another in college and the last one just a year ago, meeting through a mutual friend. Yes, he confessed he liked sex and had been known to have casual sex with many guys but that it wasn’t something he did often.

 He shut up and resumed eating his cereal, again chewing with his mouth open. I told him to chew with his mouth closed and then he erupted, just like a volcano. He told me that I was too controlling, trying to make everyone do as I said. He reminded me of earlier, when he joined me in store and I apparently mistreated a worker there because she didn’t understood what I was looking for. He also said that during sex, I always wanted everything to be about me and that couldn’t be the case every single time. He complained that I had never tried to please him and that it was very exhausting for him.

 Obviously, there was no right way to answer that. He was shaking, no longer eating. He just stood up and went to the bedroom. I just stayed in the kitchen but I had lost my appetite, if it is that I had one before. He went out of the bedroom but didn’t talk to me. Instead, he picked up his clothes from the floor and put them on right there. I said, in a soft voice, that he could get sick if he wore that. But he didn’t listen or simply didn’t care about what I had to say anymore. He was very annoyed, that was obvious, but he didn’t hesitated for a moment. He went for the door and went out. He slammed the door and left my place.

 I looked at the window and realized it was still raining. Then, the doorbell rang and I opened. It was him, telling me he had left his wallet somewhere. He looked on the floor and found it beneath the sofa. But before he left again, I grabbed his arm and hugged him. Who cares if I didn’t know him that well? I needed him now and I was hoping he needed me back.

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